[faybee]

I'm in the same boat, want more but ain't gettin it. My husband is semi-disable, takes a ton of meds which diminish his libido... and at 49 my hormones are raging! I finally bought some "toys" to satisfy myself which don't really satisfy me, I want a partner, but it's better than nothing.

[dlanier248]

From a man's prospective... I am very sorry for anyone whom goes through this, male or female. I am in the same boat with my wife. 9 times in 24months and I am an *** if I ask for more or try to talk to her about it. She has openly told me it is all on her and she is "working on it". After dealing with this for over 5 yrs, I have just about had enough. She says she has thinning of the walls and that is the "only" problem. I was direct but nicely told her she has 2 hands and a mouth that use to work wonderfully, I asked her why she can't use them. Of course she does not have a good answer " I am working on it"

[Frustr8ed]

I will throw in my 2 cents just to provide another prospective. I came here looking for answers a while back because my wife and I were coming up on 1 year without sex and I was looking at how to fix it. I've become the model husband and father thinking I must be the problem and that would help which just ended up with me doing all the housework and childcare. We are coming up on 4 years without sex and i'm still here looking for an answer. The resentment has built up so much that I believe it's beyond repair at this point. Unfortunately, my son needs a father in his life so I'm stuck here until he's old enough to handle my leaving. As the OP said earlier, masturbation just doesn't fill the void. The touch and feel of the opposite sex along with the intimacy can't be filled any other way so we just deal with the frustration.

[dlanier248]

I am so sorry. I will day you are a better man than me. I just do not think I could do that.

[Needahand]

I am a married guy in much the same boat as everyone else, but I am clearly a much bigger pain in the **** to boot! In my case my wife actually gives me action fairly regularly (as a result of endless discussions about our mismatched libidos), but I remain out of my mind due to lack of intimacy or any real variety. My only surprise in reading the initial post is that women (unfortunately) seem to sometimes be the sexually frustrated ones too. I figured it was mainly an 'oversexed' male issue.

I don't mean to change the subject or hijack the post if that's what it is called. But have any of you considered playing outside of marriage? I frankly don't know if I would ever have the guts, even though at this point I can't say I have any moral objection to it. For those of us who don't want to break up otherwise (truly) wonderful families, maybe it isn't such a bad option.

Sometimes the best compromise still leaves one party wanting, so they are forced to either suffer in silence or continue hounding their partner, which isn't exactly a relationship strenghtener. After years of trying, hoping, waiting, cringing, is a discreet encounter (a responsible one that is) so wrong?

P.s. - am thinking of changing my handle from Needahand to Needmoreballs!?!?

[DreamP346]

I am a married guy in much the same boat as everyone else, but I am clearly a much bigger pain in the **** to boot! In my case my wife actually gives me action fairly regularly (as a result of endless discussions about our mismatched libidos), but I remain out of my mind due to lack of intimacy or any real variety. My only surprise in reading the initial post is that women (unfortunately) seem to sometimes be the sexually frustrated ones too. I figured it was mainly an 'oversexed' male issue.

I don't mean to change the subject or hijack the post if that's what it is called. But have any of you considered playing outside of marriage? I frankly don't know if I would ever have the guts, even though at this point I can't say I have any moral objection to it. For those of us who don't want to break up otherwise (truly) wonderful families, maybe it isn't such a bad option.

Sometimes the best compromise still leaves one party wanting, so they are forced to either suffer in silence or continue hounding their partner, which isn't exactly a relationship strenghtener. After years of trying, hoping, waiting, cringing, is a discreet encounter (a responsible one that is) so wrong?

P.s. - am thinking of changing my handle from Needahand to Needmoreballs!?!?

I actually have very liberal veiws on sex. Open marriage, polyamory, swinging, threesomes - I would be all up for it. But my husband doesn't feel the same. That is one area I will never ask him to compromise on. And I would NEVER cheat on my husband. The issue is children. I would NEVER EVER do anything to compromise my marriage because my first most important purpose is to provide a happy and stable home to my children while they are growing up. That is a responsibility I knew I would accept before I even had kids. Once they are all grown, maybe I will look at things differently. But at this time, I would never put my sexual needs over their happiness.

Sex, like many aspects of like, it a compromise and a part of the relationship that has to be negotiated. It just happens that one partner always compromises more. That's just the way life is. Relationships are difficult, that is why it takes so much effort. Looking for sex on the sly is not a solution. I'm not saying I don't understand why somebody would do it and I don't think I would even blame them if they were in a zero sex situation. I do think asking to be able to see other people if you are in a libido imbalanced relationship is completely fine.

[Needahand]

Very good insight sp346...and, to me, you couldn't be more correct about putting the kids first, front row and centre.

[Stillness]

My only surprise in reading the initial post is that women (unfortunately) seem to sometimes be the sexually frustrated ones too. I figured it was mainly an 'oversexed' male issue.

Dude, stick around, do some searches, and keep reading. This site will blow your mind. Our culture tells us we're the ones with the high drives. My old man even told me in my young adulthood, "Son, one woman can't satisfy a man." What I've learned is that libido and one's view of sex are variable and not as dependant on gender as we have been lead to believe. There are a lot of women with higher drives than their men. There are some accounts on this site where the husband is hounding the wife for years and she can't be bothered, then she hits her late 30's, 40's, 50's, menopause or some of the other changes women go through and becomes a sex-maniac. In a few years your wife could be the one 'needing a hand.' Imagine that. It has been a game-changer for me.

[Frustr8ed]

I have a similar stance as sp346. Although I have other reasons that I wouldn't do something on the side, my son is my first priority and I am willing to sacrifice my sanity for his happiness and peace of mind.

[dlanier248]

well yesterday was our 7ry Anv. I offered to take her anywhere for the whole weekend, she didn't want to do anything but go out to eat. Saturday she got sick at her stomach so no sex Saturday. Yesterday she woke up with her Hips having muscle spams. Took meds, went out to eat. About 3-4pm we had a conversation about how happy we both are with our relationship. She openly admitted she knows that she is letting me down when it comes to sex and she would try to go out of her way to do anything to help me. If was a happy, calm, laughing out loud, joking type of conversation. I applogized for things that were my fault over the years, told I loved her and wished I could go back from the time we met. I love her more today than I ever thought I could love again. I have been heartbroken before and was very protective when we first met. Last thing I said was "even a blow job or handjob if we can't have normal sex would be very grateful for me." She hugged me laughing told me "you blew that one, last time I did that you told me my teeth hurt". My response was "bleeding should have been proof enough you were raking your teeth on me".

Said she would see what she could do later for me. we went to bed, she "changed" shorts and sat without anything on her bottom, so I crawled across the bed and started kissing her thighs. I got a firm push of the head to get away, I sat back and looked at her. " I didn't say I would try tonight" Kissed me on my forhead and pulled her bottomed up and pulled covers over her body. "good night"...

I rolled-over and laid there 2 hours trying to figure out what I misunderstood and what to do next. Hurts..... sometimes women just do NOT understand the need of touching and having sex....