[CHANDLERS WISH]

Chloe, in many respects on your last post, I agree with you.

I see too many people get married, and find they are not compatible in life, in all aspects, and definately in the bedroom.

But, it's all a catch twenty two as well isn't it? For-instance, a woman who is free, who has no inhibitions, who knows and loves herself and in that, can express that, can be viewed by a new lover as, well you've done all that before with someone else, and so, the relationship ends...Fortunately, the more you mature, so do men...But, we can't change the way a man thinks either can we? Morals, up-bringing, I want a good girl, when really they want, a good girl, lady in-front of family and friends and a tart in bed, only they want to create her...

In my opinion, if you've never been intimate with someone at all, you'll be shy and for along time and in addition, you won't know how to bond, love deeply for a long time, unless he can lead the way and unless he's understanding, gentle, and accepting....Yet, as you get older, it's hard for a man to keep it in his shorts, he's been there, alot most times... So to be equal? You have to also find a Virgin? And age is catching up, that is what I think she is afraid of in the dating scene, all of the above...

Yet, OP Masterbation is teaching you, self taught, how it feels to be intimate, getting to know your body, what you like and don't like, how to release...

I see no harm in it whatsoever.. I have claimed many a time, once I left my husband, I found alot about me I didn't know, by self examination so to speak, because I couldn't open up to him sexually without his mind wondering about my past, I met him at 36, so yes, it's hard but it's only because we do in-deed need to find a compatible partner in all aspects....

I won't go into religion as well, FAQ rules, don't shove your beliefs onto another, however, that was the point of my post...If it's your belief to stay a Virgin, I get the "be free", sincerely you should learn to love and be in love, even if he doesn't end up your husband, however, it's your belief, but don't and stop closing the door to loving, you will end up an old maid..

Again as for masterbation? It is not in the Bible as a sin and it is "MAN" via religion whom has decided to interperate it, into something and programe it into people's brain...If your following the Bible and something is not stated as a sin, it's not...There is only one Bible, one God, people can interperate and change the rules, as much as they like, but they are not God....

That's all I am saying on that matter.

CW

[WaitingPatiently]

CW...
I think you have hit the nail on the head when you stated, "And age is catching up, that is what I think she is afraid of in the dating scene, all of the above.."
I think some part of me feels that since I did not begin dating in my teen years, like typical girls do, then it will be something that I am horrible at. There was something also that you mentioned (I think it was you) about me being afraid of being hurt---this is very true. My father had an affair when I was young so I think the ramifications of that affair on my mother have some how altered my view on ever being vulnerable to give a man the opportunity to do this to me. If I am being honest with myself, then yes, deep down I do fear rejection and the fact that I absolutely have no clue how to date! And too..what if I am a horrible kisser, I mean these are issues that most deal with at an earlier age. I suppose some part of me fears that the only sexual pleasure I will ever experience will be with masturbation because I will never marry....actually it is a large part of me that fears this.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

In my opinion, almost everything stems from childhood.

You're an Adult now... You experienced something that made you make a stance, you told yourself, no man will do this to you and your solution? Remain a Virgin..

Yet, we can't control what happens in "other people's lives" we can of our own.

I'm guessing you see the affair naturally as a sin...So, now, you see masterbating as a sin, your Father's daughter...

We are not our parents, they had us, but we are individual people that are guided, good or bad, as children. Once grown, we can make our own management decisions and live our own lives..Don't live in your parents shadow...We have one life and one life only, live it.

No one can be a horrible kisser, kissing is passion, passion is felt between two people... When I wanted to know what a kiss would feel like? I put the shower head against the tiles so it was warm and wet and kissed the tiles, I then knew what it felt like, I was 14

Naturally, because your older, you fear rejection because it's of the un-known to you... And, what you put out there to the Universe is what you get, if you say you will never get married, that is what will happen because YOU won't let it happen...

What your parents went through does not mean you will..We actually learn do we not? So we learn by someone else's mistakes and in that, we ensure we don't make it, if that is what WE want.

So, my thoughts are this.

Time to let the past go.
Try the kissing thing so you have experienced that as well.
Look yourself in the mirror and see who she is.
Look at your life, your friendships, places where you can make more, that are single and mingle..
Look at you and use your creativeness, get your hair coloured, streaked, by a dress, top, and put it out to the Universe that you will be confident, and it's your turn to get out there, live and allow the Universe to find that match.

Sitting in fear, for the rest of your life, is not going to achieve anything

CW

[tch]

Hey... I also must say that I respect your vows I know how important it is being that I pray everyday ... but I really do wish I had your drive. It is a really healthy way to really stress and I try to as much as I can but unfortunately cant due to other medical issues. I lost my virginity at 23 but have done other things with many men before. Even though I've never been in a relationship being with these men make me enjoy being a woman ! It can be wonderful and just as intense once you do it. It sounds like you already know what you want in life, masturbation is just apart of it. Everyone does it even though many deny it!

[Guest]

Hello. Firstly, as mentioned above, who made your body in your opinion ? If you really believe in God, then he/she/it created it with all the urges that go with it. You are a mature female with normal sexual urges. DO NOT FEEL GUILTY ABOUT THIS PLEASE. I used to feel guilty about masturbation.One time I went three years without doing it as I believed it was sinful. I even tied a rubber band around my penis to remind me not to do it. But how silly I was. There is nothing sinful about it. In fact, certainly for men, and surely for women, it is healthy to do it. In a man it keeps his prostate healthy by regular ejaculations. There must be large benefits for women as well. Anyway, I always am confused when "religious people" say they are good for not having sex? Why did God give us genitals and tell us to "go forth and multiply" if he didn't want us to induldge in the practice of sex??????????????? Masturbate as often as you need to and tell yourself that your body needs the release. xx

[Guest]

By the way, does it actually say anywhere in The Bible that you cannot have sex before marriage? Even if it does, remember it was written some 70 years after the death of Christ and was translated 3 times, so how much of it is "gospel" If I were you, I would use The Bible as a code of conduct rather than strict regulations. My view is that it was for that reason that it was orginally written.

[alicat]

WaitingPatiently, hold to your beliefs. The idea that practice makes perfect is just sooo wrong. I was a virgin when I married my first husband and we had a decent sex life (not very adventurous but still pleasant). We divorced due to abuse/alcoholism and I later married my second husband who is my second sexual partner (and I'm almost 50 years old), so no huge amount of experience but a wildly passionate and exciting sex life.

There is nothing wrong with masturbation, remember it is God who created us and He created us with our sexual feelings. There is nothing unbiblical about masturbation.

Your virginity is a gift that should only be given to the right person (whether that be before a wedding ceremony or after).

[Guest]

The problem here is that their are a few issues with her sticking to her beliefs.

1.) Her beliefs aren't based in reason or logic. She's just blindly adhering to what she's been told.

2.) Her beliefs are causing her to stress out in regards to masturbation.

3.) She's stagnating her dating life because she's got this preconceived notion that she MUST wait until she's married to have sex. Therefore, she's automatically going into dating thinking that guys aren't going to want to go out with her because she wants to stay pure till marriage.

Why not just go out with who you want and have sex with them when your ready? Why does she subscribe to a belief system that's causing her so much turmoil in her personal life?


Also, to everyone saying masturbating isn't a sin that's not true. It's definitely considered a sin by the Church as you're giving in to your sexual desires that you're supposed to keep repressed until marriage. Even thinking about sex is a sin.

You say "God created us with our sexual desires" yet he forbids people from expressing those desires, even in their mind, until marriage.

Religion isn't like McDonald's where you ask for a cheeseburger and then tell them to hold the pickles. It's an all or nothing affair whether you like it or not and the Church considers both masturbating and premarital sex a sin. If you don't like it you can unsubscribe like I did.

Also, telling anyone to put their virginity on a pedestal like that is a horrible thing. Just think of what happens to believe who believe that and end up losing it to the "wrong person". They regret something so silly like that for the rest of their lives and their is absolutely no need for it. I mean you and your first husband divorced, was he the right one? Is marriage what decides when someone is right or wrong for you? If I marry someone does that automatically make them perfect for me?

In case anyone is wondering about the answers to those questions the answers are NO!

If anything your first time with every partner you have is likely to be special in it's own right. Unless the sex was just a lustful 1 night stand.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Chloe

The problem here is that their are a few issues with her sticking to her beliefs.

1.) Her beliefs aren't based in reason or logic. She's just blindly adhering to what she's been told.

2.) Her beliefs are causing her to stress out in regards to masturbation.

3.) She's stagnating her dating life because she's got this preconceived notion that she MUST wait until she's married to have sex. Therefore, she's automatically going into dating thinking that guys aren't going to want to go out with her because she wants to stay pure till marriage.

1) Not at all, it's logical and she has reason, nothing to do with what she has been told, read below..

2) Not her beliefs at all, rather her fear, as she states below

3) Again, that's not her primary reason, your taking the heading only and not listening to her words.

And, I'd like to think people "talk" to the Original Poster, not "she" ...


OP-

I think some part of me feels that since I did not begin dating in my teen years, like typical girls do, then it will be something that I am horrible at.

afraid of being hurt---this is very true. My father had an affair when I was young so I think the ramifications of that affair on my mother have some how altered my view on ever being vulnerable to give a man the opportunity to do this to me.

so I think the ramifications of that affair on my mother have some how altered my view on ever being vulnerable to give a man the opportunity to do this to me.

I do fear rejection

I suppose some part of me fears that the only sexual pleasure I will ever experience will be with masturbation because I will never marry....actually it is a large part of me that fears this.

[ItsASecret]

Why does she subscribe to a belief system that's causing her so much turmoil in her personal life?

Why do women spread their legs for any man that offers them a drink in a bar? That can cause much turmoil in their personal lives. What about the women who subscribe to a lifestyle of very risky unprotected sex with countless members simply because they oftentimes want to prove something to themselves despite the great possible aftermath turmoil of disease and unnamed pregnancies. The belief that a girl because of her age should act like a preconceived ideal, that can cause great problems in personal life but people still do it they still act that part. They know it can cause problems but they still consciously decide to act and believe in that manner. Nothing can change their mind but themselves. People choose their lifestyles and support it with whatever notions they believe sound plausible. Whatever comforts them at night is what ideas they will stick to. There is no right or wrong, there is only personal decisiveness which is entirely subjective. Her choice to follow a religious path is not an issue, it is a part of her. Her decisions are going to be made based on what she believes, if she makes a mistake that she believes is a mistake (and not other's telling her she is wrong) then she will learn upon that.