[ItsASecret]

So is making your intentions clear that you find somebody attractive in a frankly sexual way hitting on somebody?

Yes. If you want to consider hitting on somebody as a continuum of different possible things to say then yes you can say "I think you are hot" and that will mean you are hitting on somebody. There is NO definitive definition of what "hitting on" means, it is entirely different to everyone.

What do call that approach to dating? It wouldn't be the only approach I have because different gals give off different vibes. But is that normal?

It is called normal dating. I think its great that you are asking so many questions, not many guys bother to wonder about things like this. They just go out assuming and end up lacking results. It is entirely and completely normal to want something in the way you described. You meet someone sure it would be great if it goes further but there is of course no guarantee. You both talk to each other to come to an agreement of how, or if, you want that relationship to go. That is what the exploration of dating is all about, just getting a feel for how different different people are. Acknowledging that girls all give off different vibes is key, it means you cannot assume that any woman is going to 100% project anything in particular. It also means there is absolutely no way to tell how a woman will react to anything. Just because one woman laughed at a cheesy comment does not mean the next woman will. Also means that if a woman is willing to spread her legs at hello that the next woman by no means is going to do the same thing simply because it occurred with the other woman. There is always going to be a difference in how people act and the only way to see all the different ways people interact with each other is by going out into the dating world.

[Hopeless Dork]

There is a difference between dating and a committed relationship. Dating is what you call it when you meet someone, either are physically or mentally attracted... and want to spend some planned time with them... either to get to know each other better or enjoy eithers company or both.

All dating starts out as just simple dating... you don't need to make ANY intentions clear when you ask someone out on a date... a date is a date, there is no woman that is going to say ... this guy asked me out to dinner, he obviously wants to marry me. No. Dating is just dating... now if you see the same person over and over again... it leans into a more serious dating... and how you define what you have, is between the people involved as far as whether or not you want to see other people etc...

But in the initial dating phase -- its well known to most people dating, that either party may want something serious, may want something fun... but neither generally put much stock in the first few dates... its about seeing how you click etc.

So no there is really no distinction between dating for sex, dating for friendship, dating for fun, dating for a relationship...when asking someone out for a first date. When asking someone out or accepting a first date... there isn't any expectations so no need to clarify , or define to the person you are asking out or accpeting a date from. You either want to see if you click or you don't. How you click, whether or not you click, if there is sexual chemistry, if you both get on well, if you can't stand each other... will reveal itself soon enough.

You are putting way to much emphasis and concern on subsets and types and having very specific rules to follow and its all so much more casual than that. You meet someone one, you have an interest in them... so you attempt to gain their interest... if you have it, you ask them if they'd like to go somewhere more quiet to talk (if you are at a club or party) or ask them if you can have their number and maybe get together soon. If they agree... you call, you talk.. you schedule a date... you don't need to define it, you don't need to find out if she's looking for sex or a relationship... you just go on the date...

Once on the date, through eye contact, smiles, mannerisms and tone of voice... you should be able to get a vibe if a woman is 'into' you... and you can try with small steps like hand on the leg, if she moves away from that... back off, if she responds positively... you can proceed to attempt to kiss etc... you won't be able to tell what to do or what may work until you are in the situation... until you follow her cues and take it from there.

If it leads to sex, so be it. If it doesnt and you had fun, you can ask to see her again if you want to. Again... she's not going to ask you at that point what your intentions are... its not til after several dates and a real connection do women by and large start seeking a definition for the dating, is it exclusive etc.

[liminal]

But in the initial dating phase -- its well known to most people dating, that either party may want something serious, may want something fun... but neither generally put much stock in the first few dates... its about seeing how you click etc.

So it sounds to me that people kind of test the waters by kissing etc to see if a person like them sexually. Okay I have to know this. Do women expect that a guy is hoping to get laid? I mean if that's the case there is no point making trying to demonstrate it us there?

I just feel like I kind if have an anxiousness to get laid and that feeling sort of goes against the natural flow of things when your dating doesn't it?

I don't want to come across as all weird but no one expects a person to want to be celibate right?

[liminal]

It does seem like their is a lot it pressure on a guy to be able to read a girls mind. So you have to just be assertive and accept that everyone responds differently. Like I asked hopeless dork do girls normally expect a guy to be at least hoping to get laid? I wander if an anxiousness to get laid goes outside of the normal flow of things or not especially when all sorts of women have different intentions.

It is called normal dating. I think its great that you are asking so many questions, not many guys bother to wonder about things like.

[ItsASecret]

You are over analyzing everything Liminal lol, you just gotta sit back and relax a bit. There is no code, no form, no set plan of attack, no necessary mind reading, no hints gestures or comments that you must abide by to get laid, no definitive "if you do this you will get laid", there is no certain judgment call, there is no "if she looks to the left your getting laid" type cues, there is no guaranteed action, there is no guaranteed girl that will respond to everything, there is no set code that women follow, there is no set rule women follow, there is no set defined style of woman, there is no particular hidden intentions you must find, there is no hidden agendas you must find, there is no "if she goes on a date expect (insert whatever you think should happen)"...the only thing that will be constant for every single date you may or may not go on is that every single woman will be different. That is it. Everything is going to be different for every single situation you enter. You have to approach each situation as its own situation. There can be learning from past mistakes but that is why dating is so good for that, you learn each time something does not work out.

[liminal]

I am not overanalyzing. I am trying to come to terms with the awkward feeling of anxiously wanting to get laid (as two mutually horny people) with not wanting to feel like I am being weird and overly focused on the wrong things. I want to feel natural and normal when I am dating.

[liminal]

I just feel like

1. I am very interested in the opposite sex and how girls think and feel about things and want to show that interest and have it reciprocated with an interfered in me and how I think and feel about things.

2. I'd really like to have wild sexual fun.

I can very easily be 1. with the opposite sex because that is just how I naturally am.
But I don't know exactly how to fit my desire for 2. in a way that naturally works with 1.

I feel like since I have an anxious desire for 2. It makes it hard to just be myself and focus on 1.

Like if I am number 1. then I have no way of being able to control the flow of things so that I can get to number 2. and then things will just be awkward and disappointing for me.

Am I making any sense? Is wanting to get laid part of a whole separate agenda or will people understand that?

[waya]

I am not overanalyzing. I am trying to come to terms with the awkward feeling of anxiously wanting to get laid (as two mutually horny people) with not wanting to feel like I am being weird and overly focused on the wrong things. I want to feel natural and normal when I am dating.

Ok, maybe look at it this way. Would you want to have sex with a woman you didn't like otherwise? Probably not. So, when you're going on your first date use it to see if you just like each other and get along. You can still be horny but focus on finding out if this is a good person you can be yourself and have fun with. But the awkward feeling is pretty natural, most everyone feels that way when getting to know someone. It's just part of the territory.

To answer one of your other questions: Yes, I expect if a guy asks me out he would probably be very happy for a chance to have sex with me.

[Hopeless Dork]

You are going to have to just go on some dates and trial and error it (like the rest of the population). There will be dissapointments, embarassing situations, awkward moments... exhilerating situations, excitement, fun, butterflies, pleasure, anticipation... the good with the bad essentially... thats the world of dating, sex, relationships (casual or committed)... thats life.

[liminal]

I am so confused I am not even sure how badly I should want sex. All I have are vividly intense fantasies combined with a kind of urge to fulfill those fantasies. But I've never had them fulfilled. So in a way I am confused about how badly as a guy I should even want sex.

And I am confused about how much women expect me to want sex not having had experience.

And another thing is I feel really like an outsider and that nobody else is going to care about my needs anyways.