[waya]

Ok, I think I might know where you're coming from. Like most people, you want to have sex with someone other than yourself (though that can be pretty fun, too XD.) You don't want hollow encounters with people you barely know and you also don't want to have to wait until you're head-over-heels in love, either. You're wondering how you can get what you want while being honest. Ok, so here's my input and I hope it helps a little.

Some women go into the dating world looking for something specific, like love or a long-term relationship. Some don't. Personally, if I go out with a guy and feel a little chemistry I will ask what he is looking for right now (just dating, 'the one,' etc) because I want to be honest with him as well if I feel there could be possibilities. To me, that's very important and something that always comes up if I feel chemistry. As other posters have mentioned, chemistry is key. That's what determines how I will act with and react to each different guy. Every relationship I've had, whether it be just dating and having fun or possibility of love, has been different because every guy has been different.

Now, I'm rambling but one more point. There's nothing wrong with wanting to go out, have fun, date, and even have sex while not actively looking for 'the one.' Most women don't automatically assume being asked on a date means you're looking for your future missus

[liminal]

Actually if you consider that the average guy only has 8 partners in their life and and if we multiply 8 times 1 = 8 you get the maximum total number of times a guy will have have sex if his entire sex life consisted if one night stands.

Your definition of non serious relationships might be in on point.

Kind of off on these....



One night stands = a lot of sex, attention is only of the sex variety. Sex is the whole point to one night stands. + STDs prevalent.




Non serious dating = A lot of sex, or minimal sex depending on the agreement and who the date is with. If it is friends with benefits they are friends emotionally but not interested in 'love dating' and still very willing to have sex maybe everyday if that is their agreement.

[liminal]

Deleted

[ItsASecret]

Actually if you consider that the average guy only has 8 partners in their life and and if we multiply 8 times 1 = 8 you get the maximum total number of times a guy will have have sex if his entire sex life consisted if one night stands.

Sure if you want to consider one guy having 8 one night stands involving only one sex session each he will only have sex 8 times in his life. There can be some men who do it once and never want to have another one night stand again, if he never pursues sex again then so be it that is his choice. But if you want to consider the typical guys partaking in one night stands that number can go way up. A lot of guys will start out with one night stands and hit big numbers, not 1 not 2 not 8, it can get into the hundreds if they are good at talking to the ladies. It is not going to be uncommon to hit up a club and get a girl or two a night. All it takes is some money and alcohol. It happens all the time, in those particular situations. Finding a woman outside of those specific locations willing to just one night stand are not common and will by no means result in the same success.

[WildChild]

Actually if you consider that the average guy only has 8 partners in their life and and if we multiply 8 times 1 = 8 you get the maximum total number of times a guy will have have sex if his entire sex life consisted if one night stands.

Your definition of non serious relationships might be in on point.

You can't make this either/or. Every person, every relationship, is different. Think about people you know, family or friends, for example, cousins, there are probably some you spend a lot of time with and others you may get together with only very rarely but they are both your cousins. When it comes to dating and relationships there may be some that you date for weeks or months, you may have fun together and make out but take a long time before you have sex, if you ever do. There may be others that you go on just a couple of dates with and then become sexually involved.

You really cannot predict what will happen. Its kind of like playing a game, Monopoly for example, you roll the dice and you might get two ones or two twelves or a one and a twelve. You can't control that. You might land on "Go to Jail", you can't control that. But you can control which properties you land on that you decide to buy.

Dating is kind of like that. There are some things you can control like who you talk to and if you ask them out, where you go on the date. There are things you can't control, like how they will act. As you get more experience there are some things you figure that work better for you, just like in the game some people think that to win you have to buy Boardwalk and Park Ave. You may find that you are most comfortable having a date at the Botanic Gardens or a certain coffee shop because you are more relaxed there.

Some people get really lucky and meet their special someone right away and they just click. Other people date a ton before they find someone they want to be with for a long time.

Personally I prefer a long term relationship but never want to get married again. My boyfriend (that sounds funny at our ages) is someone I've known for many years, neither of us is interested in marrying again and we both knew that when we started dating. You may do best and be more comfortable getting to be freinds with a girl before moving into dating.

[Hopeless Dork]

To me though, no strings sex... one nighters... the sex is terrible. There is such awkwardness the first time you sleep with someone that you don't really let your hair down and enjoy the moment... you are less likely to get freaky and really experiment, less likely to say what you like, to just LET GO...

Nothing, imo, beats monogomy with an awesome partner... you get past those first time (together) jitters... time goes on you become less nervous to try new things...

I would never/have never masturbated for a one night stand, or given them a lap dance... or given an intimate bj or demonstrated how I like to be touched or talked dirty or inniciated new positions etc... none of that with one night stands... no sexy costumes or role play, nope... would never do that stuff with no-string one night stand...

But with my boyfriend... i love it all, do it all, and am always looking forward to treating him and me to new adventures... and anticipating the treats he always has in store for me.

A girl can find no-strings sex , one night stands etc... will it be 'good' sex? meh, probably not... which is probably why its a hard sell, that and all the societal pressure of not wanting to be thought of or feel like a sloot.

[liminal]

I think your totally exaggerating what I am expecting. Yes I am going to be honest, I would like to live in a world where it's like that. You just go outside and look out on to the hard gritty streets and out of the loneliness you see something wonderful and alive and your like "Hey you! your cute, I'm cute, let's do something about it!"

It's not like that for sex in this world and it's not like that for anything in this world for just about anything. So I don't expect that. It's not like I can go out an look on the gravel chipped streets and be like "hey you wanna play Nintendo Wii with me I just got a new game today!"

That's not the way it is. I can imagine it being that way. I would like it to be that way, but that's like a day when everybody holds hands and sings "Kumbaya"! It's a nice dream though.

No one is saying sex is so last year... or that there aren't girls out there that would like to have sex without strings attached... I'm just saying that unless you are some drunken spring break party AND are one of those outgoing super charming guys... chances are its going to be really difficult to have girls throwing themself at you for uncommited sex.

No ones trying to decieve you... walk around outside... see if any girls come up and offer themselves for sex... ask random girls if they are interested in going back to your house and having sex with you... and its probably not going to happen.

[Hopeless Dork]

I am honestly not trying to exxagerate what you are expecting... so I am sorry if that is what I am doing. It seems like you presented a question about the moral aspects of no - strings sex... as far as how it would make a girl feel if you asked her for it... if it was objectifying etc...

So I responded explaining it would be insulting if someone where to ask you out of the blue for sex, yes... it probably would not lead to sex, no. I tried to explain the ways people generally go about finding casual/no strings sex... like charming chicks in night clubs/bars/parties... internet dating for casual encounters, or approaching women, talking to them... gaining their interest, asking them for a number or a date...etc... then in any of those scenerios -- basically talking to them, seeing if there is chemistry... finding a setting for you guys to get comfortable being in each others personal space (dates usually provide this, or dancing etc) and seeing if sparks fly.

From everything I've understand that you've written... you are trying to see if there is another way... besides dating, besides hanging out with women and talking to them and seeing if they are interested in you enough to see if they maybe want to go watch a movie at your house, etc... and I can't think of a single one -- not a single one that would yeild results.

So no, honestly i am not trying to be sarcastic or exaggerate... I am really gaining from your words that you are wondering if there is some kind of loop hole that gets you to casual sex without some sort of effort... and i cant think of a single one.

[liminal]

Yes Waya this is exactly what I am talking about. I am not communicating very well though. It's subtle topic I guess.

Ok, I think I might know where you're coming from. Like most people, you want to have sex with someone other than yourself (though that can be pretty fun, too XD.) You don't want hollow encounters with people you barely know and you also don't want to have to wait until you're head-over-heels in love, either. You're wondering how you can get what you want while being honest. Ok, so here's my input and I hope it helps a little.

Some women go into the dating world looking for something specific, like love or a long-term relationship. Some don't. Personally, if I go out with a guy and feel a little chemistry I will ask what he is looking for right now (just dating, 'the one,' etc) because I want to be honest with him as well if I feel there could be possibilities. To me, that's very important and something that always comes up if I feel chemistry. As other posters have mentioned, chemistry is key. That's what determines how I will act with and react to each different guy. Every relationship I've had, whether it be just dating and having fun or possibility of love, has been different because every guy has been different.

Now, I'm rambling but one more point. There's nothing wrong with wanting to go out, have fun, date, and even have sex while not actively looking for 'the one.' Most women don't automatically assume being asked on a date means you're looking for your future missus

[liminal]

Well, I did want to know the precise boundaries. Your pointing out that their is no short cut to casual sex. That you can't say use magic pick up lines except for a tiny proportion of women and even then it's good luck unless your "stud".

I get that and now my questions are focused in dating,

I am honestly not trying to exxagerate what you are expecting... so I am sorry if that is what I am doing. It seems like you presented a question about the moral aspects of no - strings sex... as far as how it would make a girl feel if you asked her for it... if it was objectifying etc...

So I responded explaining it would be insulting if someone where to ask you out of the blue for sex, yes... it probably would not lead to sex, no. I tried to explain the ways people generally go about finding casual/no strings sex... like charming chicks in night clubs/bars/parties... internet dating for casual encounters, or approaching women, talking to them... gaining their interest, asking them for a number or a date...etc... then in any of those scenerios -- basically talking to them, seeing if there is chemistry... finding a setting for you guys to get comfortable being in each others personal space (dates usually provide this, or dancing etc) and seeing if sparks fly.

From everything I've understand that you've written... you are trying to see if there is another way... besides dating, besides hanging out with women and talking to them and seeing if they are interested in you enough to see if they maybe want to go watch a movie at your house, etc... and I can't think of a single one -- not a single one that would yeild results.

So no, honestly i am not trying to be sarcastic or exaggerate... I am really gaining from your words that you are wondering if there is some kind of loop hole that gets you to casual sex without some sort of effort... and i cant think of a single one.