[redsox]

Ok let me start off by saying I have visited this site a number of times and for the most part find members to be non judgement and understanding. I am 32 years old and have never made love. No one knows this about me, no one! I am getting to the point where I don't even feel human, Sex is such a big part of life that i have never experienced. I am tall, fit, successful, and don't think I am any different from other guys when it come to approaching women. I never get any further than a few dates. Having sex has never been my goal when meeting someone new but the older I get the more I think about it. For the women out there... is this something that would scare you away? To be with someone my age but having to expect no experience. I guess I have planned on not telling as I could imagine there is always some awkwardness envolved in the first time with a new partner, why make it more awkward... I am on a dating site and have talked to and meet some nice women but this just now seems to mentally hold me back. Just looking for some encouraging words I guess

[Little]

There are certainly some women out there who would balk at the idea ... I have heard the sentiment "I don't want to have to teach him what to do" occasionally from other women. But take heart ... not all women are the same And there are definitely women out there who value a man with fewer past partners than others. Some women even venerate the idea of virginity, though you're probably more likely to find those women in religious circles. If you aren't religious, that can be a slight problem.

I think that if you meet a woman and connect with her on a romantic level, the sexual connection will come naturally. You just have to go with the flow. A woman who likes you, thinks you're fun, and wants to get to know you better shouldn't have a problem with your clean-slate background.

On that note, why do you think you keep striking out on dates? What do the women say when they decline the second or third date?

[jns]

There are possibly patterns of your talking that don't invite further conversation. Are you pretty much a loner or are you social with many friends? Are you awkward at talking with women? Do you tend to talk about yourself and your accomplishments? Do you converse in relatively short sentences, allowing the other person to respond and continue the conversation?

[Hugo-B]

"Sex is such a big part of life..."

"sex has never been my goal when meeting someone new..."

These are slightly inconsistent statements if you don't my me saying. Would you mind elaborating further? Also, honestly answering JNS's questions will help us offer as much non-judgmental advice and support as possible.

If you don't mind me asking a few more questions: would you mind describing your sexually related history, have you ever kissed a girl or given or received oral sex for example? Have you ever been in a relationship of any kind? Is there any particular 'sticking point' you find you reach when interacting with women in a romantic setting? Being totally honest, do you feel, or can you think of one particular reason which has stopped you from getting as far as having sex with a woman?

I was a 'late bloomer' with the girls, and for me, my biggest problem wasn't approaching, interacting or talking to women - in retrospect I actually think I inadvertently attracted quite a few women! - it was taking things from the platonic to the romantic/sexual. I had no idea how to do this, I was much too embarrassed and afraid of rejection, my attitude was completely wrong, but I had no natural aptitude and no one to help or advise me, and no where like this website to turn to.

I'm not asking out of idle curiosity, I would be (as I'm sure other members here would) more than happy to offer as much advice and support as you require, I actually helped mentor a guy (along with several others) up to losing his virginity on another website a few years back.

Stay with us.

[redsox]

Well I would say I am a loner, not crazy about it. It is usually, I feel, myself that kind of keeps things from going further. Just when younger I was a scared nervous boy and thought it was just me that felt that way, how stupid! Now I am looking for a real connection and most likely give up to soon. I am not a religous person but I dont want to be involved in just a hook up situation. I dont consider my self a social butterfly. ... I can make a long list of reasons why it hasn't happened... Lack of confidence that someone could be happy with me(not really talking sex). I think for guys so much of a guys confidence comes from experiences with women. It has appeared that way to me atleast, high school and college the guys that had steady strong relationships their confidence went trough the roof I thought. I WILL NOT try to deny it is my own actions that has got me hear. I dont think I talk about myself in abundance. I am more the type to listen then to talk(but I dont let people walk over me), I always thought that was a good thing???

[redsox]

Sex In my mind has to do with totally connecting with someone! I have kissed a few women. I have recieved a handjob I have used my fingers on the same women. She was just after physical and I wanted more.
to be continued sorry

[Hugo-B]

At 32 you are still young. At least that's what I tell myself at 32!

Listening is great, I'm always trying to be a better listener, since I've always been better at talking. Unfortunately you need to proactively talk to women to establish any kind of connection with them.

can you talk to men easily or are you generally a quieter type?

You say you don't want a hook up, so you're looking for a relationship? That's fine and normal, nothing to be ashamed of there.

If you could make a long list of reasons why sex hasn't been part of your life - despite you being tall, fit, and successful (three decent attributes BTW) - I would say self esteem issues are a big limiting factor.

I think I can fix this for you if you're interested in putting some work in.

[notlikethenormal]

Is it you not wanting to go beyond a 2nd or 3rd date or them?

[Hugo-B]

Is it you not wanting to go beyond a 2nd or 3rd date or them?

Me? If there isn't sex on the first date I won't even consider the possibility of a second or third date.

[Hugo-B]

Sex In my mind has to do with totally connecting with someone! I have kissed a few women. I have recieved a handjob I have used my fingers on the same women. She was just after physical and I wanted more.
to be continued sorry

Redsox, thanks for returning. If you could be slightly clearer it may make understanding your predicament a little easier. How old were you when these encounters took place? Who initiated what? Where you drunk? The more detail you give the more advice you'll get back - help me help you.

My interpretation is that (and I'm having to read between the lines here) you didn't let things go any further BECAUSE she only wanted sex, and that due to the disparity in experience between you and her you did this (didn't let things go further) to avoid any disappointment on her behalf and subsequent embarrassment on your behalf.

I'm afraid at your age it is unlikely - though actually not impossible - that you'll find a woman your age who has little to no experience. They obviously do exist but the odds of you meeting are quite low, although members here may be able to make suggestions - if that is what you're looking for, and I wouldn't blame you, it would definitely make things easier.

What is possible, and realistic is finding a woman with whom you are compatible, who will like you for you - as long as you are the best version of you that you can be, which doesn't mean you have to be sexually experienced - who will be more than happy to start a relationship with a man who's primary focus on life isn't sleeping with as many women as possible.

A lot of women do find men who are virgins an extremely attractive species and find initiating them into the world of sex a highly erotic undertaking. Hopefully some of the ladies here can chime in and offer some input.

Please keep posting, you're no where near as far away from having sex as you think you are, assuming there isn't anything you're not telling us.