[knuckles]

My wife loves me dearly, but as she has said in the past she has no interest in sex.
I’m sure at the time she said this in the heat of the moment, when we had a disagreement, but I’m believing this more and more.
We do have sex approximately once a week, but I feel like she is just going through the motions. To be honest I love sex especially when both people are into it, but if she’s not into it, I’m not into it. If I suspect she isn’t into it I will stop because I don’t want to do something she isn’t into. Strangely I feel like I’m the only bloke who likes the hugs and kisses before the deed and anytime for that matter, I’m sure sometimes she just wants it over and done with.
The last 4 times we’ve had sex I have been unable to cum because I get the feeling she doesn’t be there and can’t finish, It’s very frustrating.
Every time we have sex I try to put her needs in front of mine but she doesn’t want to cum and doesn’t even want to try, unless she climaxes on her own I think it has been over 6 weeks since I made her orgasm, ( Do some women like sex without even trying to cum ? ).

I don’t ask for sex at all, I did but don’t like the rejection, So a lot of the time the wife suggests it for later that night if we are having a few drinks or whatever. She gets tired and then remembers that we were going to do it, then offers “you can jump on if you want” I can feel the lack of enthusiasm so I say “ Tonight your tired, tomorrow we have this or that on why don’t we make it for the day after that.
Surely this is the way to go.

So when the day arrived she still didn’t want to be there. Just went through the motions, I can tell because I get the rules “don’t talk, don’t touch me there (not allowed to play with her clit while penetrating Why?) And do you know what time it is? All of these are big turn offs. No orgasm tonight.

The next morning she must have known I was upset because she offered it again,
Why couldn’t she make some effort the night before. I would bend over backwards to make her cum and she couldn’t do it with a smile on her face.

What am I doing wrong what can I do better?

Thanks for your help
Mr Frustrated

[rcoreyus]

This sounds depressingly familiar. I can sympathize from experience that it is miserable to be in this situation. There have been a lot of threads on this here, sadly its a common problem for men AND women.

I haven't found a solution after 25 years of trying. Some others posting here have had better success, but most have not. Sometimes there are specific things that can be fixed, but often it just seems that some people just don't enjoy sex, and never will.

How long have you been married? Do you have kids?

[knuckles]

Been married for 11 years, 3 kids between 11 and 7.
The kids have been away for a week, my parents took them away for a week on holidays. So a week home together, no kids just the two of us.
It's not the frequency of sex rather the quality, We had a great time together not doing anything spectacular just time together, got along great talked a lot.
Not once in that time she made a move on me.
She knows I love sex and uses it, like "if you go to the shops for me I'll give you a BJ / sex or something" I would usually go without the bonus. But once again, once it is time for the dead loses intrest, another jump on if you want. Maybe I should say I go to the shops if I can make you cum next time.
It hasn't always been like this, about 6 months ago she seem more into it.
At least I'm not the only one,

Thanks Rcoreyus for your kind words.

[Texasred]

My wife loves me dearly, but...

...but she has an odd way of showing it!

...I feel like she is just going through the motions. ...I feel like I’m the only bloke who likes the hugs and kisses before the deed and anytime for that matter,...

You're not the only one who feels this way, nor as rcoreyus said, are you the only one in this situation.

The last 4 times we’ve had sex I have been unable to cum because I get the feeling she doesn’t be there and can’t finish, It’s very frustrating.

Been there, didn't do that! :-)

I don’t ask for sex at all, I did but don’t like the rejection, So a lot of the time the wife suggests it for later that night if we are having a few drinks or whatever. She gets tired and then remembers that we were going to do it, then offers “you can jump on if you want” I can feel the lack of enthusiasm so I say “ Tonight your tired, tomorrow we have this or that on why don’t we make it for the day after that.
Surely this is the way to go.

So when the day arrived she still didn’t want to be there. Just went through the motions, I can tell because I get the rules “don’t talk, don’t touch me there (not allowed to play with her clit while penetrating Why?) And do you know what time it is? All of these are big turn offs. No orgasm tonight.

Yep, "depressingly familiar" pretty well sums it up.

[rcoreyus]

Oh BAD BAD BAD BAD!!!!! I think that sex should never be a reward in a relationship. It is great to do something you don't particularly like to please your partner, but enjoying their pleasure should be the reward. Of course they should do the same for you. Trading sex for other actions or goods is.... well there is a word for people who trade sex for other things.

I was hoping you would say that you were recently married, no kids.

I wish I had something useful to suggest, but all I can tell you are the things that haven't worked for me.

Leave, Cheat, or have a miserable sex life. A really awful set of choices.

snip
She knows I love sex and uses it, like "if you go to the shops for me I'll give you a BJ / sex or something"
.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Let's take sex aside, honeymoon phase only lasts so long, but "love" is a different story... To laugh, to be hugged, to smile without sex involved, to remember the lust, brings a thought pattern which she is trying, he loves me I have to try but there is something missing because she renegs.

Sex is not there if there is a "friendship, he's/she's a good mate" but I am not attracted but sex is there if the mystery is there, if the I don't want to lose him/her is there...

Tell us about your relationship not your sexual life so we can provide more thoughts/opinions.

[Texasred]

Mr. Frustrated, you asked "What am I doing wrong?"
Putting up with it, for one thing.
She's jacking you around, and I'm not sure it really has much to do with sex; it just sounds like she's messing with you.
She knows that when she tells you to "just jump on," you won't, but there - she's made the offer! - and you're the one who turned her down!
Gives her the morally superior position, in her mind.

[Guest]

The wisdom of Chandlers Wish, the (real life) experience of Rcoreyus, the well read knowledge of WildChild are some of your "better" advisors in this situation.

Respectfully, I step aside to allow those that can help you better, do their best.

This is an amazing forum with wonderful caring people...trust me.

No offense implied or intended towards anyone else.

I wish you and your partner the best.

[oxy-moron]

It does sound like she is embarrassed by the intimate nature of sex.
How was she during the first year of the relationship- did she seem to enjoy things back then.
I beleive that you will be able to boost her interest by boosting her oxytocin levels but all you will be able to reach is the level of interest that she had in the first year.

[leezard]

Has she started on any kind of meds in the last 6 months or a year? Also, how old is she?

One other thing people go through is a woman's sudden lack of interest in sex -- their drive goes into park and it's just not a fun hobby anymore. This is the fabulous world of getting older, and while many women will snap out of it, some of them won't.