[liminal]

I want both sex and a relationship. Relationships do not happen right away so on the journey toward that I would like sex because it's an affectionate activity or it can be.

You are right about not being able to walk up to someone you don't know and ask for sex. That's because people want to know a person a little. But beyond that obvious fact I am totally coulees and confused.

In general you don't walk up to someone and say, "want to have sex?" Although within the sex positive community at some events that is entirely acceptable. I have the feeling you aren't talking about that group. You need establish a connection and some rapport, there is usually a time when you both know that is where you are going. Sometimes that is the moment you meet. But you still need to establish a connection and some rapport.

What are you looking for? Just sex? Or a relationship? If you want just sex and aren't too picky, you can meet someone and be going at it in a matter of minutes or hours. If you want a relationship you need to get to know each other and build up to it.

[Caregirl]

If you do, be prepared to duck, wear drinks home and/or offend alot of women.

*giggles*

Tbh the only women I can imagine not being offended at a stranger walking up to them and asking "Fancy a *EDIT*is a Prostitute. No offence intended Liminal I'm sure that's not what you were implying

[liminal]

First off please do not condescend or put me down just because I am not as knowledgable about these things as you are. I am a just seeking knowledge.

As for the idea that being hit on is flattering please read the second reply to me which was written by a woman actually.

A man's perspective...

Flirting - is the most gentle/innocent of what has been discussed above. It can be as little as a facial expression or can involve words and/or light conversation. You can flirt with several at one time. You can be referred to as a "flirt", etc.

Hitting On - is a little more aggressive and generally towards one female. She has caught your eye/interest and you are focused on her through your facial expressions, body language and comments/conversation. It's a bit more of a challenge to "Hit On" more than one woman at a time and I've never heard of a male/female being referred to as a "Hit On'. There are those, generally women, who go to clubs with the hope/intent of getting "hit on".

Hit That or Tap That - Is a general reference to who you find attractive enough to sleep with.... If you are among a group of male friends, you might say "I'd Hit That" or "I'd Tap That" in a heartbeat. Translation: You have found someone you think is attractive and if given the chance, you would sleep with them in a heartbeat. This is also, by far, the most derogatory of the three (IMO) towards women.

You think asking a woman for sex is flattering? Then being slapped across the face must be the ultimate turn on for you. By doing so, you are suggesting to the woman upfront that all you want her for is sex. So she is nothing more than an "object". I don't know of a single woman in here that wants to be treated as an object and not a person.

I do have friends who are in "sex only" relationships a/k/a "bootie calls" but none of them started off with someone approaching them in a club and saying "I find you to be very attractive, can I interest you in a sex only relationship?" or "Hey baby, how about you and me hooking up for sex?"

If you do, be prepared to duck, wear drinks home and/or offend alot of women.

[liminal]

*giggles*

Tbh the only women I can imagine not being offended at a stranger walking up to them and asking "Fancy a*EDIT*is a Prostitute. No offence intended Liminal I'm sure that's not what you were implying

Ok that is true but also as the previous poster points out people are in relationships that are sex only.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

You think asking a woman for sex is flattering? Then being slapped across the face must be the ultimate turn on for you. By doing so, you are suggesting to the woman upfront that all you want her for is sex. So she is nothing more than an "object". I don't know of a single woman in here that wants to be treated as an object and not a person.

Where did that come from Seeker?

Who said anything about being slapped? Treated like an object?

OP, firstly, I get what you are saying, you would love to have a relationship, however, it's not as easy as that, to find someone that you get along with, her you and so begins the dating game, however, as all young men do, you still would like to be sexually active, sexually attractive to woman, whom otherwise, maybe have exited a relationship and aren't ready for a new one, persay but are OK with something more casual...

What Seeker I think was trying to say, was never use a woman, always be up-front...

I am an Australian, we talk different, think different apparently

I don't see hit on as the others, as aggressive, here, hitting on someone in-deed is putting it out there, showing you find them sexually interesting, but here, it's not aggressive, purely a definate knowledge to the woman that the guy wants to sleep with her, however, it can be done in such a way and I've experienced it many a time, whereby it's heavy flirting, and I've laughed, even said " are you hitting on me?"...

Sure a man can be agressive, "hey baby want a .." but us Aussie's actually don't talk like that, the men that want that do it with their facial expressions, quite discusting actually, that's when you feel like a bit of meat.

As for co-workers? It's never wise, as you have to work there.

IDK... You should use flirting, telling them something you actually like about them...If it leads to the next step, then be sure to say, I am not ready for a relationship yet, but that doesn't mean as I get to know you that will change....

Because in reality that is what you are saying...you are not sure what you are looking for.

CW

[liminal]

Maybe I don't understand flirting and how people take it to mean.

If a guy is flirting with you do you take it to mean that they want to have sex with you?

If thts the case then I guess you don't have to "hit on" somebody to let it be known that your interested in sex.

[liminal]

Well, exactly. The poster wrote that asking a woman for sex is objectifying but then he also implies that relationships that are sex only are not necessarily objectifying. But somebody had to have initiated that relationship which of course involves asking for sex.

So the poster actually implicitly thinks that asking for sex is okay. I would have liked him to explain the situations that he thinks are appropriate to do that.

Where did that come from Seeker?

Who said anything about being slapped? Treated like an object?

[liminal]

Okay. In the first paragraph you write that it takes time.

In the second paragraph you say that it can happen in a manner of minutes or hours. Please explain that to me.

I don't have a clue how you would pick up a woman in a manner of minutes or hours without getting slapped or causing myself and others grief.

So how is that done?

In general you don't walk up to someone and say, "want to have sex?" Although within the sex positive community at some events that is entirely acceptable. I have the feeling you aren't talking about that group. You need establish a connection and some rapport, there is usually a time when you both know that is where you are going. Sometimes that is the moment you meet. But you still need to establish a connection and some rapport.

What are you looking for? Just sex? Or a relationship? If you want just sex and aren't too picky, you can meet someone and be going at it in a matter of minutes or hours. If you want a relationship you need to get to know each other and build up to it.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Now I am curious as to what people across the World, think of the difference of:-

Flirting with you
Hitting on you

To me :-

Flirting can still definately be initiated for the exact same purpose, sex. How many women get caught out, "oh he likes me, he told me I had beautiful eyes and then we talked for an hour and he asked me for a date".. to then say, "well I went on the stupid date, all he wanted was to get into my pants, he had his hands all over me and i had to leave"...type of scenario...

Hitting on may be more "forward" I think you guys are using the word aggressive? But maybe mean forward? Right out there, this is what I want baby, your hot, want to come home with me?

Then again, hitting on if that is "forward" being "forward" if the guy is sexy, cute, you're single, lonley and he also "talks to you" and you are having a couple of drinks and the night is young, who knows what a woman would do, .....she may accept...the hitting on.

Tell me Australia and America or anywhere else in the World are not that different in this thought?

[liminal]

Then again, hitting on if that is "forward" being "forward" if the guy is sexy, cute, you're single, lonley and he also "talks to you" and you are having a couple of drinks and the night is young, who knows what a woman would do, .....she may accept...the hitting on.

Well actually a previous poster said that it can take a few minutes to hours if your only looking for sex. But I still haven't gotten a reply as to how such a thng can be done.