[Avatar Nirvana]

It's something that I don't understand. Do they not want to hurt their man's feelings? What is it? I don't know if I could imagine myself faking an orgasm. Do men even know?

[Stillness]

Because they think we care. Sorry.

A friend once told me when things are going too long and she's not going to orgasm she'd fake it it stop sex. I guess as opposed to being confrontational and letting him down. This was a while ago and I don't remember all the details of the conversation. An old girlfriend surprised me and told me that I could fake an orgasm easier than she could. I'd never considered men faking up until that point. But, yes, a man in tune with his woman can definitely tell if he's observant. I guess that if she's a really good actor she could fool him, though.

I agree with your sentiment. I don't really understand it. It seems unnecessary in a healthy relationship.

[Brandywine]

A friend once told me when things are going too long and she's not going to orgasm she'd fake it it stop sex. I guess as opposed to being confrontational and letting him down.

I have done this. Somtimes getting my man to orgasm even without me is super pleasing. Sometimes I know I am just not gonna get to that point. My man really wants to please me and many times I am very pleased even without an orgasm. It's complicated. But yeah, I don't want him to feel inadequate. A lot of times I tell him I didn't orgasm but it was still really great. I can tell he's a bit disappointed.

Maybe because guys put a lot of focus on getting the woman to orgasm, instead of the overall pleasure sex can bring, and this puts pressure on women in turn? IDK

[Stillness]

many times I am very pleased even without an orgasm

Wouldn't it be better to just tell him this instead of faking? You're not afraid he'll suspect it? We can feel the contractions. Wouldn't you have to flat out lie if he says, "Did you cum?"

I don't really understand not needing to climax, but I'm cool with it. I know most women don't get it every single time. It's not the end of the world. I wouldn't be cool if my woman felt the need to fake and lie, though. Talking about feeling inadequate...my little ego would just be destroyed. A lot of trust would be lost too.

[ItsASecret]

I rarely orgasm and my bf knows this and I have told him that even though I do not orgasm I would never fake one with him. He knows I do not orgasm often so if I suddenly started faking he would know that it was fake. Even without the orgasm from sex it is still pleasurable though and I do tell him that an orgasm is not a requirement for me and that is true, I just do not put emphasis on it happening to equate having a pleasurable time.

[Brandywine]

When he asks and I haven't, I do tell him. And I don't fake it every single time. It's actually a rare occurance. I was simply relating to the statement your friend made to help explain it. As I said, "A lot of times I tell him I didn't orgasm but it was still really great."

[Brandywine]

I have also admitted to my partner that I have faked orgasms previously. Seeing me in ultimate pleasure is what gets him off. If im not going to get off, I care enough about his pleasure to want him to still get off. If that means a little acting is involved, then so be it. I wouldn't boldface lie to him. I explained my reasoning to him for doing it and he was thrilled that I actually cared that much about his pleasure.Many people roleplay and exaggerate during sex, and say and do things for their partner's pleasure. It's a give and take thing IMO. Yeah, it'd be nice to orgasm each and every time. But, it just doesn't happen for me and I don't consider it a "need". If one of us can still get off then I'm thrilled.

[Stillness]

If that means a little acting is involved, then so be it. I wouldn't boldface lie to him. I explained my reasoning to him for doing it and he was thrilled that I actually cared that much about his pleasure.Many people roleplay and exaggerate during sex, and say and do things for their partner's pleasure. It's a give and take thing IMO.

Good points. If you're not doing stuff for your partner's pleasure, then you're not doing it right. I was thinking about this when I was responding to your first post - the fact that I may do or say things dramatically to excite my wife. I never really related that to faking orgasms before now. I still wouldn't want my wife faking it, but this has opened my eyes a bit. I didn't expect to learn on this thread. This is why I love talking to people with different perspectives. Gotta love these boards...

[Little]

I've done it in casual sex situations - if the guy is putting too much of a premium on an orgasm that was not going to happen, so much that it's impeding his orgasm or making the sex less enjoyable in general. A sort of "this is enjoyable anyways, so let's get on with this silly idea that I have just GOT to have an orgasm." As usual, this is a reflection on past actions and nothing I do currently ... in the situations where I would fake it, the relationship was not sturdy enough for total honesty
I don't fake with my husband, as Stillness mentioned, he'd know. And at our level of connection, it would be really insulting to lie to him in that way ... we're comfortable enough with each other to communicate during sex.

[Ashlee T.]

There are alot of underlying things to think about. Women have not always been sexually empowered. At one time, and still in many areas of the world, sex is a duty to a husband with little regard for whether or not it is satisfying. And even here in the US for many many years of our history, this was also the case. Women were (and some still are) raised with the idea that much like housework and child-raising, sex was their duty. At the same time, men want to feel like they are doing good for their partner during sex, so women learn to fake orgasms so they could fulfill their physical duty of sex to their man plus give him the ego stroke he needed to be happy.

In addition, from a medical stance, womens medical issues have (and still continue to in smaller areas such as my own) taken a back burner. Women have sexual dysfunction just like men have ED sometimes. The difference is that we are often told our problem is in our heads, mental, and there's nothing that can be done. At the same time we are told nothing can be done to help our sexual dysfunction, we often bear the sole burden of birth control and with that comes a WHOLE new sit of burdens and tortures to bear. We are stretched, and poked and prodded and cut and sliced. But we are still expected to remain sexual creatures for our mate. Because then we are told that if we're not satisfying him at home, someone else will, right?

So...faking orgasms is most often, in my opinion, a result of a TREMENDOUS amount of pressure. I don't agree that faking it is the best choice......but I can totally understand why some women do.