[Joe77]

This place is kinda dead today.

[Yamimi]

I didn't even know this thread existed before I posted mine. However, I just don't see how using a chastity belt will help. He has to consent to using it first.

Also, I once read about trying to schedule sex should help, but there's no guarantee in that either.

[scarpbooker45]

About eight months ago I was at my friend’s house and she told me that her husband wears a chastity device. She said that they bought it at a sex shop in New York when they went there a year ago. They bought it as a sex toy to play with but she ended up liking it so much that she pretty much makes him wear it all the time now.

At first I didn’t believe her but she said that she was serious. Her husband always helps around the house and with the kids, and whenever we would go out he always opens doors for her and holds her hand. They act like they just started dating rather than a couple that has been married for several years. In fact, I had always told her that I wished my husband acted the way hers did. I had no idea that THAT was why he acted the way he did. When she was telling me about it I was laughing so hard that I almost spilled my wine.

[Ashlee T.]

A few things come to mind.... if masturbation is only one of the issues affecting your sex life, it doesn't need to be the only one you focus on. If a chastity device is something you both agree on to try to enhance your sex life in a kinky sort of way....that's fine. But if it is to "control" his masturbation, I see it as a problem. Firstly, why can't he control his own masturbation? If it is causing a problem in your sex life, and you are unhappy with it, he should be fine with compromising a change. Second, you desiring to assert some sort of control over the masturbation seems a bit unhealthy. And I'm not judging you...trust me...I've been in your shoes. If you're like me, then I'm sure you can tell when you engage in sex with him, whether or not he's been taking care of himself frequently based on his level of excitement, endurance, and "load". Why not try initiating a knock his/your socks off sexscapade...and then afterwards, very seductively tell him you can't wait for the next time and you want him to see if he can save it ALL for you. See what he says.

A-dub - if you see masturbation and porn as a direct replacement of sex with a real woman.....more power to you......but it is most definitely not. And MOST women who are married or in a serious relationship with a man aren't going to LOVE the idea of him sitting around lusting after various other women he finds on the net just because it's easier and he can have whomever he wants on whatever day. As I've told you before...my last boyfriend ruined a relationship with a vibrant sexy (if I do say so myself...lol) and very sexual young woman because of it. This poster is not saying masturbation is bad........she is saying that the frequency of it is negatively influencing the sex life she has with her husband. As you can see from many posters here, LOTS of men and women aren't getting the sex they desire in their marriage. This woman is at least trying to do something to fix it. Gotta give her props for that. Masturbation can be a very healthy thing......... but there is a fine line between healthy masturbation and excessive masturbation that leads to all sorts of other problems both mentally and physically.

[johnsachs75]

Firstly, why can't he control his own masturbation? If it is causing a problem in your sex life, and you are unhappy with it, he should be fine with compromising a change.

I respect this opinion but I think it oversimplifies the issue of men and masturbation. It seems like a lot of women think that a man should just be able to stop without any difficulty, and if he can’t, then he is an addict that needs counseling. This is a lot like saying that someone who has a weight problem should just stop eating so much, and if they don’t have enough self control to do that, then they are an addict who needs counseling.

In some cases, a person can stop overeating or masturbating without any trouble. In other cases there are serious addiction issues that need to be addressed through counseling. But a lot of cases probably fall somewhere in between. In many cases it is a problem that the person can overcome, but he or she may need some help. For someone who has a weight problem, that may mean joining Weight Watchers or keeping a food journal. For a man who masturbates too much, that may mean making some minor lifestyle changes, or (as the OP asked about) wearing a chastity devise.

I do not have any experiences with chastity devices so I cannot give an opinion on whether they work or are a good idea. But I do not think that it is fair to say that if a woman wants her husband or boyfriend to stop masturbating, that should be enough to make him just stop cold turkey, and if he can't, then he has an addiction.

[Ashlee T.]

John - you'd be correct in your assessment of the situation, IF that is what I said. But it is not. I did not state that a man should cease masturbation altogether JUST because his spouse wants him to. I also did not accuse him of being an addict. I said, IF it is causing a problem in their sex life, and IF his wife is unhappy about it, then he should consider COMPROMISING a change. I also made no mention of counseling. Sooooooooo.....while I respect your opinion, I don't think really any of what you wrote has anything to do with what I said.

And for what it's worth.... I do believe if someone chronically overeats and is overweight as a result, wants to change, but cannot exert the self control necessary to make that change, then yes....they need some help whether that be in the form of counseling (depending upon the circumstance) or a weight loss program (though most people who truly have no self control won't stick to a weight loss program).

And again...for what it's worth.... I haven't sensed anywhere in the OP's post that her husband is a compulsive masturbater. I think she made it pretty clear that she doesn't classify him as someone addicted to masturbating.

[johnsachs75]

BD - I know that a lot of what was in my post addressed issues that you had not brought up in your post. You did not say anything about addiction or counseling, or that a man should stop masturbating simply because his wife wants him too. I did not mean for my entire post to be a response to yours - I just wanted to use a quote from your post as a lead in to my thoughts. My point was really based on the fact that in a lot of similar threads, when the issue of men and masturbation comes up, a lot of women seem to not be able to understand that it can be a struggle, or if it is a struggle, then it is quickly assumed that there is an addiction issue.

I can see how it looked like my post was meant to be a response to yours but it wasn't - I apologize. It was just that part of your post that made me think about the issue. I should have been more clear.

[Stillness]

Welcome johnsachs75,

For a man who masturbates too much, that may mean making some minor lifestyle changes, or (as the OP asked about) wearing a chastity devise.

Yes, and a woman who talks too much should wear a muzzle. After all, why should an adult be expected to have the freedom to control themselves. Of course, that's ridiculous, right? Medieval even. Seriously, these devices weren't even used the way you're discussing when they were actually used. They were maybe used with slaves, servants, and adolescents - people lacking freedom. I've heard them being potential rape shields as well, but I've never heard of a free person having this kind of device placed on them to stop bad behavior. I'm not trying to be harsh, but in the 21st century I find it amazing that this is considered a viable option.

[TJPatriot]

Masturbation only becomes a problem if she wants to but he is unwilling or unable to get it up because he recently masturbated. The only other way masturbation would be an issue would be a porn addiction where the guy cannot even find his SO sexy, but that's a far more serious issue. I've had sex with my girlfriend twice in a day, jacked off that night, and had sex with her two times the next day, no problems. Masturbation to me, and to a lot of other guys, is about relaxing just as much as getting off. And I'd say it becomes more about relaxing when in a sexually active relationship.

OP, I think you are in the wrong about this entire concept and you should look into the other things causing a loss of intimacy in the relationship. If all other issues get resolved and there is still a lack of intimacy, return to the masturbation issue.

[Ashlee T.]

John - gotcha. Sometimes it's hard to interpret true intent online with words. In regards to me simplifying the issue, that was also not my intent. I guess my point to the OP was if he is NOT addicted to it (which she says he's not) then he should be willing to compromise the behavior with his spouse if it is causing them issues.

I don't have an addictive personality. But I was raised with a highly addictive father and brother. I could smoke half a pack of cigs every day for 6 months and if I decide one day I should quit, I can quit cold turkey. Because for me, it wasn't an "addiction", but rather, a habit. Habits aren't easy to break, but they can be broken or modified if the desire to is there. Addiction is something totally different. I think masturbation for many men is a habit. The difference is they often don't want to modify this habit when they get into a relationship and eventually they become desensitized and it takes more and more and more to satisfy them. In the meantime, there's a woman somewhere in the shadows feeling unattractive, unwanted and like she's not enough to please her man simply because she doesn't feel like his hand does.