[Guest]

I am single, in my 40's with kids. I went on a cheating website to find sex, fun, etc. About 2 months ago, I found a married guy, we exchanged pictures, chatted online and talked on phone a few times. We planned to meet and things were getting hot and heavy online (he would tell me he was doing things while I messaged him). We got to point where we just said we knew we would just have sex when we met. Then he sent me an email one day saying that he is sorry but he is rethinking everything and he does not have enough time for me and that he is going to lay low for awhile and maybe in future we can meet up again. So I moved on to chatting with other men (that's another story!) And I also noticed this guy was still logging in to cheating site and by snooping found out he was still trying to meet other women.

Then a few weeks ago I was in a wild mood so I sent him a racy picture of me. He immediately responded and said he liked pic and had been thinking about me. So we started chatting again. Then 2 weeks ago we finally met for coffee in morning. I knew right away I liked him and could tell he liked me. So after coffee, he was messsaging me all day saying how sexy I was and that he was so turned on at work by meeting me, and that he wanted to plan a hotel visit. also said he was surprised I was so attractive because I had talked myself down. So a week and a half ago, we went to a hotel early in morning before he had to go to work. I liked it, thought it was great. he said we would have to do it again sometime and I agreed.

So he didn't call or text me at all for a week after this and I did not call or text him. So the other day I get a message from him saying "hey, how was your weekend, I was busy this week and not online, was feeling a bit strange after meeting you, not sure if it is guilt or what, but I'm okay"

WTH does that sentence mean?? I was baffled by it and didn't know how to respond. So I sent an email saying "went out of town for a few days, yes, what we are doing is wrong, but I liked it..."

Was that a way to let me down? does he like me? will email me when he wants to do it again? problem is I like this guy- there's others that want to meet me but this one....I also noticed he is not online that much now, still signs in to cheating site but not as much??

what do you think about message I sent him?

any advice please? I don't want him to leave his wife or anything, I just want sex , but why is this driving me crazy?

[ItsASecret]

Instead of potentially ruining this guy's marriage by being the other woman and having him actually cheat why not go to the bar and have a quick fling with some random guy? If you are just wanting sex and you are single then the bar is honestly the easiest place to find that for the fun you are looking for. And there is no risk of possibly being the "other woman" and tearing a marriage apart. To me, and this s just a personal opinion, he is already a dirt bag for going on a cheating website while still married unless he has an okay'd open marriage with his wife which would mean it is a totally different situation.

[Fallen1]

Both responses posted 4/10/2010

I browse through dating sites and never see anything I like, or if I do see someone I might be interested in, I am too nervous to even contact them. I also don't want any info about me on site to protect my privacy.

But I can't find any quality people in my daily life. Most of the past men have come from bars....no more of that!

All I can say is...GET OUT Now.. while you still can! The same type of thing happened to me, but I was married. When we were dating, I never thought he would ever hit me, cheat on me, etc. He had numerous girls phone numbers in his cell, dating sites, escorts, Never wanted sex. We had sex maybe once a year (if it was a good year).

He didn't have a girlfriend per se, just this !- visiting porn web sites, I even found all kinds of weird stuff around the house- fruits, veggies

It only gets worse once you get married and kids get into the picture===I mean WAY WORSE. Please listen to us older people -I am 40- you need to get away from him for your own good and your future. Even if you are alone, it is better!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I know sometimes we do things we normally would not do in our lives but what happened to you? (I'm not expecting you to answer, just for you to think about it). Based on your above past posts this seems unlike you to meet up with a married man.

I agree with IAS. This guy is not a quality guy and you deserve more than that.


****I hope I haven't come across as being harsh as it was not my intention to do so.

[Hopeless Dork]

I guess I'm not sure I understand why you're concerned whether or not this guy likes you? Are you hoping for an ongoing affair? A potential relationship? When you date married men, expect conflicting signals. Expect lies. Expect dissapearing acts. Expect appologies. Expect calls and flattery when they are in need of sex or an ego-boost of some sort. No judgement on your actions on my part, just saying that there is really no point in trying to pick a part the actions and/or motivations of a married man on a cheating website.

You're shocked that he'd lie to you about not wanting to cheat anymore.. while still being online potentially sizing up others? Meh... he's telling you up front that he has not much respect for women, nor much respect for the truth by him being married and on a dating site... so you're really in for a grey merky mess in figuring out his intentions with you.

[Guest]

maybe I am hoping for an ongoing affair- yes that's what it is. I need attention and I just happen to like this guy and be attracted to him, so I guess I want the attention from him.

And I am just here for advice on what he emailed me. I am not looking to get bashed by people. I know this is wrong but you don' t know me or my life and what I have had to deal with in it. but right now this is doing me some good, I am so much more happier, am losing weight, etc. There are more men that want to meet me, so I will go meet them and see what happens.

just wanted to know what he is thinking by his actions. replies from men are probably best

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Trixie,

Understand, that's called care, concern, that's not like you.

It's called ,what? Why, no don't do it, care, concern.

You are in effect being your ex- husband now, I feel personally the anger that is inside of you, it just came out.

Why do that to yourself?

To answer your question.

He wants to sleep with you again, but without any strings, and rare and does not want to communicate with you daily, weekly.. Testing to see if you can do that, or if you are going to be emotionally attached.

He's happy in his marriage.

Sorry sweet and please, don't do what your husband did to you.

[togetherforever]

Hiya Trixie,

I asked my husband about this because he knew a colleague at work who had an affair (more than one). It must be said Mike was quite friendly with this chap, however, when he found out the depth of the deceit he didn't have anything to do with him again.

This man played games out of necessity rather than pleasure. As he was married he was always looking over his shoulder with the fear of getting caught. On occasions he had the intention of getting involved with a woman to the point where she would become his mistress in a medium/long term relationship. However, due to the continuing fluid nature of his own marriage, promises were broken, dates not kept and lies told. Women were constantly dangling from a string and waiting for the call (or no call).

Unfortunately, this is the very nature of that type of relationship with a married man - he calls the shots, and disappointment and let down is the all too often stark reality. I can only surmise he saw your photo and realised how attractive you are, and it reminded him of what he was missing - and I bet he is missing something special because you are special Trixie.

I am not judging you in any way Trixie, however, relationships with married men are prone to this kind of emotional rollercoaster. Why not step off the ride and jump into a dodgem instead. You meet, you bang(!), and move on. If that is what you want. There is nothing wrong with sex based relationships, so don't let others tell you that it is not for you. We are all unique Trixie, and what works for one may be not for another.

Good luck Trixie.

[Darling]

Personally why are you looking at cheating sites? Do you feel so bad about yourself that the only gratification for you is to sleep with someone's pathetic cheating husband? Sorry for bring so blunt with my response but if its sex you want go to a bar. Sleeping with that man is wrong think if his wife and kids. Yea he is on that site but you are the one that hooked up with him. Your the one that his wife will never for get.

[Darling]

Sorry I didn't see your reply about not wanting to be bashed and wanting to know what he is thinking. He is probably thinking your a good time that will come to his beck and call, while his wife is home wondering what she did wrong and taking care of his kids.
Again not bashing but I just don't understand why you would want to add stress like this to your life?

[notlikethenormal]

Trixies,

You are smart, sexy and beautiful. I dont know anything about you but if someone once married you and had children with you then yes you are all those things and you will be again to someone.

You are seeking attention, that is okay. We all need attention, we all want to feel wanted and even lusted after.

I think what others are trying to say is that seeking an ongoing affair is going to do nothing but hurt you in the future.
Seems to me you've already developed some feelings for this man.