[Guest]

Actually, the Bible does forbid masturbation CW because it is a "sin of the mind".

Anyways, you shouldn't feel guilty for masturbating.

What's happening with you is very simple. You're having sexual desires, which is normal especially considering you've never had sex, and you're filling the void with masturbation. This isn't a bad thing at all, but again it's very unhealthy to feel guilty for it.

You need to ensure that you don't associate sex with evil. Sex is a very normal biological process, without sex we wouldn't have the human race.

What this means is that you need to take a long/hard look at your beliefs. Does it honestly make sense to believe in something that would attempt to inhibit a naturally occurring biological process? What's the reasoning for this?

The argument about "betraying" your future husband doesn't make any sense at all. You can't "betray" someone you haven't even met.

What you really need to do is to start evaluating things using logic and reason. Why do you truly believe what you believe. Here's some questions to think about

-Why would God provide you with sex organs if you were forbidden to use them?

-What is the significance of marriage? Does marriage mean you're suddenly more in love with someone? No, it doesn't. Marriage is just an arbitrary construct created by man. What happens to people too poor to get married, or people in third world countries that don't get "married". Are they doomed to a life of celibacy?

- Why would god attempt do deny pleasure to his children?

- If sex is such an issue why doesn't he just let everyone have an "immaculate conception" or better yet why not make children magically appear? This would prevent any "temptations" involving sex.

Keep in mind that these questions are just about sex specifically. If I were you I'd start questioning everything you're being told.

I'll be honest, I've talked about this with guys and they don't like the idea of dating girls who insist they must remain a virgin until marriage. Why? Well it's not even so much about the lack of sex, obviously if you love someone you want to respect their wishes so most decent men don't mind waiting to have sex. However, they want to respect YOUR beliefs, not the beliefs of an organization. If YOU personally aren't ready to have sex (It sounds like you are) they don't mind because they want you to be ready/comfortable, but they don't like the idea of setting an arbitrary date on it (whether it be 15 dates or marriage). They don't want to be with someone who can be influenced to the point in which they would deny themselves pleasure with the person they love due to nonsensical beliefs that are founded without evidence.

If your closing yourself off to sex, then they're going to be wondering what else you're closing yourself off to.

Essentially put yourself out there, have sex when you feel like it, and masturbate in the meantime. It's obviously impossible for you to retain your beliefs and get what you want so you have to decide.

Does it really make sense that I should have to deny myself something I want for absolutely no logical reason?

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Actually, the Bible does forbid masturbation CW because it is a "sin of the mind".

Quote it please, because all I have read and , I quoted, suggests there is nothing in the Bible relating to not being able to Masturbate..Definately it is evil to do that instead of loving your "wife", "husband" .... in my opinion.



You're suggesting that they, the men, wouldn't wait, marriage can be 2 months once you've met the right person, right?

And you're suggesting she sleep with whom ever, when ever... and masturbate on top, be liberal,wild, free and have no regrets .. Yet, she has rights, to believe in her beliefs, people should not have and do not have the right to change that, rather offer advice in my opinion, of what "she" wants and that is to believe in dating and not have fear.

CW

[CHANDLERS WISH]

However, they want to respect YOUR beliefs, not the beliefs of an organization.

That, I agree with....

[Guest]

Masturbation isn't "evil" in any sense. About the most you can say about it is that it's "selfish" if you currently have a lover and are choosing to masturbate rather than having sex with them, but that's not the situation in this case.

Obviously, you can get married earlier to circumnavigate the entire issue, but what is the point in that? Rush to get married so you can have sex? Bad idea.

What happens if a divorce occurs? I guess all that "waiting for the right guy" was all for naught, because he obviously wasn't the right guy. We all have the best intentions going into marriage, but no one can predict for certain how things will turn out.

Also, the Bible doesn't explicitly say you can't masturbate, but it's a well known by religious Christians that's it's unacceptable and not permissible. The reason they use is that even transgressions of the mind are sinful. What are you doing when you're masturbating? You may not actually be having sex, but your obviously thinking about it. Therefore, it's a sin.

I did not tell her to go out and screw everyone she meets. I simply said that if she wants to have sex, she should have sex. It's a simple as that. The same goes for masturbation.

She doesn't want to "believe in dating and not have fear" she wants to not feel guilty while masturbating. She's already admitted that she's too "weak" to stop masturbating, so the only way she's going to learn not to feel guilty is to stop believeing what she believes. If she can't do that then absolutely nothing anyone says to her on this forum is going to make a difference because she'll always believe it's wrong to masterbate.

She needs to question why she believes it's wrong to masturbate, because in all honestly that's a completely illogical belief to have.

[rcoreyus]

I'm probably the worst person here to comment on religious beliefs, so I won't.

From a practical point of view, I think you will be happier if you do become intimate with men. You will learn what you like and don't like. You will find out if your partner is compatible.

A number of us are, or were in long term relationships that were very unhappy - just because we were not sexually compatible.

[WildChild]

Sigh.
(shakes head)
As a woman of the Goddess that is all I can say and be kind.

[WaitingPatiently]

I really appreciate all of your thoughts!! All of them have definately given me something to think about....it is nice to get advice/thoughts from those who are not associated with me or things about me and have an unbiased stand. Thanks again!

[WaitingPatiently]

Oh...and anyone who wants to comment on this thread, please feel free to!! I welcome all of your thoughts!

[WildChild]

You are meant for joy and beauty and love and creativity. It is virtually impossible to find this in a system established to confine and repress women. I doubt very much that there is anything I can say here to help you see that. I will suggest that you take a look at the findings of research on the final re-mything of the old testament,this took place in 400 BCE. This was when the P school reworked the E and J school to attempt to make it make sense.
You might find reading the Dartmouth Bible annotations very helpful to understanding what you are dealing with.

[lilmissdirty]

Hi WP
I’m very similar to you. although I never made a specific vow to not have sex before marriage . I did decide that I wouldn’t do anything "I" wasn’t ready for
I never dated or went out with men before I met my hubby. Not even kissing. Not because I didn’t want to but simply because I never met anyone I was interested in dating etc. I had plenty of guy friends so it wasn’t a case of being shy or awkward around men.
I think that a lot of times people do things out of pressure to be "normal" and fit in with the crowd, and not because its what they want or are ready for at that time. & whats normal for one person isent nessisarily normal for you nor should it be. if everyone were the same this world would be a seriously borring place to be.
Dating someone or having sex with them for no other reason but to "fit in" is not being true to yourself.
I was 26 when I got married & first had sex. I do not regret waiting even a lil bit. ive been married 9 years now and have a wonderful marriage to a wonderful man who respected my decision to wait and never pressured me to do something I wasn’t ready for. (not saying he dident get a tad antsy at times though…LOL)
I do not believe masturbation is a sin. Ive yet to see anything in the bible stating it is (& ive read the bible front to back enough times) and every time ive heard someone say it is using Bible verses to back them up, the verses were taken out of context. The reality is that people have been twisting what the bible says to suite there own means, by not taking in context or "interpreting” it to mean what they want it to mean for hundreds of years. I suspect there going to have a lot of explaining to do to God for all the harm they caused using his name.