[Marie36]

"If a man is rejecting sex, there's other issues in the background that are not being voiced! Communication is the answer to all problems in a relationship. "

I completely agree with the above statement made by mooseknuckler. If your sex life is suffering, there's more to it than a man looking at porn every so often. I know this is old, but I'm new on here and found this to be interesting. The problem with some of what is said in this thread is that some people are giving one answer for all men or relationships. You can't do that. Alot of men can look at porn every so often and be done with it while continuing a healthy sex life with their partner. However, there are other men who truly become addicted to it. I'm talking about men who feel the "need" to look at porn no matter how often they are having sex with their partner. And once it becomes an addiction, it becomes very dangerous to the relationship and even the individual. There are women who are open to using porn in their relationship, but the men refuse to watch porn with them, because they feel it's "theirs". In other words, it's personal and only for them to have for themselves. They don't want the woman included. There are also men who run up hundreds of dollars per month in sex calls, pay per view orders and porn sites despite whether or not they can afford it. These are men with a problem. It's important to remember that porn, just like many other things can and has become an addiction. And there are more porn/sex addicts out there than we care to admit. So, it's not the same for everyone and if you do have a problem with your partner using porn, it's important to discuss it with them. If they're not addicted to it and it's not such a big deal like many people posted on here, then they won't mind giving it up to make you feel more comfortable. Like mooseknuckler said, communication is the answer.

[Millania]

ugh I bet I will get attacked for saying what I have to say
my husband has been watching porn for as long as I can remember
I think I started to find history in 2005 however I am sure he watched way before then
his brother is also into porn, also married, his brothers wife is VERY conservative and I am sure does not do half the things the women on there do

I do everything for my man as long as it does not involve a third person, and he still watches it, I cant lie, it bothered me for a while, but I find it to be my own insecurities that caused me to get hurt
Back when I was thin and toned, him watching without me did not bother me,but recently I have gained some weight(about 20 pounds ) and recently I found out he was watching porn again when I would go to work about 2 to 3 times per week, I was so devestated
I tried talking to him about it repeatedly but he has informed me that it is better that he is watching porn than what some men do out there instead-such as going out to bars meeting real women
He doesnt see the big deal, he used the "every guy does" excuse etc
Well I have learned to accept his porn use, its still hard, I cant deny that somedays I feel less sexy if he has been watching it, because I know all those girls are usually perfect,sexy, beautiful
I am working hard on myself, working out 5 days a week trying to get this weight off to make MYSELF feel better so I have more confidence and maybe his porn use will bother me even less in the future
I know even if I looked perfect he would still look, and I am learning to accept it(have gotten lots of advice from friends)
Thank goodness for this board, I am trying to stay on the acceptance fence
I KNOW sometimes he needs a quick release I am trying SO very hard to accept that he watches it a few times a week to "get off"
Thankfully he gives me sex about 3 to 4 times week and I am super satisfied
He initiates all the time though I am learning/trying to be more "spunky" in the initiating process, I am going to work on this one(because I have never had to initiate)
I guess..duh..he wants to feel desired by me, so he has expressed his wish of me initiating sex, I need to initiate more, maybe this will calm his viewing down to 1 time per week etc
Anyway just wanted to put in my 2 cents
Thanks everyone for posting, it was very helpful for me to read about wives/girlfriends that do not see anything wrong with occasional porn use from their husbands

[Marie36]

Millania, no one should attack you for having an opinion or for what you personally are experiencing. Like I said, everyone...and every relationship is different. For some couples, porn is not acceptable in any form. They all have their own reasons for it, whether it be insecurities, moral or religious convictions, addiction issues or having children who may come across it...whatever their reasons, it's not accepted by everyone. Other couples don't mind it once in awhile or while they watch it together and other couples don't give it any thought at all and watch it as often as they want together or separately. It just depends on the relationship. I have found that some women aren't really okay with it, but feel like they're supposed to be, because society says they are....so they let it go.

I still agree with mooseknuckler in regards to communication. I think it's great that you realize you need to initiate sex sometimes and make him feel wanted, but maybe he could lose some of the porn and make you feel more confident that he wants you too?? Not sure if that would help you feel better about it?? It just all goes back to the communication and some compromise. I had to force myself to step up and initiate in the past and now it's not an issue. It was, because I felt very insecure about myself and I think I always worried about rejection. But now it comes naturally to both of us...whoever the mood strikes first! lol But as far as the porn goes, if you feel he's viewing it too much, talk to him about it and see if you can reach some kind of compromise. One good thing....your sex life doesn't seem to be suffering if you are having it 3-4 times a week. I don't know if the porn helps with that or not, but at least it's a healthy sex life.

[Millania]

thx marie for replying! I will definitley write more on monday when I get access to a computer, I am very insecure about my body right now I think thats the main reason I dont initiate, I am SO afraid of being rejected working very hard at the gym

[Millania]

thx Marie-just continuing what I was talking about the other day, Yes I have talked about it, he doesnt see what the big deal is since he views it about once or 2 times per week, he tells me "its not like I look at it every day" so I am going to drop it, and just deal...I am sure once I loose this weight I will feel better about myself and him looking at it a few times week "maybe" wont be such a big deal...we will see..thanks again..

[Wintertime]

Give in to laziness often enough and end up with disfunctional

porn really is no big deal!

i would say 99% of men use porn, i was in the army and all the guys i knew used porn. most men admit to using porn, all my husbands friends use porn, i know because they buy porn dvds from my husbands brother.

using porn is purely for masterbation purposes, basically it is the lazy option to engaging in intercourse, intercourse takes effort, and more time. people can be and are lazy at times.

also men do not look at porn because they are not happy with there woman, you could be miss world and your hubby would still look at porn (LAZY OPTION) to engaging in sex.

has long has your partner meets your sexual needs and loves you, their really is nothing to worry about.

frankly i would be more worried if my hubby did not look at porn because he might be into something worse, IE, he might be gay or into hookers or heaven forbid kids.

i have watched all the porno dvds that are in my house and they are no big deal.

ladies if you discover your man has a secret porn stash! firstly so do 99% of all men. also it no way reflects on you or how you look.

Really, most men do respond to what is expected of them. I expect my dude to shift 99% of his porn energy into our relationship and for the most part he does. I suggest all of you who aren't totally comfortable with his porn watching draw that line in the sand. And Hotdogg, no one is suggesting that finding other people attractive or having fantasies about others is the problem. Don't confuse porn watching with these otehr things.

[Millania]

Wintertime, I have tried telling him to stop watching it but he wont
he says he doesnt see the big deal that its just porn and all men watch it
I have told him how much it hurts me he says its because I am insecure, whch is so true, when I was toned and fit, I could care less if he watched porn, now I have gained weight and all of a sudden i go cry in the bathroom because he has been watching again, its ridiculous that most men dont see the big deal
I gues most men dont realize that women are so bothered by this because we know that if they watched porn that day, thats probaby the woman they are thinking about when they are banging us..am I right? just my own insecurities and assumptions I guess

[WildChild]

I used to really not care about porn one way or the other but my view is starting to change. What I've found, rather like video games seem to affect my teen's mood negatively, porn seems to kind of "numb" men to the nuances and emotional connection of a sexual relationship. I will think twice and thrice before getting involved with another man who is really into porn. Not that I would say absolutely none, but there would have to be a clear understanding the moment I see his hand getting more than I do, or myself doing without sexually in anyway while he is wathcing porn, that would end the relationship.

[Millania]

Wildchild-good thinkin' I just dont see what all the fuss is about(with men that HAVE to watch it all the time) I mean the SECOND my hubby is alone in the house(because we live with others) its very rare he gets to be alone, he RUNS for the porn, its so annoying
Doesnt it get boring to men/women? I tried and tried to get into it, watch it, mstrbt to it, but I just cant get into it like men do. It gets SO boring to me so quickly, I gues thats why I cant understand why some men absolutley HAVE to have it as part of their life

[Hopeless Dork]

Guys will state over and over again how its no big deal (to them) but it is extremely hard to believe its no big deal if they simply can't let it go when they are in a relationship with a person that actually wants sex with them.

When my guy has said to me, its just what 'all guys' do it makes me cringe to the inside of my core. He is not a'll guys'. He is one guy. My guy. I don't treat him like I do 'all guys' and so therefore dont expect him to treat me in the way that 'all guys' would.