[maleview]

I also agree, however, in that situation the woman has no right to complain or feel bad if he takes things into his own hands.

[Little]

A person always has the RIGHT to complain. Taking that away is borderline abusive.

[maleview]

A person always has the RIGHT to complain. Taking that away is borderline abusive.

Let me revise that. they should not complain. Of course they have a right too, but if someone is denying sex to their partner who wants it from them, they should not resent them for taking matters into their own hands.

[Guest]

Got to take issue with what BD says, "if men could use more self control" - Have you tried having male genitals between your legs? Can you exercise self control over your monthly periods??? How do you know what it's like (as a male) to desperately need sex (with your partner) but for her to continually "not be in the mood" What if you ladies wanted a cuddle and your man said, "sorry not in the mood" - how would you feel ?? Sorry this won't wash. Bottom line is that both partners should expect a loving (including sex) relationship. If one or either partner "can't be bothered" time after time then they are breaking the rules of the relationship. If people don't want sex with their partners why not find some nice platonic friendships instead?

[ItsASecret]

Can you exercise self control over your monthly periods???

A period should not be compared to a male wanting to have his wife relieve him. A period is a set in stone biological process, someone choosing not to have sex for whatever reason is a choice. Apples and oranges.

Have you tried having male genitals between your legs?

The problem in this is that there are males whose wives do say no and they say "okay" and go off to do something else in the house, not necessarily right off to the computer screen to do himself. There are men who do respect that their wife is very tired that day and exercise self control because he sees she is just not in the mood today. Ask them how they do it, they manage to just fine but no one knows the answer but them.

Bottom line is that both partners should expect a loving (including sex) relationship. If one or either partner "can't be bothered" time after time then they are breaking the rules of the relationship. If people don't want sex with their partners why not find some nice platonic friendships instead?

If sex is set in stone as a "requirement" by one partner and the other simply refuses to ever engage in sex/sexual activities then maybe that partner should leave the relationship altogether if it is of absolute utmost importance and find another able bodied other to fill that requirement with. I mean if one is upset then the relationship is not working in someway. Making someone have sex is not what a person wants, they want that other person to do it because they want to not because they have a duty to 'behave' like they should. If that initial desire is not there because say the woman had a tough meeting at work and got yelled at then had to come home and cook supper, clean, and take care of the kids she does not have that initial desire to have sex and making her do it because she "has to" will only make it another chore in her day and as a result the guy will not be receiving something from his wife that she wants to do. If a relationship just is not working on the demands front by one partner then a discussion should occur in which feelings and possible ultimatums or compromises are brought up.

[Guest]

Yes, but there are a lot of men out there that do help out with all the chores, look after the children and still do not get/have regular sex with their partner. There are lots of reasons why she can't/won't have sex. I know, I lived in a relationship like this for years ! You know I can understand women objecting to being coerced into having sex two/three times a week if they don't feel like it. But I'm talking about longer periods than that. To simply say " I don't want sex, so my man isn't having it either", even of he's done everything around the house and it's been weeks since he has, is not good enough. Taking five minutes to lovingly relieve him is not asking too much! Like I said, our genitals dictate the way we feel about sex and how frequent we want it. For any woman to dismiss this urge is quite frankly patronising. I would never dare say to a woman "stop habing your periods because I'm fed up with your mood swings" We are all affected by our boides and their needs.

[Guest]

Would you rather we went off and had sex with someone else? Or do we wait until the day we have done everything just right, the sun is out, there's a nice breeze, she's had a good day at work, and Mars is in line with Jupiter! Oh, and then she won't tell us she wants sex, we'll have to guess by not so subtle hints! Like I said, if she wanted a cuddle, but you had had a bad day at work, and said, "no love, I'm not in the mood" how would she feel? think about it !

[Guest]

Just to add, so that people understand what I'm saying. I'm referring to a situation where the man is denied sex for weeks/months on end. The woman has a bad time at work, is tired, is going through hormonal changes etc etc. I'm saying that for whatever reason it is that she cannot/will not have sex (over these weeks/months) she should still be making sure that her man is having a loving release. This I believe is not too much to ask. But I bet you the majority of women who go off sex for these long periods just do nothing about giving even a hand job to their men, unless they are asked. This to me is unreasonable and this is what I mean about a person (man or woman) not caring about the other's sexual needs when they don't want sex themselves. I have found that a lot of women are very complacent about this. Then they wonder why their man goes off and has sex with a woman that does want sex with them. A good man will stick with his partner for quite a while, but eventually he will get fed up and look elsewhere if he believes she doesn't care about his sexual needs.

[jns]

But I bet you the majority of women who go off sex for these long periods just do nothing about giving even a hand job to their men, unless they are asked. This to me is unreasonable and this is what I mean about a person (man or woman) not caring about the other's sexual needs when they don't want sex themselves. I have found that a lot of women are very complacent about this. Then they wonder why their man goes off and has sex with a woman that does want sex with them. A good man will stick with his partner for quite a while, but eventually he will get fed up and look elsewhere if he believes she doesn't care about his sexual needs.

This is an argument for an open marriage with limitations or even multiple marriage as opposed to what feels like being a prisoner in a marriage even if the prison guard is still loved dearly.

[teenie]

Perhaps you should listen to this Christian Comedian. Now i can't recall his name, but he explains men and women are different.
You have your fair share of reasons why you resent that, and while i myself haven't been cheated on, i've had incidents happen, and a religious upbringing so i think i partially get your point.

This is something you already find. Sex is a powerful tool. Why? Because can't you see how IMPORTANT it is to men?
Yes, it can be ground down to the reason of what men were made for. The spread their seed. Everything in them is trying to get them to cheat. Monagomy is UN-NATURAL, for the most part. Now, this isn't to say that it's immpossible. It's just difficult. BUT some are more weak than others. I'm not justifying. I'm just letting you see. To men, sex is VERY important. About 20 times more than it is to you. Imagine the tables turned.

You want loving, he wants sex. You know why? I think God was a mastermind. (this is from me, an agnostic)

You see, for a woman to let a man have sex with him, he has to make her happy. So he now has a good motivation to do so.


This is what i think you should do. #1, girl power to you, stop being his slave. You have to take turns. One week, go somewhere, if it has to be macdonalds instead of somewhere nice, so be it, but then the next week, spend that same budgetted amount on "pretty things" for you to wear for him. It's only fair you guys rotate on what you want. It's not fair for it to be all his side.

I also think that you should go on a date, to respark that spark. And talk. Talk alot! Talk about how much he cares for you. Because he does, if he hadn't, he'd already moved off.

Porn isn't cheating. Men are visual. They want to see NEW, (hence why they cheat). It's wired into them to get as many of their seed out as they can! (and the cheaters would be more populated than the monagomous, since their seed obviously spread further, in an evolutionary stand point).

So now, when he looks at porn and has alone time, just try to see that he has needs, and he is taking care of it himself, instead of looking outside a marriage. I don't think porn is GOOD, but i do think it isn't as bad as people make it out to be. Alternatively, give him something so he wont need to look at porn. Keep yourself confident. Men want passion, and it's nice to spice things up. So role play, or dress up, or try new things, for you...not just for him. Don't be afraid. Even, jump back to basics. Tell him, "tonight there will be no sex, agree to this, and you'll get some tomorrow". Then make out like teenagers for a few hours. It's nice just to make out. Then maybe you'll feel you love him. Be light, have fun with it, joke, flirt. These are fun things, and you have to keep them up! A relationship is tough work, you HAVE to work at it.

Now if you're not in the mood, DO NOT bow down and go starfish. Don't. You deserve more respect than that. BUT, DO tell him you love him. Men feel loved by having sex. It can be just an animal act, but if they married you, you giving them such a beautiful gift makes them feel manly, and also loved. So loved!!! They really need the touch and passion and love. It really is a hugggge thing to give him, and sure, like children they may take it for granted. But do realise saying no is like saying you don't love him, so when you say no....Just keep saying you love him and if you are feeling up to relieveing him in another creative way, go for it, try to relieve him at least. (imo, sex is the easiest way so usually i'll comply :P)

So, he needs to know to give a little, so that YOU will be more inspired to give. Then the circle will flow smoothly. If the tables were turned, and he WASN'T insterested in making love with you how would you feel? Rejected? Ugly? Unloved?

Yeh, well, when you say no, he feels those things too. It's hard to imagine, but men exist with lower drives than women. ( i dated a few and boy did i feel so so so ugly, unloved, rejected and pathetic!!!) I do not envy any human, male, female, or intersex, who is rejected from sex. It is truely the most hurtful feeling to be rejected by the one you love whom you want to share a loving moment with.

So this i say to you. Please work things out, allow him to find your inspiration so that both of you can be happy?

If he didn't love you, he wouldn't be chasing you for sex, it's really a sign of love, not a man being a pig. If he were being a pig he would be going elsewhere as i said. He wants you. Only you. Don't you feel special? And beautiful?