[Guest]

i believe that a person who is already violent and abusive would be reinforced by watching abusive and violent images, but that would also include many 18 rated movies, not just porn movies.

OK - but that's not what your article said. it said this:

"exposure to material that contains sexist or violent depictions can promote undesirable attitudes and behaviors"?

it didn't say anything about the viewer having to already be violent or nonviolent. it said that exposure to material that is sexist or violent can promote bad attitides & behavior. period.

do you believe that?

[ejreams]

A Guys Opinion

Ok, I am a guy and my girlfriend and I got into a little fight about this today and so we went surfing pages to see what people had to say about it. and Honestly heres my opinion. I personaly am not "Addicted" to porn in any way. but I have a really really really high sex drive and there are times when I can't or know I shouldn't bother her and I don't know what else to do about it because I want her. and Key word want her, but Its not a good time. Especialy during that time of the month.

So we have more talking to do about this topic obviously because I know she doesn't feel the greatest about it. And I understand how it could and most likley would hurt her feelings because I'd feel just as bad if I felt she didn't find me attractive or "want it" from me. But I also feel that its not a big deal in most cases, I mean for the addicts yea thats a problem. But most guys just need to do their buisness and get back to doing whatever Working, Watching TV. whatever they do.

and as for it being cheating? No I'm sorry but I find that rediculous. I definatly understand how it could be hurtful. However, I feel that it is not cheating.

So anyway, the way I see it, its a personal matter between yourself and your partner.
We have some what came to our agreements and comprimised to what we feel is appropriate.

if anyone has any questions or comments for me send me an Email at ejreams*hotmail.com

[Guest]

ej -

thanks for your post. very honest & down to earth.

one thing i want to respond to - about the cheating thing. i understand why you would think that's ridiculous. i have a hard time with that too - even with my passionate hatred for porn.

but the idea is that porn use can have the same impact on a woman that cheating with another person can have. i think is why many women say it's the same as cheating.

the thing that is truly devestating about infidelity is - what? it's a purposeful & deliberate turning away from your partner & turning toward someone else for sex, intimacy, release, fun.

for many women, there's no difference if it's someONE else, or someTHING else. the fact that it's anyone or anything other than her is enough to bring about the damage.

it's not a big deal to most guys because of our ability to totally separate sex & emotion. we could get off with a tree if it turned us on - no need to be connected emotionally. so porn offers just that - sexual fun without any intimacy or connection.

women - well many women - on the other hand do not separate the two. sex & intimacy are hand in hand, inseparable. so your engaging in anything sexual with anything or anyone other than her can be interpreted as your being intimate & connecting with something other than her.

in that regard, it's the same as cheating - in so much as cheating means being sexually intimate with someone other than your partner. therein lies the age-old argument:

she says, "i can't believe you could do that? am i not enough?"

he says, "what's the big deal? it's just an orgasm?"

[Guest]

a panel of randomly selected adults viewed a scene from a red light district film, "two in the seat #3." after the scene, the participants commented - robert jensen, in his book, "cruel edge," said this regarding the comments that the study participants made:

This all would be easier if we could pretend that these images are consumed by some small subset of deviant men -- if we could answer the question "what kind of men like those things" by pointing to emotionally disturbed men, or pathological men who have some problem that could explain this. Then we could identify and isolate those bad men, maybe repair them. But the answer to the question is: Men like me. Men like all of us. Men who can't get a date and men who have all the dates they could want. Men who live alone and men who are married. Men who grew up in liberal homes in which pornography was never a big deal and men who grew up in strict religious homes in which no talk of sex was allowed. White and black and brown and any-other-color-you-can-imagine men. Rich men and poor men. And all the king's men.

I am not suggesting all men use pornography, or that all men who use pornography want material in which women are hurt and humiliated, or that all men who use pornography are bound to then want to hurt and humiliate women. I am simply saying that much of the pornography in the United States records scenes of women being hurt and humiliated; that men masturbate to orgasm to those images; and that those men are not deviants but are acting on the cultural norms that are widely taught. And I am suggesting that these facts should matter to us; they should scare us.

[Nightelf]

Hi,
I am new here and my views stem from a fairly conservative upbringing. I have had a very bad experience with a man and his addiction to porn. My ex bf was completely addicted but he had an addictive personality and at the end of the day it wasnt the porn that was the problem but the man. It is not nice to admit but if your bf/fiance/husband is choosing porn over you then you have a problem and it isnt porn.
Having sex, making love, what ever you want to call it is not about an orgasm, and please do not confuse with me with a romantic, because I am not. But it is something that is a core part of your relationship and brings you closer, cements your love for each other. If that is not the case and you are just ****ing then whether he prefers porn to you makes no difference at all.
My fiance and I have an incredibly honest relationship. We knew that from the word go he has watched porn. BUT he will never chose it over me and he doesnt hide it from me. Granted he knows that I am not freaked out by it. So he wont have a reason to hide it. He doesnt use it on his own and he isnt into anything strange. Run of the mill action. Like someone said, the male is visually stimulated.
I cant say porn spices up our sex life because we so rarely watch any. And the sex is mind blowing all the time.
He is also not the type of guy that wants to hump everything that doesnt move fast enough. His sex drive is healthy and controlled. What more can a girl ask for?
We havent been together for 10 years so I cant forecast what it will be like by then but if I have any opinion on this topic besides what I have written above it is this: If the man is hiding it from you, there is a problem. If he is choosing it over you then that is a sign you cant ignore.
I am so so sorry for the women that are feeling less worthy because their men are choosing porn over them. I have been there, it breaks you. But like I said, the problem is not the existence of porn. The problem lies in the relationship.

[Guest]

Hi,
at the end of the day it wasnt the porn that was the problem but the man. It is not nice to admit but if your bf/fiance/husband is choosing porn over you then you have a problem and it isnt porn.
Having sex, making love, what ever you want to call it is not about an orgasm, and please do not confuse with me with a romantic, because I am not. But it is something that is a core part of your relationship and brings you closer, cements your love for each other. If that is not the case and you are just ****ing then whether he prefers porn to you makes no difference at all.

you are so dead on. great points.

i would argue that the porn is the problem - just teh same as the adictive substance in any addiction is the problem. but treating it requires going to the root, not the symptom - and this is what you've brought out so well.

a guy's addiction to porn is rarely about sex - it's about a much deeper need or unresolved problem. if the only reason he doesn't choose porn is because he can't - then you really still don't have his heart. you just have forced compliance.

so would you be willing to talk a little more about how porn influenced your previous relationship?

[ejreams]

ej -

thanks for your post. very honest & down to earth.

one thing i want to respond to - about the cheating thing. i understand why you would think that's ridiculous. i have a hard time with that too - even with my passionate hatred for porn.

but the idea is that porn use can have the same impact on a woman that cheating with another person can have. i think is why many women say it's the same as cheating.

the thing that is truly devestating about infidelity is - what? it's a purposeful & deliberate turning away from your partner & turning toward someone else for sex, intimacy, release, fun.

for many women, there's no difference if it's someONE else, or someTHING else. the fact that it's anyone or anything other than her is enough to bring about the damage.

it's not a big deal to most guys because of our ability to totally separate sex & emotion. we could get off with a tree if it turned us on - no need to be connected emotionally. so porn offers just that - sexual fun without any intimacy or connection.

women - well many women - on the other hand do not separate the two. sex & intimacy are hand in hand, inseparable. so your engaging in anything sexual with anything or anyone other than her can be interpreted as your being intimate & connecting with something other than her.

in that regard, it's the same as cheating - in so much as cheating means being sexually intimate with someone other than your partner. therein lies the age-old argument:

she says, "i can't believe you could do that? am i not enough?"

he says, "what's the big deal? it's just an orgasm?"

Well, I can understand how it would be taken as cheating, but what makes my opinion differ is the fact that I'm not technically engaging myself in a sexual situation with another woman.

So I personaly know yes it is hurtful to women as well as some men by the way, because yes we all know some women watch porn as well. but thats why I personaly don't find it cheating.

I would just like to say this so you can here it coming from the oposite sex, because I feel some women think we have no emotions.

I was wondering how old are you all? I mean you don't have to tell me but I'm just going to say I'm only 17 so if anyone takes any shocking offence to what I've said I'm sorry.

[Guest]

i hear you - and you're right. it's not cheating.

but it's a little bit like the kid who gets caught with his hand in the cookie jar. his mom says, "no cookies before dinner because it will spoil your appetite!"

so the kid waits for his mom to turn her back & gets potato chips out of the jar next to the cookies. when his mom gets mad he says, "but you said no cookies - i didn't get cookies."

but the point is the same. just like with porn & cheating. the impact on many women is the same.

you seem to have impressive maturity about this issue - wish i had at 17.

i'm 34 by the way.

[ejreams]

i hear you - and you're right. it's not cheating.

but it's a little bit like the kid who gets caught with his hand in the cookie jar. his mom says, "no cookies before dinner because it will spoil your appetite!"

so the kid waits for his mom to turn her back & gets potato chips out of the jar next to the cookies. when his mom gets mad he says, "but you said no cookies - i didn't get cookies."

but the point is the same. just like with porn & cheating. the impact on many women is the same.

you seem to have impressive maturity about this issue - wish i had at 17.

i'm 34 by the way.

Ok yea that makes since. I agree with what your saying.
I'm to tired to even think of anything to say back to that..

I have a funny story about yesterday.
My girlfriend told me to come over yesterday I got there and she was crying because her friends were mad at her all of them. Because 3 nights ago her and I got in a fight and she left in her car and she made the choice to go to the hospital so she could talk to somone which I'm very thankful she made instead of driving off a cliff. She thought I didn't want her anymore and that everyone was leaving her. But I came to the hospital as soon as I found out where she was. we went home that night at 4:00 am. so we just crashed at my house. the next morning her mom and all of her friends were mad at her. her mom understands now but her friends feel that since she wasn't "Physicaly harmed" like an accedent its not important. As if they feel she was just bluffing.

So she got upset, and I came over and I couldn't cheer her up. but eventually I had her running around the room from me cause I was tickling her. This is where the funny part comes in, She was at the foot of the bed standing on the floor and I got ontop of the bed and tried to stand up.

... She has a ceiling fan... which I had forgot about and CRACK! right in my forhead. It was on high and it took me right off my feet haha. we thought it was hillarious until she moved my hand and I was bleeding from my head. But we went to the doctor and now its glued shut.

Thats my funny story. well partially.


and by the way, thanks for what you said about me. I don't get that much because most people think I'm a little kid. but I don't feel age has anything to do with it because there are adults today that act worse than a 2 year old and still havn't figured it out.
so thanks

[Thatguy1]

Insight from a random guy

Believe it or not, porn is just porn to alot of my friends and I. We don't look it thinking, "Man I'd love for my significant other to look like this!", its nothing like that. We look it when we're bored; plain and simple. Sometimes my buddy will send me a site and say, "DUDE, look at this!" out of sure disbelief, or just to LOL it. I guess I just jumped in here to say, and I can't speak for all men because all men are different, BUT, my group of friends, 'bout 15 guys, just look it and laugh, or send pictures to each other to say "Hey look this." Those of us who are in a relationship still look it, and at points a few of us have said "I think I look porn a little much." So it's not really an unconscience decision.
Just thought I would give a little insight to the inside of a man's mind.
How bout trading? LOL
Best of luck,
Christopher