[JonDoe]

While listening to a popular sex podcast recently the host was advising couples with intimacy issues to engage in 30 days of sex. Her hypothesis was that habits are formed and broken in 30-45 days, thus the suggested routine would break the bad habit of avoiding sex and start a good habit of having better, more frequent sex. Sounds good to me!!

During a discussion with my wife yesterday regarding our ongoing intimacy issues, she kept saying "it's going to take time". Naturally, I commented that while we made good progress during the past two months, we haven't had sex in nearly 3 weeks, which she didn't believe to be true, but I know for a fact this is true. Intentions are great, but actions speak louder than words.

So I strongly recommended the 30 day sex plan. She was like a deer in headlights. Speechless even. Sex once a week is too much for her, and her husband wants to do it everyday for the next month. My God! After a very brief discussion, she said "I'll think about it" in a guarded, almost argumentative tone, and went to take a nap. Later that evening while driving in the car, she brought it up and said "i thought about what you said, and everyday for 30 days is unreasonable. How about every other day or 2 to 3 times a week." I told her "we need to stick to the doctors orders, besides after the first few days you will really be glad WE decided to do this." She agreed to start on Saturday. Hopefully, she as sincere and isn't using the next few days to find a way to back out.

Have you ever tried anything similar to "30 Days of Sex"? If so, did it have a positive impact your relationship? Do you have an lessons learned or recommendations to share?

I'm hoping of the best, and will let you know how it goes.

[ItsASecret]

I have heard of this as a fun idea type deal but if someone is truly not so into sex this can actually be a lot of work for that individual. However if someone is honest about wanting to change their habits, and find a way such as this to modify their behavior and actually stick to it then I could see some light at the end of the tunnel for the parties involved. But that sticking to it, that drive, that honest effort must be there just like in any situation of behavior modification. Much like anything else things can be awesome at first, say a person is right into working out and a diet change, but after a week or two they realize it is a lot more effort than they thought it would be an start to dwindle that initial enthusiasm. I think this particular 30-days of sex can work for some people though.

That said the immediate road block I thought of in this is possible resentment. Say someone agrees to do this with the hope it works, a few days in things are okay but it begins to dwindle because the kids need to be taken care of or the housework was not done or there are certain bumps in the day such as a bad work day that make it so one does not want sex because they are actually tired or truly not in the mood. Such feelings do happen in people so it cannot be disregarded. Then factor in if one partner is very forceful about the "30 days are a must" and begins to say "no you have to you are supposed to, now lay back and enjoy it because we have to do this". That other partner may honestly not want to and feel forced, coerced, be guilted into it and so on. Those feelings can bring on resentment for the whole situation. Behavior is something that is very hard to change. It is one thing to have good intentions and talk about it and so on, it is an entirely different matter to actually carry out such behavior modification and stick to it.

Another issue I thought of is if someone becomes bored of it. Maybe one person thinks it means 30 days of gradual experimentation and wild nights and the other simply treats it as lay back and have sex not looking for anything new. I think there also needs to be discussion about what would be expected in those 30 days, if there is an agreement to just lay back and have sex, if there must be new things experimented with, if there is compromise allowed with say sex every 2-3 days and maybe oral on the days that they are not so into having actual sex. That way there is still sexual contact everyday but there is also compromise incase someone is honestly tired from work and does not want to have sex.

[DreamP346]

Good luck,

Just some logistical issues. Have you defined what constitutes as sex? If you mutually masturbated, does that count? Or if you went down on your partner, got her off, but nothing for you, does that count? If you came home late from a party and had sex after 12pm, which day does that count towards? Just some stuff to iron out.

[JonDoe]

Good luck,

Just some logistical issues. Have you defined what constitutes as sex? If you mutually masturbated, does that count? Or if you went down on your partner, got her off, but nothing for you, does that count? If you came home late from a party and had sex after 12pm, which day does that count towards? Just some stuff to iron out.

Yes, mutual masturbation, going down on one partner, or manual stimulation of one partner counts in my book. If you get busy after midnight before going to sleep, I guess it still counts for the previous day. However, the idea is to rekindle the romance, not simply fulfill an obligation. If one partner is routinely just getting the other partner off to fulfill the daily obligation, then there isn't much hope. Likewise if one partner becomes resentful, that isn't good either. Both partners must want to bring about real change; otherwise, I don't see how this will work.

My wife agrees that we need to work on our relationship and become a more intimate couple. She likes sex too. However, we have had these talks every few years during our marriage and the routine simply doesn't change for longer than two weeks. Similar to people not sticking to diets or exercise schedules.

Hopefully, having sex everyday for 30 days will recondition the mind to think about sex during the course of a busy, sometimes monotonous day. How can you want something that you rarely think about? Just thinking about is likely to increase the craving.

I'm sure it may be a challenge to fit into busy schedules, and definitely don't want it to become a chore for either of us.

[JonDoe]

This is absolutely wonderful! We are both thankful that we are working together on our relationship. My wife was concerned that everyday was way too much, but by the third day she was lying naked in bed waiting for me, and last night she had the best orgasm ever. She has incredible orgasms already, but last night she was amazed that it was even better than ever. Naturally, I told her "You ain't seen nothing yet!".

We are only on day 4 of 30, but thus far I would highly recommend this for couples wanting to rekindle the passion in their relationship.

[Hugo-B]

Good for you Jon

[JonDoe]

All good things come to an end

Day 4 - Crash and burn. When I offered to give her oral and just make tonight about her, I was berated for two hours. Yes, berated for two hours, when it could have been a wonderful 15 minutes of selfish pleasure. She said "Your so called Internet research and stupid plan is nothing more then thinking with your penis. You are causing me anxiety and making me F-up at work. This after an incredible night together. She wasn't too exhausted to go to a girlfriends house for 90 minutes to share a bottle of wine and then come home and watch TV for another 90 minutes and drink 3 cosmos.

Day 5 - She is too exhausted again tonight even though she came home from work at her normal time after working 6 hours, then laid down for 2 hours before going to another girlfriend's house to drink wine. After refusing counseling a few weeks ago, now she wants to seek counseling just so a professional can tell me that "my plan" is totally unrealistic. Apparently 30 days of passion to rekindle our relationship is totally unrealistic, whereas 22 years of sex no more than 1 or 2 times a month is well within reason.

This is my last post regarding this relationship. I effin quit!!!

[Stillness]

Jon, for three days you were my hero! You even inspired me to ask my wife if she wanted to have sex every day. She said no. We actually tried it a couple of years ago. There must be something special about Day 4, because we failed after Day 3 too. My wife says she can't handle the exhaustion. I think it's exhausting because she doesn't want to do it, not because of the sex itself.

I'm sorry it didn't work. Maybe the counseling will help. Hang in there. I'm rooting for you. I hate to say that I've sorta given up too. I doubt I will ever be sexually satisfied in my marriage. Part of me is hoping that crazy menopause thing where instead of losing sex drive they unexpectantly turn into nymphos will happen to my wife, but I think it's a long shot. The way things have gone I'll probably die of frustration first.

[Hugo-B]

Jon, if you lived in London we could go out to a strip club together and party hard.

[Nholland]

Dont give up! They say that all the time to people on diets or trying to quit smoking. Dont let a few slips make u throw in the towel. I think its a great idea. Its common knowledge that u must do something 28 days in a row to make it a habit and also the more sex u have the more u want, as it stimulates the brain that way. U are not being unreasonable to request 30 days of full commitment fr her in order to help ur relationship. 30 days in the long run in nothing. Have her do her own research if she doesnt believe u or post her own questions on here. Also if ahe doesnt buy that, there are other programs, i read book that assigned homework assignments to improve intimacy. U did it every day but it wasnt all sex, some was talking about feelings or just looking into eachothers eyes etc. I dont remember the name of it but go check some out at barnes n noble.