[budwiser0]

Hi im Mike and new on here this is why i joined and my first post...please help (without taking the **** lol)
I have had sex with over 50 women
I have never had a problem making any of those orgasm, im 33 my ex is 41, and she took over an hour, and i wasn't afraid of putting in the time. She has had 3 kids, and had lost some sensitivity in her clitoris she told me, however trying toys and more foreplay worked and again no probs.

Im now with a 23 year old no kids, beautiful girl, but no orgasm, and not even from herself doing it. When i asked she hasnt played much, as never had the time before she met me, and still doesnt.
We have sex toys, lots of foreplay, a great toy called the We vibe, its ment for 2 people to use ie- its like a clamp that goes in the woman, aswell as it bends onto the outside of the woman, so stimulating g spot and clitoris at the same time,AND allowing the man to enter with it in, i really thought this would help.
Now she isn't great at telling me what she likes, im trying to encourage more communication in the form of feedback for me, but she says she likes it all lol
I do know that she likes me.....er going for it...can i say that? lol that's brought out a new side in me, as i was normally always about the women, but with my girlfriend its different. That has one plus side, as its brought a new side out of me, but also bad as you can get used to it and not work on her.
I don't want selfish sex where all i do it fix myself by cumming and not giving her an orgasm.
She has said that i should just go for it as she wont cum.

Now i know TRUST is a big issue, we have only been together for 6 months, i have tried all i cant think of from an hour foreplay to an hour of licking to toys and talking about whats going on, so all im left with is trust....she has no reason not to trust me and she has said she does and knows im not and wouldn't be up to anything to cause lack of trust.

Im out of ideas, we haven't much time together to try and work on this which is a prob as she finishes 9pm ish and i start at 6am so we get tired early, but are trying going to bed and talking for a while at 930pm so we start sex before we get tired, that way i put in more time too.

I had the thought in my head of talking to her about getting collagen injected into her g spot as this enhances the area leading to orgasms if you have probs, but i cant seriously ask that!! why should it be her that has the problem and not me??

Any ideas guys, ive never had to ask for advice before well sex advice lol

We have a healthy sex life apart from this and have sex nearly everyday, weekends when we are more relaxed and more time together, we have it up to 3 times.

ive had a few good long term relationships so im sure i know if a womans faking, and my relationships at least haven't out of the 50+ women so don't think i don't know how to do it lol most have been dancers such as my present partner, they have very strong muscles and pelvic floors too, so you can feel them cum, well if they do lol

please please help i really want to do this for my partner as well as my ego, i feel im not doing something right too???

None of her previous partners have done this either she said, so shes 23 and never had an orgasm, even by herself! she hasn't played much

thankyou for reading

Mike

[Hugo-B]

I had a 23 year old GF who couldn't orgasm. I asked her if she ever masturbated, and if she could cum alone, and if she ever climaxed with her ex's (I said i wouldn't mind if she did) she called me a "disgusting pervert" when I asked if she masturbated. That pretty much answered the question for me.

In all likeliness she needs to learn to climax alone first before she can through sex. She needs to want to experiment and want to explore her own body. I'm not suggesting you've put her under pressure, but the more pressure she feels under to cum the harder it will be for her.

A good start might be getting her a rampant rabbit and letting her spend some alone time making friends with it. Also, the girls will be able to advise further, and should be along soon to contribute.

You're in Essex? I'm in London, has she got any hot single dancer friends? :-)

[Hugo-B]

Hold on, I've just read the rest of the post...

As much as I admire your determination, the very creative idea (which I've never heard of before) of having collagen injected into her G-spot is probably pushing things a little too far. I was in touch with a girl via a different forum years ago who said she'd never had an orgasm or even masturbated until she was 25, so it is very common and not at all unusual for a girl to have not ever climaxed by the age of 23. This could be due to a number of factors, such as a low libido (perhaps caused by the pill) lack of self awareness etc.

The 23 year old I dated who couldn't cum had little interest in sex and I could tell that when we did have sex she was just doing it for me, consequently we had sex relatively few times during the period we dated (although we're still friends now). She simply didn't have the inclination to try and make herself cum so I didn't push her to.

Does this girl try and cum? Is it like she gets half way there and doesn't make it? Ever since I tried to have a prostate orgasm (and couldn't) I've realized how difficult it must be for some girls to try and learn to cum.

It sounds like she's got it in her head that she just can't, which won't help. I can see why you would like to be the man who delivers her fist orgasm but I think pumping the breaks is the key here and telling her it's not a big deal and that there is no rush for her to try and do something she may not be ready to do. This will also serve as reverse psychology since she'll feel more relaxed and under less pressure, which will make her more likely to be able to cum.

[budwiser0]

yes the collagen its way off i know that, but if it was a definate prob then i hear thats what people have anyway thats way off and id never ask of it lol

Yes she has it in her head she cant.
No she doesnt play
and yes she has 2 rabbits one new then the vibe i bought, but she has no interest in playing
yes i think i have added a little pressure, but since month2 we are now just having sex and theres no pressure, i like the new side i have of being a bit more rampant which she likes and not worrying about her, so i dont try for it as much anymore, maybe our weekends when we ahve more time together, but only once a week, and all she could pick up on is me putting in more time, so we dont talk about it anymore, so theres not too much pressure.
Maybe each month i must remark, hmmm we need to work on the big o again soon.

NEXT - how do i get her to want to experiment with herself? she is busy yes and dancing and teaching dance is hard work, ive done it as a previous career.

She is very into sex, unlike your ex, she has high drive, and always enjoys what we do have orgasm or not.
The closest she said she came to it was, when we both woke weirdly at 3am together, didnt say a word and just hands started wondering till we had sex, she liked that....maybe the spontaneity?

and yes some hot friends, but none single, there's a single one, but i wouldn't recommend lol

Hope peeps dont get wrong idea about the collagen, ive just seen it once on documentary and thought if this went for years maybe there is an actual physical prob instead of psychological block, not prob lol

Well il stop mentioning it to her now, maybe get more into her rabbits and less of the we vibe, as then its all about her which id like, havent done just that yet, woohoo new stuff.

Just need advice on how to trick her into experimenting with herself, i joke and say "so last night did you play?" "i would have being alone" but again its not often i say it , once a month ish

cheers

Mike

PS - if you want a hot dancer and are in London, i suggest getting yourself down to Pinapple studio in covent garden, or dance works at the back of Bond street, loads there

[Hugo-B]

I just typed out a long response and lost it because of my stupid internet connection...

Mike, I am an awful dancer, if I danced every time I went out I'd still be a virgin LOL. I might get myself down to one of those places and book some lessons, I was supposed to go for Salsa lessons with a girl I was seeing but we never got round to it.

OK, does your GF ever masturbate? I'm guessing not which is why those toys don't really interest her. Have you tried introducing them into your sex play? This may spark and interest which could lead her to using them alone.
I think the ball is kind of in her court now, it sounds like you pride yourself on being an attentive and capable lover, so based on what you've shared, there is little else you can do except be supportive. It's like if a man suffers from ED the woman may blame herself, whilst it's neither party's fault it is an issue the man needs to deal with whilst receiving support from his partner. Applying pressure will only make matters worse as you know.

Also, she may be relatively inexperienced, I was at 23, I'd say I was mediocre in bed at best back then (I'm nearly 33 now). I would try introducing the toys with the hope it will encourage her to use them alone. Also, communication is important, do you think she'd open up enough to you to have an honest discussion about this with you? That would be a big help.

[Lady Syrinx]

Mike & Buddha,

Here's my story, maybe it'll help.

For much our relationship my husband was focused on "making" me orgasm, making it my "job."
Earlier this year, I told him about the performance anxiety and that we needed to relax and enjoy sex for what it was rather than trying to achieve a goal. What do you know, as soon as we both relaxed I was able to have a "full body" orgasm, it was like a seizure every muscles in my body was contracting.

That hasn't happened since, but I can't remember the last time I didn't have at least one orgasm.

[Hugo-B]

Thanks, LS, I was hoping for a woman's opinion :-)

Out of idle curiosity, when you say 'full body' was that a g-spot orgasm through penetration?

[DreamP346]

Here is one woman's opinion and it is only one woman's perspective because every woman is different. I find orgasms overated. I've had some great orgasms and even recently experienced multiple. But orgasms are a purely physicial sensation. The emotional connection of being with another person is quite another thing. Now that is intense. I would rather have sex that involves a great connection than one where I get off. I'm not talking about love. Its just the experience with another person that is great. I like the skin-to-skin contact, the trying of new things, the level of vunerability/control, etc. Orgasm is pretty low on the things that make for good sex.

Don't get me wrong, orgasms are fun. Its just not the best part of sex and therefore not having one doesn't matter at all. Don't get so worked up that your partner isn't having one. That doesn't mean don't stop trying. I'm just saying enjoy and don't stress over it.

[budwiser0]

thanks guys, no my girlfriend doesnt masturbate, and all the toys are hers before i met her lol going to introduce into sex yes we use the wer vibe as it for him and her.
And think she is lacking in experience even though she has had around 5 men.
Well il just enjoy for now as you say experiment with toys in sex play and support her and leave it alone in a box and stop mentioning it, il try and get round to a chat about it but she doesnt discuss it much, as tried once, but again in a little while can help, but for now make the most and be grateful for what we have.
Thanks again guys

[Stillness]

Today on "Things that Women Say and Reasons Why Men Will Never Understand Them":

I find orgasms overated...Its just not the best part of sex and therefore not having one doesn't matter at all.

budwiser, if you search this site you will find woman after woman expressing a similar sentiment. Keep this quote in mind while you read what I say. Just shy of twenty years ago an older coworker and I were talking about pleasing women. He matter-of-factly and without apology told me, "I get mine. If she doesn't get hers that's on her." I remember pitying the poor woman that found herself in bed with this selfish bum.

Fast forward to today. I've been in a sexual relationship with my wife for 15ish years. I'm not tooting my own horn, but I play her body like an instrument. I believe that she can climax nearly every time we're intimate. She's told me that she loves what I do and I know she means it.

But, she does not climax every time, not even close. Often times she'll actually stop me or I'll stop when I know she's lost control because she's got a very specific way she likes to get there. If I cum first, I'll ask her, "Wanna cum?" Or, "We can go again in a few minutes if you'd like?" I get, "Later" or "I'm ok." Then when she does climax it's, "I was praying for that. It's been so long." Or "I really needed that."

At first, I felt bad. I cum every time. She seems to want to, but doesn't. Maybe I'm not doing something right. Maybe I could try harder to do it the way she wants. I would feel like less than a man. I'm not satisfying my woman. She seemed happy and was telling me she was, but she was also telling me in a round about way that she's experiencing some frustration at times. But I'm always ready and willing. My mind was boggled and I worried. Not anymore. Now it's:

"Wanna do it again?"
"Maybe later."
"Ok. Good night."

And I don't have a care in the world. I'm doing all I can. If she says, "I needed that." I say, "Good!" But I'm just happy that she's happy, not that she climaxed. I'd be just as cool if she didn't. Female sexuality lines up with ours for the most part, but we have to accept that it's different. Also it's an individual thing. I resolved not to project my sexuality onto hers and worry about whether or not she orgasms. I get mine every time. If she doesn't get hers that's on her.