sure you need time alone. it's what you do when you're alone that's so important.
one of the truly wondrous things about human beings is that we're able to adapt. if you wear a callus into your palm - it'll go away, given the right circumstances. you can mold your desires & appetites, if you so choose. discipline & determination to varying degrees.
you haven't asked for advice so don't take this as such - it's my reaction to what you've shared. i know that empty realization that sets in right after you get off on porn, and it's not psychological believe it or not. it's the physical deployment of all the chemicals that have washed over your brain during your porn consumption. no different from coming down off of any other high.
the thing you insatiably craved & brought so much buzz suddenly appears lifeless, silly & embarassing.
i'm simply saying that once you fill your mind with dirt & condition yourself to need a certain level of stimulus, it's no different from the callus on your hand. it goes away when you remove - or at least, diminish - the level of stimulus. then the skin returns to its intended, sensitive state. it can then respond to the stimulation that it once didn't notice, because of the callus.
our sexuality is the same. i'm not saying you should deprive yourself of sex so you only want missionary, lights off interactions. but the sex that porn displays is unrealistic. it's brutal and typically very one-sided. if that's what we grow accustomed to being stimulated by, a loving relationship will never heighten to that peak of stimulation, regardless of what positions, toys, or specific acts you do together.
the other thing about porn is that it filters out all that is exciting & shocking about sex, distills it in it's pure concentrated form, and feeds it to consumers. it separates the sexual stimulation from all of the rest of what makes sex great.
that's no different from filtering the actual alcohol out of a liquor, the capcaisin out of spicy food, etc. it removes us from the "total experience," and gets us used to, if not dependent upon, the raw agent of stimulation.
so i guess this is a call to consider that you might remove yourself from the porn & find that a whole new horizon of sexual enjoyment opens up - one that you might find even more fulfilling than masturbation, not just emotionally, but physically.
one of the truly wondrous things about human beings is that we're able to adapt. if you wear a callus into your palm - it'll go away, given the right circumstances. you can mold your desires & appetites, if you so choose. discipline & determination to varying degrees.
you haven't asked for advice so don't take this as such - it's my reaction to what you've shared. i know that empty realization that sets in right after you get off on porn, and it's not psychological believe it or not. it's the physical deployment of all the chemicals that have washed over your brain during your porn consumption. no different from coming down off of any other high.
the thing you insatiably craved & brought so much buzz suddenly appears lifeless, silly & embarassing.
i'm simply saying that once you fill your mind with dirt & condition yourself to need a certain level of stimulus, it's no different from the callus on your hand. it goes away when you remove - or at least, diminish - the level of stimulus. then the skin returns to its intended, sensitive state. it can then respond to the stimulation that it once didn't notice, because of the callus.
our sexuality is the same. i'm not saying you should deprive yourself of sex so you only want missionary, lights off interactions. but the sex that porn displays is unrealistic. it's brutal and typically very one-sided. if that's what we grow accustomed to being stimulated by, a loving relationship will never heighten to that peak of stimulation, regardless of what positions, toys, or specific acts you do together.
the other thing about porn is that it filters out all that is exciting & shocking about sex, distills it in it's pure concentrated form, and feeds it to consumers. it separates the sexual stimulation from all of the rest of what makes sex great.
that's no different from filtering the actual alcohol out of a liquor, the capcaisin out of spicy food, etc. it removes us from the "total experience," and gets us used to, if not dependent upon, the raw agent of stimulation.
so i guess this is a call to consider that you might remove yourself from the porn & find that a whole new horizon of sexual enjoyment opens up - one that you might find even more fulfilling than masturbation, not just emotionally, but physically.
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