[LanaBear]

I don't like the idea of faking it for either party.

I so agree. I hate all the pressures that are there that you MUST have an orgasm, you MUST cum every single time you have sex. It simply is not realistic and just causes a lot of pressure on sex that shouldn't be there. IMO, the most important thing is that the two of you enjoy each other. I think next time you may not be in the mood, you should talk to her, that even though you are thoroughly enjoying yourself you may not finish *gasp**shock*. It's not big deal. Neither of you should make it into a big deal, who really cares? I think there are just some things that you understand more when as you mature and the possibility that one partner may not completely orgasm during sex is one of them. NOT A BIG DEAL. As long as you are honest and it isn't the result of other problems in the relationship.

[OregonGirl]

I don't think it is that big of a deal as long as it doesn't become habitual.

Next time though, you should just explain to her that you're happy you were able to please her and make her have an orgasm, but that you just aren't feeling it right now and could we maybe cuddle for a bit?

I'm sure she wont be offended, sometimes people just AREN'T in the mood. It's great though that you're willing to go the extra mile to make sure her needs are met. Occasionally if I'm not in the mood I'll let my fiance do his thing and we'll have a bit of a quickie where I don't orgasm.

It's just one of those things about being in a long term relationship, you aren't always going to want the same thing at the same time.

[Jim60]

If a woman fakes regularly because her mans ego won't stand it that sometimes she doesn't cum thats a problem. He'll be crushed when he finds out, and until she tells him the sex probably won't improve (assuming she wants more orgasms). I suppose if she's happy with what she's getting it's more difficult, but you'd think that if she's happy he'd be happy and no need for dishonesty. Could be hard to break the habit once started though, and also if widespread would distort mens perception of what women want/need.

My wife occasionaly fakes, in a low key sort of way. It's her way of letting me know she's satisfied and I can cum when I want. Sometimes she just tells me, no idea why the variation. I can usually tell anyway, and if I ask she will own up with a smile and may or may not accept my offer of a hand or tongue. She does the same on the rare occasions it just isn't happening for me.

I can't imagine it is a widespread thing for men - for a start it's easier for a woman to know, we usually leave some evidence! I have done it once or twice over the years when she seemed to be holding back, so she could enjoy the moment, but owned up after.

It certainly isn't a problem for us

[Texasred]

I think it depends on how and why. If there is a problem with sex in the relationship, faking it, by either partner, is a really bad idea. Orgasming during sex is a powerful level of communication and says that this works.

Its funny that various surveys have found that most women do or have at some time, faked it. Virtually all men, however, will swear that a woman has never done so with them. Even when told that virtually all women admit to having faked it at least once, men will still insist - not with them. (I've put this to several men, including the one I'm currently seeing and confirmed this result LOL)...

Yes, I've heard that women do that with other men...
LOL!

[nick1]

Yes I have faked it! I was just too tired. On other occasions I have offered her oral when I knew I could not perform.

[sexnlove]

I think my husband is faking orgasms. I am very depressed as I am a younger mother age 25 of two beautiful boys. One of which is with my second marriage. I have been debating leaving the relationship as everyday I become more and more sexually disatissfied. I am starting to lose my attraction to him because he doesnt bring out the feminity in me.

I have to literally beg him to have sex with me, and its always missionary position with no foreplay sometimes not even kissing. Sometimes he will pull my pants down when im sleeping leaving all my clothes on and then just sticks it in, and calls it sex weather I get there or not. I have been realizing he is faking orgasms which he denies cause I know when there is cum inside me!!!! Dont we all women know! And i feel like ********.

He wont ever do oral with me, he wont let me do it to him. He wont do much of anything with me. Not even sex on chairs. I feel really sad as I have always loved sex and feel like this part of me is dying. He says I need to attend SA sex anonymous because of my sex drive and laughs about it when i want to have sex. he doesnt take me seriously, and talks to me like a child and says im spoiled. he acts like i am unusual.

Like my drive makes me weird or less human...i always thought a man would appreciate this. When we have sex, and I suggest sex on a chair he ignores me or says he doesnt have time for this...blabla. all BS. I am sick of it, when I was pregnant he wouldn't hardly touch me. He doesnt care about what makes me feel good. For the last year, over 12 months I have wanted to give him a BJ and actually make him cum cause its a huge turn on for me-and he would never do that!!!

Nope, and its a fantasy thing I have. I guess he will never fulfill that eitheir. I have never felt so unwanted before. I have developed severe self esteem issues now too. I dont know if I can leave having another baby-i feel like I failed my second child as well as my first. I am extremely sad inside my heart. I told him to talk dirty to me, his response was Im not 25.

He says none of his previous partners talked during sex or made noises. again makes me feel bad about me. should i leave him and move back to the USA and be around my family? We moved to europe

[Hopeless Dork]

Could the sex issues be a symptom of something else entirely? Is he selfish in other aspects of the relationship or just in the bedroom? Was he ever adventerous before and this change is sudden or has he always been fairly vanilla and you are now realizing he isn't exciting enough?

I ask that because people rarely change aspects of their personality that are hard wired. If he was a giving lover before and this is all new.. there is a greater hope that things can improve if other issues are resolved that have caused him to retreat from intimacy.

If he has always been a stick it in and done kind of guy... it will probably be a lot harder to get him on to new things... especially if you were perfectly accepting of this before and its only a problem to you now.

Can you two communicate well on issues that are not sex related? How does he treat you in other ways besides sex? Do you feel special and loved in any capacity? Does he make you happy in any way?

[Sunlight72]

Our sex life is amazing. Last night I was a little tired, it had been a long day, and frankly I wasn't in the mood. My gf initiated and had orgasmed and I was taking a long time so I just faked. This never happens for me and now I feel guilty. Should I? Or do I just chalk it up as a rarity and get back in the saddle. Guys-has this ever happened to you?

What!?! You faked an orgasm!?!?! You lying jerk! How could you be such a terrible person? Puh-lease.

That's not lying, that is having fun and giving your partner a good time.

There are plenty of things to be concerned with, and brother, this ain't one of 'em.

I have to laugh at the posts here that say, "It's no big deal" and two sentences later, "you should tell her". Great advice. It's not a big deal, so WAIT! Stop the presses honey, because we need to make this a big deal. The day (or some days) after the fact. Oh yeah, that makes it seem like no big deal.

You care about her, you bonded (which was not faked, right? You feel close to her when you are naked together? I hope so), you listened to her needs, you met her needs, you showed her that you enjoy being with her (which you do, right? From what you've written you do enjoy being with her). You are a good man - if she is worth you worrying this much over you can bet that she does things in your lives to make you happy, and making you happy makes her happy.

If you faked an orgasm, what you did is show her that you are excited and happy to be with her. It's called consideration.

If you were secretly bored, disgusted, resentful or couldn't orgasm because you'd been screwing around on her the hour before, then you're at least dishonest by falsely acting happy, and at worst a cheating liar.

I agree that it is no big deal, and can you guess how to keep it in proper scale? You give openly, you be present mentally and emotionally during sex, and you do your best to have a good time and make sure she has a good time.

If that includes faking an orgasm because you want to communicate that you find her beautiful and wonderful in your life and it will make her happy, and it feels right to you at the moment - do it, and kiss her good night while you hold her in your arms... and the next time you are in the mood, initiate sex with her both to enjoy yourself and to make sure she knows you desire and enjoy her.

And to answer your questions;
"should I just chalk it up as a rarity and get back in the saddle?" - pretty close. But I would personally say if you find yourself in this position ever again, once she's satisfied and you decide you're going to fake it, get happy about it! Kiss her hard, look into her eyes and smile, and go for it. What you are communicating is how exciting you find her, and how much you love sharing intimacy with her, so be happy to be sharing this intimacy!

"has this ever happened to you?", yes. I've faked about 3 orgasms in about 2 years. The first time I felt off, because I felt I'd been dishonest. After thinking it over during the next couple of days I changed my attitude, and months later when I found myself there again I almost started laughing because I was so happy she'd gotten a good one - I mentally high-fived myself and then faked it like a mo-fo. I just marinated in the manly feeling of getting her off.

You know what's funny? If she were actually faking it that time, I just love her more, because she really put in some acting effort and purred and snuggled up to me afterwards, which also made me feel very loved and happy - and isn't that just the best feeling?

[Nholland]

I say dont feel bad. U selflessly pleased her and then spared her ego by faking it. I highly doubt she wants to hear that she couldnt make u cum so u hada fake it.

[Nholland]

I say dont feel bad. U selflessly pleased her and then spared her ego by faking it. I highly doubt she wants to hear that she couldnt make u cum so u hada fake it