[Hopeless Dork]

I've known lots of women that go to parties, night clubs, bars...etc -- and a guy they are attracted to strikes up a conversation with them, they hit it off sit and have a drink , joke and laugh... the guy asks if she'd like to go back to his place -- some go, some don't go... many that go... most , probably... end up having some sort of sexual encounter -- obviously she is expecting no commitment... as they just met. That is as casual as casual sex gets. Maybe they exchange numbers and make a date for the next weekend... maybe they never talk to each other again. A typical one-night stand.

If one nighters are all a person is looking for -- that is probably the best scenario as far as upping your odds for success goes... you are more likely to meet women that will go home with you in that sort of setting... than say at a coffee shop or bookstore. Because in the latter scenerio you likely won't ask a person home, more likely for their number and then schedule a date from there. If she is looking for something serious she is probably not going to mention that immediatly... because just because a woman is wanting a relationship , doesn't mean she wants it with any guy that asks her out -- she would likely want to date and see if you guys mix well, etc.

As far as the 3rd date thing... the longer a woman waits to have sex with you while dating... the more likely it will be that she will be expecting or wanting something committed or at least serious before having it, or after having it. A woman cautious enough with her heart and body to hold off on intercourse until she has gotten to know you well... is mostly likely (though not true in all cases) looking for something different than no strings attached sex.

[liminal]

What it meant would deepend on the context and the two of us as a whole.
I think exclusivity is pretty basic and it's a norm that's pretty consistent in our society.

Would you say that the relationship gets serious when you have sex?
What is the difference between a serious and not serious sexual relationship?

What it means to the woman will be different with each individual... Maybe try and focus on what it means to you since that is something you can answer...

Personally... the commitment I'd want from that other person is that while we are seeing each other we are exclusive, But that is just how I feel about being intimate with someone...

[liminal]

Really? I was never sure about that. There's two ways people describe the dating scene. Constant sex and nobody having sex but it's confusing because it's always described indirectly.

Non serious dating means no sex then?

I'd guess it would mean you aren't serious about sex...

Most of those people that are dating to have companionship or to be out and having fun don't end the night with sex.

[Hopeless Dork]

In a world of STD's, etc... people are less likely to hop in the sack with anything that moves -- condoms do not protect against herpes, and condoms could slip, break or tear leaving people open to contracting anything. Some people that don't want a relationship, but do want sex have casual sexual relationship (meaning, no love, no commitment) with one person (a friend with benefits) this way they both know they are not sleeping around -- and only with each other. That is a form of a serious, but casual sexual relationship. Casual because either party can break it off at any point when they decide its not what they want anymore... but that goes for all relationships really doesn't it?

I am not meaning to crush your hopes of easy casual sex, liminal... or trying to assume thats all you want... all I am trying to say is that it isn't easy to find women that will sleep with you just to sleep with you... unless you have this amazing charm with women, some major stud-like appeal. For average joe's... its a lot harder to get lots of casual sex, especially if they are shy and don't feel comfortable approaching women, or have the ability to retain their attention once you have approached.

Thats why I mention, if you aren't comfortable on the dating scene, you probably would not be comfortable on the pick-up artist scene just trying to land the prize. Dating will get you comfortable with women... and from there you will be alot more comfortable inniciating sexual encounters.

[liminal]

I do not know what the pick up scene is about but the whole idea of getting one night stands without seeing the person again makes no sense to me just even from a sexual point if view. That would be a ton of one night stand to keep one satisfied. An impossibly ridiculously high number.

I don't think I was ever talking about being a pick up artist in that sense of the term. Is that all there is going on.

1. One night stands=not much sex or attention + STDS
2. Non serious Dating = no sex but no emotions either.
3. Committed long term sexual relationship.

There has to be at least a fourth category right?

[liminal]

Deleted

[liminal]

Its kind of weird what you guys are telling me in a way. There was a whole article in Slate magazine about how young women these days are giving themselves up easy to guys who want easy sex.


I read magazines and you know hear guys talk raunchy etc and I imagine that that is what people do. And then I come here and everybody tells me sex is so last year.

[ItsASecret]

Kind of off on these....

1. One night stands=not much sex or attention + STDS

One night stands = a lot of sex, attention is only of the sex variety. Sex is the whole point to one night stands. + STDs prevalent.

2. Non serious Dating = no sex but no emotions either.

Non serious dating = A lot of sex, or minimal sex depending on the agreement and who the date is with. If it is friends with benefits they are friends emotionally but not interested in 'love dating' and still very willing to have sex maybe everyday if that is their agreement.

[ItsASecret]

There was a whole article in Slate magazine about how young women these days are giving themselves up easy to guys who want easy sex.

Add alcohol and anything is possible. The women loaded with booze and in a club are the talk of these guys in magazines, to the guys in the magazines they are pretty darn happy that so many women will go home with them with just a bit of alcohol. They like those girls, so they comment on those girls, and ignore the other women that do not play out like that

I read magazines and you know hear guys talk raunchy etc and I imagine that that is what people do. And then I come here and everybody tells me sex is so last year.

Because that is why the magazine sells. It is a delusion in the article, a made up fantasy that everything and everyone is a walking raunch-fest ready to just get it on. It is not true when you apply it to the real world. Things like that sell because certain guys absolutely love the idea that all girls are ready to blow them like the magazine may have said. It sounds so great on paper that they wish it were true so they think it is true and try it out on a random girl and they get slapped. What the magazine does not want a person to realize is that it is just a bunch of text on paper and nothing concrete, no facts, no "do this and you will get laid" is going to 100% work. There is absolutely a time to play around and get the raunch on but it does not at all apply to just anyone you meet.

[Hopeless Dork]

No one is saying sex is so last year... or that there aren't girls out there that would like to have sex without strings attached... I'm just saying that unless you are some drunken spring break party AND are one of those outgoing super charming guys... chances are its going to be really difficult to have girls throwing themself at you for uncommited sex.

No ones trying to decieve you... walk around outside... see if any girls come up and offer themselves for sex... ask random girls if they are interested in going back to your house and having sex with you... and its probably not going to happen.

I know you are wanting to know concepts and theories and generalizations... and you don't want to believe the magazines have been pooling the wool over your eyes... but really, in practical real life -- unless a guy is some major hottie that is very assertive and flirty/funny/smart... he's going to have to work a little to get a women interested in getting in his pants.

Either with dates, either by sitting and talking to them and getting to know them, etc... while anyting short of that sure is possible... its just not very likely.