[liminal]

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[liminal]

I think that this is where the conversation should have started if I knew from the beginning that this was how it was. I mean I get hints indirectly from society that its that way. I think that hopeless dork was saying this too. The dichotomy that I hear in the mainstream discussion is often not especially refined. You either remain celibate or you have sex with the one and only.

Now, I'm rambling but one more point. There's nothing wrong with wanting to go out, have fun, date, and even have sex while not actively looking for 'the one.' Most women don't automatically assume being asked on a date means you're looking for your future missus

[liminal]

I mean the discourse I so often hear is that for men its all about getting laid. That's what I was taught. I have this belief and fear that if I show an interest in a gal and if I don't make a move fast that she will think I'm not attracted to her. Like its whats really normal and expected.

Seriously what do people mean when they say that men are more into sex than women as a defining difference?

Why all of this generalization about men as always lying to them?

[liminal]

I mean the discourse I so often hear is that for men its all about getting laid. That's what I was taught. I have this belief and fear that if I show an interest in a gal and if I don't make a move fast that she will think I'm not attracted to her. Like its whats really normal and expected.

Seriously what do people mean when they say that men are more into sex than women as a defining difference?

Why all of this generalization about men as always lying to them?

[liminal]

Now, I'm rambling but one more point. There's nothing wrong with wanting to go out, have fun, date, and even have sex while not actively looking for 'the one.' Most women don't automatically assume being asked on a date means you're looking for your future missus

So what are the things that women want from sex? I am not looking for generalizations or cliches. There are obviously a lot of answers to this.

I take it from the quote that there is an alternative to the celibacy/true love dichotomy but how does that work? It's an obviously broad question. Question. Such as what reasons do women have sex help fill in the blanks.

[WildChild]

Women have sex for many reasons, just as men do. We too get horny and sometimes just want release. Other times it is about connection and deepening a relationship. It should always be about pleasure for both.

For many years, decades, centuries really, women's sexually has been demonized, belittled and negated. A bizzare mythology developed around some dominate religions that "good" women were not sexual and did not enjoy sex. At the same time there was the idea that women were temptresses trying to drag men into inappropriate behavior. It is a classic manipulation to get people to hold conflicting ideas, it makes it very hard for people to sort things out, esspecially with the threat of eternal punishment thrown in. And so men came to have a widely held belief that women's bodies exsisted for their use. Women came to believe that men only wanted to use them and that any signs of pleasure associated with sex were bad.

We are learning better now but it is a mixed up and confusing process. Some women dress and act very sexually but in reality are not orgasmic and don't really like sex, others love it. Some men delight in learning to pleasure a woman, while others are interested only in their own pleasure. There is a lot of money in selling sex. Magazines write articles about how to get it, be good at it or how to resist it. Porn is acknowledged as accounting for half the internet activity. People spend billions on cosmetics, clothing, hair, body, weight loss, all trying to being more sexually desirable. It drives a great deal of what we humans do, if we are honest.

There are as many alteratives to the "celibacy/true love dichotomy" as there are people willing to try to connect to meet their needs. There is NSA, FWB, there are people who become experts at self pleasuring, people who love each other but choose to live separately, swingers, polyamoury, its a matter of any 2,3,4,5,6, how ever many people, coming together and agreeing on what will work for them.

I get the feeling that you would like a stable, committed relationship? To have a girlfriend you can do things with and share things with and have sex with, whether the two of you want a lifetime commitment or not? Certainly it is simpler that way but people are complex and do tend to make things complicated.

Why not focus on getting to know a few girls, getting out and doing things with them as you (and they) determine how compatible you are? Then you can gradually move into intimacy. Don't worry about things like sex on the third date. One of the things you do when getting to know someone while first dating is to talk about relationships and sex (at least I do- but then some people would say sex is about all I talk about lol) You can discuss that you want a deeper connection before moving into a sexual relationship. Things like holding hands, kissing, touching can let a woman know that you are attracted even if the two of you aren't ready for sex in the relationship yet.

[Hopeless Dork]

So what are the things that women want from sex? I am not looking for generalizations or cliches. There are obviously a lot of answers to this.

I take it from the quote that there is an alternative to the celibacy/true love dichotomy but how does that work? It's an obviously broad question. Question. Such as what reasons do women have sex help fill in the blanks.

Of course there is an alternative to celibacy/true love -- and pages and pages of response explaining what that is: Dating, flings, one nght stands, friends with benefits.


Most women want the same thing from sex that men do -- a pleasurable experience, orgasm... with a man they are physically attracted to (or mentally stimulated by)... that takes the time to ask them what they like.. and make sure they are enjoying things. What specific things will vary woman to woman.

Some women want sex for the attention a man gives her during it... being made to feel special, the intimacy involved in sharing in his pleasure etc.

[liminal]

lol) You can discuss that you want a deeper connection before moving into a sexual relationship. Things like holding hands, kissing, touching can let a woman know that you are attracted even if the two of you aren't ready for sex in the relationship yet.

A deeper relationship can make for deeper sexier sex. But a fun relationship where both of you just want to unleash your inner freakitudity is also something I hope for. And don't get me wrong I've always dreamed of true love. You can't grow up in Hollywood America without getting that dream.

Hopeless Dork and others have spent so much time assuming that I am asking if it okay to walk up to a stranger and say "hey want to bang" that the gist of most of my questions haven't been responded to well enough.

[liminal]

Of course there is an alternative to celibacy/true love -- and pages and pages of response explaining what that is: Dating, flings, one nght stands, friends with benefits.

And I am tryin to find out how you ask do those kind of things without taking short cuts. You have to talk to women sure but I sometimes feel awkward not knowing how to reveal my intentions.

[WildChild]

I think we all want connection and love, its a normal human desire. We also want to experience sex and many levels of pleasure associated with it. The two are best together. Everyone is nervous and excited about starting to explore this, its a bit scary, a challenge and an adventure.

When you meet someone that you may be compatible with, at first you may be a little nervous but as you get to know each other and talk and share some of the things that have happened in your life, your dreams for the future and your thoughts, you will become more and more comfortable together. Then talking about things like sex gets easier.

A good relationship should be fun and a place where you can "unleash your inner freakitudity", as well as having a deep emotional connection. I think is what most of us really want. Comminucation and trust are very important for this to happen, that is why it takes time to get to really know someone. Once you have a connection and trust and good communication, you can deal with almost anything sexual or otherwise.