[WildChild]

I took myself off responding to this thread as I found I could not respond in a respectful way regarding a belief system that I simply cannot support in any way. Sometimes you just have to do that.

Will say to the OP that lack of experience should not be a deterrant to you. The right man will be happy to teach and explore with you.

[jns]

WP, do what you have to do to maintain your beliefs. They are not in conflict with others, only causing you some anxiety due to your bodily responses. Read up as much as you can about the subjects, especially from those of similar beliefs. Seek out opinions from people who have analyzed the situation from your belief system and have determined that you are not being sinful. They may have citations that will be helpful. Then also read up on those who have opposite opinions and see if their arguments are valid. Then process the information to come up with your own understanding.

[Guest]

"Actually, it's not my opinion, it's a fact. You can read the bible yourself"- --Like I said earlier, people believe in faiths. It's their choice. But it does not mean that everything in The Bible is gospel accurate truth.(written 70 years after Christ's death, translated three times) Believe it if you like, but you can prove very little of it. In my opinion, like I said, it should be used as a code of conduct. Too many people in this world believe that only their idea of their faith is the true one. This has lead to many wars in the past and unfortunately, probably more in the future.

[jns]

"Actually, it's not my opinion, it's a fact. You can read the bible yourself"- --Like I said earlier, people believe in faiths. It's their choice. But it does not mean that everything in The Bible is gospel accurate truth.(written 70 years after Christ's death, translated three times) Believe it if you like, but you can prove very little of it. In my opinion, like I said, it should be used as a code of conduct. Too many people in this world believe that only their idea of their faith is the true one. This has lead to many wars in the past and unfortunately, probably more in the future.

Thomas, I go even further. I also believe that science itself is not built on facts, but on theories. Anybody who has studied Physics should know of Newtonian Physics and the change to Einsteinian Physics. The latter was a better system to describe physical phenomena. This was a change at the core of Physics. Therefore, I believe that those who adopt what science teaches as absolute facts are practicing a sort of dogmatic religion. The reality is that most of those practitioners have not studied enough to understand that their positions are based on theories.

Therefore I define a fact as some description of something and the extreme belief in that description. Notice how belief is central to something being a fact. Also, there is no requirements that anything have a universal truth for people to act on it, and in many cases get a favorable outcome.

[waya]

WP, do what you have to do to maintain your beliefs. They are not in conflict with others, only causing you some anxiety due to your bodily responses. Read up as much as you can about the subjects, especially from those of similar beliefs. Seek out opinions from people who have analyzed the situation from your belief system and have determined that you are not being sinful. They may have citations that will be helpful. Then also read up on those who have opposite opinions and see if their arguments are valid. Then process the information to come up with your own understanding.

Well put

[WaitingPatiently]

I do thank everyone for their input...I have been given a lot to think about. This thread did get side tracked at times and because of that fact, I quit checking in to see what comments had been made. So I have revisited the thread today for the first days in a few days and just wanted to say thanks again for taking your time to read and give your thoughts on the situation. I am looking at dealing with all aspects that may be affecting this situation...it may take some time but a lot of things have been brought into perspective.

[darcdante]

In response to both yourself and to Ms. Chandlers Wish, the Christian argument against masturbation typically comes from the Bible's stance on lust in general. For example, Matthew 5:28 reads, "But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart" (NIV). This is why some Christians take the stance that sex should not be pleasurable at all, even between husband and wife. Personally, I think that's a gross misinterpretation of Scripture.

What's being said in this passage (and others, such as Proverbs 6:25) is not that lust is entirely wrong, but that a sin in the heart is no different than a sin in action. If a married man oggles other women, then he is sinning, even though he'll never actually bed them. Lust is only wrong in that it leads to adultery. If you are not taken, then you cannot be adulterous.

My recommendation is to check out eharmony. You should find some men there who share your worldview (I'd stay away from most other dating sites). I think you should date, if you can. It's part of the maturation process. I didn't start dating until I was 26, and I think it made me naive about how relationships work and very insecure, which hurt the relationship in some ways. Though you'll find many men respectful of your worldview, and who even share it as I said, I think you'll be hard pressed to find many virgin men in your age group.

I'm not your minister, so I'm hesitant to say too much, but I don't think you should worry about masturbation since you're not attached to anyone. You can still be celibate until marriage. I admire you for the path you've chosen. Most of us aren't strong enough to travel it.

Good luck, and God bless.

Aaron

[BettyCrocker]

I'll throw in my two cents and try to make it short.

I was born and raised Lutheran. Still a believer in J-master C (haha sorry making fun of ghetto talk). However since I have gotten older I have really looked at the bible differently. Not as a "non" believer but as someone I believed mentioned before here...merely a guideline for morality. I say that too, because yes you do have to take into consideration when the bible was written, by whom, and the cultural norms of that time as well. Who was in power? MEN...who could write? The elite. What language was it written in..then rewritten in? Do words translate the same? Definitely not! Is the old testament even relevant to be in the bible since Jesus came? God did not write this down by his own hand, but gave his word and let man interpret it. Man is corruptible...look at the middle ages in Europe and the Catholic church was selling penances to go to heaven!

Anyways I look at it simply. Jesus was here to give us a message. It wasn't complex. I don't think the bible has direct Jesus quotes..I mean really...was there a recorder around to get an exact quote?
In a nutshell he says-----treat everyone like you would want to be treated. Be kind to all. Love all, despite the *******s they may be. Live your life in a manner that makes you and others around you happy. Do not do things that will hurt yourself or someone else.

Honestly a lot of so called "Christians" (AKA bible thumpers) really me off today. They go too far, and start to hate and JUDGE those who don't do what their interpretation of the bible says. Alas the *******s who protest gay marriage at soldiers funerals. Would Jesus do that? no! The Lord embraces all. And honestly I don't believe that he will send anyone to if they live by that simple message. Buttsex, premarital sex, blowjobs..who is it hurting?

Murder, rape, stealing, assaults, lies...now that is a different story.

All in all I don't believe you should base your virginity on what someone's INTERPRETATION of the bible is. And Lord knows it's been interpreted a lot of ways..even so far as to have a bunch of yokels drink poisoned KoolAid. So I think you, as an adult should make your decision based on YOU.

I don't think you should go just give it up no no no..You will know when you are ready, when you find someone you can trust enough with your heart. That is the main part here. Doing something that won't HURT you. Whether you are comfortable with having sex with man you aren't sure you will marry or you wait till you have a ring on your finger is up to you. I played this mental game with myself before. I waited till I was 24 to have sex...less than 2 years ago.

At this point it was a decision I made not because I really "loved" him. More to the fact I felt mentally ready to deal with any consequences. I was old enough and had money to deal with a pregnancy if, God forbid, I got pregnant. I was definitely horny as as I have been since I can remember. And as much as I thought when I was young that I would wait for "the one" it really wasn't a big deal for me. Do I regret it? No, maybe with him but alas it's not by any means effected my life negatively (again if you are ready and know you won't regret it). I said to myself, it's time, I want to do it for me.

Since then I have been with a handful of other men. Most of which have not been anything but casual sex. This would have grossed me out years before. But I guess I felt a surge of empowerment having control of my own body and not having to get emotionally involved. If you're having sex to please someone else and not you it's hurting YOU. I think that's why kids have sex so young and why they get so full of regret...or fall into negative relationships..etc. Personally I think it has made my current sex life better..by having experience and so much less shy about my body. In turn remember not to use the man for just sex either..they do have feelings too Only if he is ready (which most are).

Put it this way. If you are only having sex with someone because you think it will make them feel emotionally closer to you or that you will loose them then it's the wrong reason. If he can't wait till you are ready, then it's the best test...before I turned 24 that's how I weeded out so many guys. Eventually I broke up with them or they got impatient and broke up with me.

So that is my more than two cents I guess. But another perspective for you...I would hate to feel trapped as you do right now with such an inner struggle. Religion can be super powerful in a positive way, but also negative. You need to decide how believing in Jesus's teachings can help you live your life as you should..happy, and bringing happiness to others. Whatever you do in life just know that you should never feel miserable within your own beliefs.

[michxc777]

Hi WaitingPatiently, I was reading your post and I am not much of a blogger but it touched me this much that I wanted to reply.

First I am a man, so I might understand or feel things a bit different but I think it's interesting to have thoughts from both genders. I am in my late twenties as well. I am not a christian but I have been educated as a christian My family inculcated these values to me and I think that it's really important, before anything else, to respect ourselves, and, as stated before, to only do what we want, if we want to, if we're ready for it. Most of people do things because it's "trendy", because it's the way other people do, that is sad. I think it's brave to have beliefs and respect them. I understand the envy of staying "pure" until you find the good man, I was like that and I wanted to give myself to the person I'd be forever with, but sometime life is different than what we want, we don't always have the control on everything. Reality hit and some of our thoughts, vows, envies or beliefs can be broken. Sometimes it works though, so nothing should make you loose hope. Sometime you feel like doing things or not and it works, and there is something you can be really proud of if it works. It is really good for self-esteem and makes you a stronger person.
I personally think it's beautiful and brave to remain virgin for the person you're wanting to be with forever. But you have to do it for yourself, not because of people, not because of the bible, only for yourself. You have to be honest with yourself and live in peace with your feelings. The bible, which I do respect, is, in my opinion, a book that had been written by men, thousands of years ago, with different mentalities, different needs, thoughts, views on life... I'm not saying that the bible is not important, and I once again respect your beliefs, I'm only saying that mentalities, educations, sexualities are different today. People are educated and aware about sexuality, we're living in a totally new era. Things had changed.
The bad thing today is that the society made sex so selfish, gross, sad and pathetic. The good thing is that people are more aware about their own feelings and sexualities. So do it if you feel like it, for yourself, for pride. Not for ancient beliefs cause these people had no idea of what our era is and they would have wrote different if they were.
However, It can be a good thing to remain virgin for other reasons, if you have multiple partners and then stumble on the good guy after a while, comparisons and then competitions can be made. Wonders like "am I better than her exes ?", "does she like me and what I do better ?" anyway you get it.. and it works both ways, women can have these wonders as well. But everybody is different, some people can think that way and other can think that the past is the past, that it doesn't really matter. People can think billion different ways. I think that no one should be judged for their pasts, for anything anyways, what really matters is what you're living with the actual person, and that you and your partner are willing to share everything, and work as hard as possible to make things work.
If you find the good person then he will understand you, he will support you and help you realize what you want. Now, as said before, you can't predict the future and sometime you can be in love with someone so much and give everything to that person, then things can change and you might not want to be with that person anymore, it isn't bad, it is life, so just know that it is not bad to have sexual relations with a partner, and if thing don't work out, it's alright, at least you've been in love with that person, you gave yourself to someone you had feelings for, and sharing sex with this person doesn't make you a ***** or anything. The important is to always work things out with your partner to try to avoid this situation. If you find the good person, he will always work things out with you, and you will always be able to fix everything.

For masturbation, I honestly don't think it is bad, you shouldn't see yourself as a weak person, I think you're incredibly strong to remain virgin even if life didn't help you find the good man. And masturbating is a totally normal thing, moreover in your situation. Everybody does it and I think it is helpful too. If you didn't masturbate, you might end doing things that you don't really want to, you might give up on your vows for bad reasons, once again, masturbation is okay and it's normal to explore our bodies, ourselves… So don't think it is bad. It is only bad in some people's minds, not in god's mind. It is good and pleasant, it makes you feel better after you did it, and as you said, it releases that pressure, that is only because it a natural need. It is my opinion, of course, but if you look at the world, people are able to rape, people can have so much sexual issues, people can be very edgy and unpleasant… therefore, I think it is better to masturbate than doing things that you'd regret. It is healthy to masturbate.

Now I'd like to say, don't worry too much about yourself not being experienced, age doesn't matter and your partner shall understand you, and not judge you. Plus, these things come naturally, and you will only get better with time and experience. I am sure that your partner will appreciate seeing you trying to do better for him.

Voilà, I hope it helped some, hope you can find your soulmate and whatever you do, be in peace with yourself, don't regret anything.

Michaël.

[Little]

OP hasn't been back on the site in over a year, thread closed.