[WildChild]

i dont know if any of you have seen the joe rogan comedy, but he talks about this and what he says is so true. Men masturbate, it doesnt mean they dont love you, it doesnt mean they are more interested in pleasuring themselves, its what they do. Since the day they learned how to masturbate its just a part of them. Before you thats what they were doing. They can tell us exactly how they like it and we can try so many different ways of pleasing them. But this is something they have worked with for their whole life they know how they like it. As do us women with our vag. If its one time you caught him i dont think its a big deal, especially if your sex life hasnt been very active. Its not fair to say you cant even look at him. cuz i mean have you been masturbating since you arent getting any? there could be so many reasons why you arent having sex. I dont think its right that he denied it too you but you have to also think how embarassing it was for him. thats just what guys do, they freeze up and lie about it. dudes dont want to get caught masturbating, whether its by their moms, gf's, wives, friends. its just awkward for the both of you. And yeah obviously if he's choosing porn over you theres a problem. but if its a one time thing i say just to talk to him about it.

Read the entire thread, this isn't new or a one time deal.

[Vanyr]

I LOVE THIS!!!

Denial, betrayal, lies = no relationship!

If you can't fathom what you see in the back of your mind, everytime you look at him...

If he can't communicate,denies.

If he can't compromise and discuss.

Then there is no relationship, regardless of what the topic is.

CW

[Vanyr]

boyfriends porn and masturbation are pushing me away from this relationship

"You want to have more intimacy with him, and he obviously has the drive for sexual release , he's just wasting his energy on himself rather than sharing it with you... which is an act of selfishness, and not one that is in anyway good for the relationship. "

This phrase that you posted really stood out to me from your post. I agree with this completely. I want intimacy and passion with my partner and he is just wasting time (which he claims to not have much time for anything) on porn and its selfish. My boyfriend and I have had issues for about a year now if not longer with his porn and masturbation. I am as open as can be and we have at times watched porn together and enjoyed it, I enjoy going to strip clubs and am very open about sexuality. But his selfish acts and lies and betrayals have caused me to shut off, because i feel so disrespected. We had many discussions fights and even a break up because of this. We finally talked it all out and I shared with him that it wasn't so much the porn and masturbation as it was that he tries to hide it or keep it from me and that makes me feel unwanted, pushed away, betrayed and he's just being selfish. He said he understood back in January here we are just a few months later, I had a feeling it was going on again (because now he got a laptop, so its easy access, and I guess I'm thankful he's no longer using MY computer which MY DAUGHTER also uses). I joked about the fact that now he would be doing that on his laptop and he said "no, I'm not" I didnt believe it and knew that if he hadnt done it yet it would happen..I know! So the other night we go to bed and I'm reading for a bit and so was he, then he reached over and grabbed his laptop and as soon as he opened it the sound just came..I looked over at him and just laughed (totally disgusted by him) and he said "oh wtf, why's that there, what's that" really...do you think I'm that much of an idiot...the only idiot there was you and YOU GOT CAUGHT! Then he tries to give me a story of why he did it and he needed to ..yadah yadah ..BS, I dont care that you do it, but stop hiding it from me and be open and honest with me about it. Its ok that you do it but now you are just acting selfish about it and it is ruining our relationship. Masturbation is totally ok, I enjoy it also, but why must you sit there and have to watch another woman in order to do it?

Beautifully well put miss C-dub.

To the Op, this is less about porn and masturbation and more about the fact he isn't concerned with YOUR sexual needs, your desire to feel wanted, craved, special..... and satisfied. You want to have more intimacy with him, and he obviously has the drive for sexual release , he's just wasting his energy on himself rather than sharing it with you... which is an act of selfishness, and not one that is in anyway good for the relationship.

It would be different if you didn't want sex and he turned to self time, but when you are wanting him and he refuses to share himself with you... there is a problem with the intimacy and that is what you need to address with him. If you go after the porn and masturbation all he is going to think is you are just trying to control him etc... he wont see the wedge he is driving in your sexual relationship with him unless you point that out to him.

Also , you mention being sexually available to him... but do you also inniciate? Have you said... in actual words... to him.. that you want him? That you want him more often? Could it be that he thinks he's doing you a favor by not bothering you for sex? If so you need to communicate with him, and share what you want etc.

You deserve to be made love to the way that you want, and so does he... so make sure that you are willing to compromise the time of day you do it, the type of sex you have... if its always having to be romantic, shake it up and have hot dirty quickies on the living room floor etc... exchanging oral sex instead of intercourse sometimes... etc..

[evilgothicjenn]

I gave my fiance 24/7 access to sex (even when I'm SLEEPING!!!) and he still WOULD NOT STOP. Every week I would find more and more sites and pics and videos... RRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!! Thinking about it makes me want to barf. It's so freaking HURTFUL!!! Sick stupid ssh0les. I gave my man an ultimatum. Me or them. You can watch porn WITH me, we can even... masturbate *gag* together! and he STILL did it. So I actually stuck to my guns, and when he realized I wasn't kidding, it stopped all together. I still have ALOT of trust issues after him promising me he wouldn't, and lying when he did like 5 times, but so far it's been since like 3-18 (just over a month) and it's going great. Although, it's ALOT more sex than I realized we would be having, it makes me feel alot less ugly and just... CRAZY. Lol

[WildChild]

Hope he keeps it up (oh dear me and my puns). Having been with a man who was very into, umm, doing his own thing and now being with one who considers porn to be a been there done that and prefer the real thing, it makes a big difference if a man just keeps away from the porn.

[kissme969]

Reply

I think there are a few hypocrites on here. Guys are visual, no other way to put it. They masturbate just like women and enjoy it (see "My Sex Drive is Too High" thread and a portion of it that I thought would help below). So some of the guys are watching porn because they "visualize" when they masturbate. No more, no less. Women visualize in their imagination (smells, sounds, sexy words, passion, etc.) Many women fantasize about those things with a vision of other people in their minds. The guys looks at other women, the women imagine other men. If you say you only masturbate to your man, you are lieing. I know the one who started this thread may have a legitimate concern of a man addicted to porn. But lets please not categorize all men as non-attentive, non-caring, obssessed, etc because they masturbate to porn.

Originally Posted by sophie1130
I have checked the Internet for what and why a woman's sex drive would be too high and all I find are ways to increase your sex drive...I suppose this must be uncommon or just not spoken about.

I go through phases where I could have sex all day over and over again. I become so aroused I can think of nothing else and often masturbate at work.

Is there something wrong with me or are there other women out there who experience this uncontrollable desire in "spurts" or "phases" as well?

Any info/feedback is appreciated as I cannot seem to find anything and am not inclined to go to my doctor and tell him how "turned on" I get.
If you are like me don't look for it to go down..It is just plain wonderful and wild.....Unfortunately, I cannot masturbate in front of my husband..or even talk about it...He is jealous of a machine.... BUT he is asleep and I just showered and I have this hot date with Eric my Eroscillator.....soooooo

[hanny44]

I'm new to this site, and I know these posts are old but I need some support and help!! My boyfriend is addicted to porn and it's killing me. I love him, but sometimes I don't even want to be near him. It disgusts me to the point that it turns me off and we barely ever have sex anymore. It also is making me incredibely insecure. The fact that he is basically drooling over these skinny little young girls with huge breasts makes me feel like I am nothing. I dont have giant boobs and I'm not stick thin. I told him it is ok to masturbate SOMETIMES and ESPECIALLY when I'm not home!! I caught him last night in bed watching porn and it woke me up. Thats what drives me nuts. He is dating ME, he should be attracted to ME but would rather get off to some girl online. I tell him all the time that if he actually payed attention to me, his "need" for porn would go down, and I'd be an all around happier person. Am I totally off for being ****ed off about this? What do you ladies think???

[jns]

hanny, you are fine as you are. You are reading the tea leaves correctly. Is he interested in slowing down or stopping the porn? If not, there isn't much you can do except to endure it or break up with him.

[rcoreyus]

I think porn is OK when sex with your partner is not available, but never as a substitute for partner sex. Some men who watch excessive porn may really be addicted - a word I don't use for most porn viewers. In this case, but addicted I mean that they would like to stop watching, but somehow feel driven to watch. If that is the case, its possible that therapy would help.

[LEELEE82]

It is one thing to be just flat out opposed to porn in any way shape or form, it is quite another to deal with someone (usually male) who is consumed with it. They literally lose interest in touching or interacting with a real woman. When he is masturbating to porn daily, maybe several times a day and there is no sex or the only sex he ever wants is a bj or hj, there is a serious problem. On the rare occasions when they throw you a bone (pun intended) there will be probably no foreplay, no kissing, no intimacy with it, they won't look at their partner, they treat her like a woman on the screen, she is a masturbation tool. If you haven't experienced this it may be hard to understand. I think it is far more damaging than having a partner who is having an affair, at least then they are still connected to the world of real people.[/QUOTE]

I'm going through this EXACT thing right now sadly. He masturbates daily to porn and lacks sexual acts with me. If we do have sex, I have to initiate, I do ALL the work and there is no foreplay etc..pretty much everything that is said in the quote is what is happening. I've tried to talk about this, but he just gets mad at me. He doesn't see that "what I do with my own body" should be a problem or is any of my business...I've offered the sex tape of our own, watch porn together, offered oral and HJ's, he seems intrigued when this is offered, but he never takes me up on it. He just goes off to the bathroom to do his own thing to his special ladies in his phone. I'm trying SO hard to accept this, and deal with "he's a guy, they all do this" but I don't think it's to this extreme with most men? is it? we're both 31 and happy otherwise...I'm just feeling very betrayed and not good enough. I'm willing to do it whenever, wherever! I just don't get it in return and don't know what to do. (we live together, own a truck together etc...) UGH. please someone, help enlighten me on this subject!!