[jns]

You make it sound like masturbation is escapism from real life intimacy.

Masturbation, taken too far, can be escapism - the same as sex all of the time or reading all the time or work all the time, etc. In Buddhist thinking, consider taking the middle path. The interaction of chemicals in the brains of individuals is just now being known, but the philosophy of all things in moderation has been around for a very long time.

[WildChild]

Masturbation, taken too far, can be escapism - the same as sex all of the time or reading all the time or work all the time, etc. In Buddhist thinking, consider taking the middle path. The interaction of chemicals in the brains of individuals is just now being known, but the philosophy of all things in moderation has been around for a very long time.

Its all about balance and growth.

[Guest]

If your boyfriend or husband is seeing to themselves then you're not doing your job right. It's more like you need to relax and learn to have some fun with sex. Maybe he's fed up of the lights off straight missionary offering. Guys like spontaneous sexual stuff. Like sucking him off when he's least expecting it, or if you're out with him in public tell him you've got no underwear on. Serve him breakfast with nothing on. Ask him how many times he thinks you can make him cum using only your hands. Remind him there are two holes down there. Wake him with a bj every morning. Wander into a sex shop next time you're out with him.

Do all of that and he'll forget about the porn, trust me!!

[Guest]

"what kind of man perfers his hand to a willing woman who loves him" well said WC. Which man in their right mind would prefer his own hand to the touch of a loving woman? Partygal has some really good ideas(above) as well.

[WildChild]

Partygirl's ideas will work with some men under some circumstances. However those who use porn to escape intimacy and interaction will not accept it except for that which allows them to use your body as their tool without connecting emotionally in any way. If what you desire is a deeper connection than just being a tool, it won't fly. Even then, they will reach a point where it is just simpler for them not to have any other human involved.

[WildChild]

Of course the other question is, What about what you as a woman and sexual being in your own right desire. Your purpose is not the fulfillment of his desires exclusive of your own.

[oxy-moron]

Nika
There are a couple of signs in your post that the bond in your relationships is not strong.
You are not very tolerant- he is looking at porn.
Google-Love Hormones in Romantic Relationships

This article shows the importance of oxytocin in relationships and relationship communication.
Oxytocin levels in a relationship can be manipulated- once you get his levels high enough he will drift away form porn.

From the article-
Swiss researchers gave artificial oxytocin through an intranasal method to couples and asked them to discuss stressful subjects in their relationship. As in any experiment, there was a control group that was given a placebo. The researchers found that the couples that had received the oxytocin exhibited better communication and reduced stress levels when discussing touchy issues of their relationship.

[Hopeless Dork]

You make it sound like masturbation is escapism from real life intimacy.

Ack... it actually is for A LOT of relationships. If you look at these boards you will see almost weekly... usually twice a week or so a new woman posting about her husband/boyfriend... not having sex with them anymore yet frequently masturbates to porn. And when approached on the issue many claim the lack of sexdrive is because of their 'stress' or being 'tired' (yet some how their sex drive for masturbation remains unchanged by their stress, only their sexdrive for actual sex is affected)

If that is not escapsim from real life intimacy through porn/masturbation I don't know what would be considered to be. Men that are with asexual women that turn to masturbation to fill the physical need for sexual release is not what we're talking about. Men that are with women that are sexual and wanting them and choose to ignore those wants and instead hide in their office and masturbate , rather than connect physically with the woman they 'love'... is totally making masturbation an escapism from real life intimacy.

Why they are attempting (succeeding) in escaping real life intimacy will be as varied as : selfishness, lazyness, feelings of inadequecy in the bedroom, performance worries, boredom with their partner, punishing their partner for some real or perceived wrong through denying them the closeness they crave, or it could simply be that they are porno-sexual/ mono-sexual and have become so habituated to masturbation to tv monitors that they have no desire or ability to be with a living, breathing human being - yet still crave the relationship for emotional reasons.

[jns]

Why they are attempting (succeeding) in escaping real life intimacy will be as varied as : selfishness, lazyness, feelings of inadequecy in the bedroom, performance worries, boredom with their partner, punishing their partner for some real or perceived wrong through denying them the closeness they crave, or it could simply be that they are porno-sexual/ mono-sexual and have become so habituated to masturbation to tv monitors that they have no desire or ability to be with a living, breathing human being - yet still crave the relationship for emotional reasons.

I'm not sure that many exclusionary masturbators crave the relationship for emotional reasons. I think many want it because it fulfills what they were taught (socialized) should happen in the life of a male. Some also have relationships for the benefits they can bring, such as someone to clean the house. Modern times say that the woman will probably work outside of the home and have her own money, so the male doesn't even have to contribute more than half of the money to the household. Also note that a lot of these males are up for bjs and even hjs, just not intercourse. Intercourse usually takes longer, requires an interaction with the woman and requires compromises such as condoms or it could lead to pregnancy. Then, also, she will be looking for an orgasm - just too much work - why cannot she take care of herself (cynical assessment of such males).

[CaliGirl7]

i dont know if any of you have seen the joe rogan comedy, but he talks about this and what he says is so true. Men masturbate, it doesnt mean they dont love you, it doesnt mean they are more interested in pleasuring themselves, its what they do. Since the day they learned how to masturbate its just a part of them. Before you thats what they were doing. They can tell us exactly how they like it and we can try so many different ways of pleasing them. But this is something they have worked with for their whole life they know how they like it. As do us women with our vag. If its one time you caught him i dont think its a big deal, especially if your sex life hasnt been very active. Its not fair to say you cant even look at him. cuz i mean have you been masturbating since you arent getting any? there could be so many reasons why you arent having sex. I dont think its right that he denied it too you but you have to also think how embarassing it was for him. thats just what guys do, they freeze up and lie about it. dudes dont want to get caught masturbating, whether its by their moms, gf's, wives, friends. its just awkward for the both of you. And yeah obviously if he's choosing porn over you theres a problem. but if its a one time thing i say just to talk to him about it.