[Magnetism]

Magnetism, I just read this statistic this weekend and thought you might find it interesting. The average female vagina is 3-4 inches but can elongate twice its length during arousal. So if you can insert a finger when you are not aroused and not feel your cervix, you do not have a shallow vagina.

When I insert my finger, I don't feel my cervix. My fingers and hands are small.

So, what is it then? I can feel the head of his penis just feel so raw and big inside of me. Anyone else have that feeling? The best way to describe him that he's almost like a wide cucumber. He doesn't think he's that big, but he looks huge to me!

[DreamP346]

When I insert my finger, I don't feel my cervix. My fingers and hands are small.

So, what is it then? I can feel the head of his penis just feel so raw and big inside of me. Anyone else have that feeling? The best way to describe him that he's almost like a wide cucumber. He doesn't think he's that big, but he looks huge to me!

When you hit the cervix, its usually a painful feeling when he is moving inside of you, not all the time. So basically you only feel it when he thrusts and hits your certix. If you are not aroused properly and your vagina hasn't elongated, that can happen.

Your vagina may be contracting involuntarily due to previous injuries. Your latex allergy has conditioned you to think that penetration = pain. Therefore your body may just be tightening up in anticipation of the pain. You have been feeling this pain for years. Its not going to go away immediately after 2-3 session of condom free penetration. Give it time and take it slowly.

[Magnetism]

I know people are trying to help, but I'm fed up. I want to mutilate my genitals, but know I will regret it later. I've tried everything and am angry at the people that ruined my body for sex(ex bf in college). I'm at the point where maybe I'm just not meant to be for healthy sex and deserve to be degraded. After all, won't guys think you're a ****ty lay if you can take vaginal sex deep and fast?

[DreamP346]

I know people are trying to help, but I'm fed up. I want to mutilate my genitals, but know I will regret it later. I've tried everything and am angry at the people that ruined my body for sex(ex bf in college). I'm at the point where maybe I'm just not meant to be for healthy sex and deserve to be degraded. After all, won't guys think you're a ****ty lay if you can take vaginal sex deep and fast?

I know you want to feel "normal" but that is a relative term. Studies have found that female sexual dysfunction occurs in about 40% of women. That means 40% of women can't orgasm, don't feel desire, can't get physically aroused, have pain, have persistent arousal disorders, etc. Then there are women who don't have any sexual problems, but their partners do. Most people's sex lives (and other aspects of their lives) aren't perfect. Most work with what they have and make it work for them.

You are lucky that you can orgasm. There are women who have difficulty orgasming at all. There are women who experience so much pain, that they can't even wear jeans, let alone any type of sexual activity. There are women who want to have sex with their husband/lover, but their partner is not interested.

Life is full of challenges, you can't just throw your hands up and give up. You have so much more to offer sexually that you really shouldn't obsess about intercourse. Of course, keep trying, but that is not the end all and be all. The media (including porn) and society makes us believe that intercourse is the "normal" and best type of sex. Its not for everybody. Sometimes we have to change our views on sex. Not our sexual activity. You assume every man just wants deep and fast intercourse. That is very presumptive. Every man is different and enjoys different things.

The other thing is when somebody loves you in a healthy relationship, they are always willing to compromise. Their priority becomes giving you pleasure and if intercourse doesn't give you pleasure, they will not want to engage in it often.

[Magnetism]

So, what do you when painful sex keeps occurring? Just take it or wait until you know you're really ready?

[DreamP346]

So, what do you when painful sex keeps occurring? Just take it or wait until you know you're really ready?

There are several ways you can go.

1) Enjoy the things you do enjoy and pretty much forget about intercourse. This would be something you would have to negotiate with any future partner. Don't panic, there are tons of stuff you negotiate with a new partner. Its part of the dating process. If you decide to date women, its easier to eliminate intercourse in the relationship.

2) Enjoy the things you do enjoy but every once in a while try intercourse. Keep trying. Do the whole wait till you are super aroused, add one finder, then 2, then 3. Do the orgasm before trying penetration. Basically all the other advise people have given on this board for women who said sex was painful. You can try a penis vibrating ring so you can get clitoral stimulation during intercourse. But don't force it. If it hurts, stop. Don't try to bare the pain. That will just train your body to be fearful of intercourse.

The most important thing is to realize that not having intercourse doesn't mean you can't have a satifying sexual relationship. The biggest challenge is overcoming your own views on what a "normal" woman can do or what a complete sex life should be like.

[Magnetism]

Sp-I had talked to a certified sex therapist and they said I was sexually restraint. That made me feel like a prude. If I'm sexually restraint, then why I do get pleasure from other sexual acts? Why do I think about oral sex constantly? Why do I love to look at porn? Can anyone clarify on what sexually restraint is?

Number 2 sounds nice with inserting the fingers in first and then trying intercourse. While having an orgasm before penetration worked with my last serious boyfriend, I'm unable to have an orgasm with this particular partner. I've even brought vibrators to our sex sessions, and the vibrators won't work with him. They work when I'm home alone perfectly!

A friend said I spend too much money at the porn star buying all various sex toys that don't even work effectively.

[DreamP346]

Sp-I had talked to a certified sex therapist and they said I was sexually restraint. That made me feel like a prude. If I'm sexually restraint, then why I do get pleasure from other sexual acts? Why do I think about oral sex constantly? Why do I love to look at porn? Can anyone clarify on what sexually restraint is?

Number 2 sounds nice with inserting the fingers in first and then trying intercourse. While having an orgasm before penetration worked with my last serious boyfriend, I'm unable to have an orgasm with this particular partner. I've even brought vibrators to our sex sessions, and the vibrators won't work with him. They work when I'm home alone perfectly!

A friend said I spend too much money at the porn star buying all various sex toys that don't even work effectively.

Sexually restrainst is not a clinical terminology defined by medical/psychological symptoms. As I am not a part of that discussion, I can't be sure, but I am making some assumptions here. Sex is a lot about letting go, relaxing and just letting your partner do thing to you, or letting the feelings take over you. Based on your past history, I can see how you can have problems letting go. Like I mentioned before, you have trained yourself to be hearful of intercourse. Therefore its going to be very hard to just let go of that perception that has been ingrained into you brain.

The fact that you can't orgasm with your partner may be the same situation. You can't let go to reach orgasm because subconciously you equate intercourse with pain and degradation. Just because it wasn't the case with you last partner, that doesn't mean it won't occur with future partners. it one of the mysteries of human nature.

You are not a prude and it was wrong of your therapist to make you feel that way. Therapists are not all the same. You really have to shop around to find the one that works for you. I can tell you more about them, but I don't think its for this thread.

"too much money" is a relative term. Are you spending more than what you can afford? If you are, then yes you are spending too much. Are you not using these toys you buy and just like buying them? Then maybe you are spending too much and need to cut back. But if you are spending with your budget and then enjoying your purchases then you are perfectly fine. You have the right to spend your hard earned money the way you want on things that give you pleasure, not on what your friend things is the stuff that will give you the most joy.

[Magnetism]

hi Sp-I clarified things with her and she didn't mean that I was a prude. She just said that I'm having a difficult time RECEIVING pleasure, which is true. I even clamp up when receiving oral, but I'm more than happy to worship someone else's body. When it comes to equal sex, I can imagine a healthy respectful man would want to give back the pleasure that he receives. This is a new concept for me.


I've bought several sex toys that don't work well and low quality porn DVD's, so it is a waste of money. Frankly, those sex store workers don't always know everything.

I'm a goal-oriented person, and I push myself harder when my goals are met. With sex, I suppose trying so hard can backfire on you.

[DreamP346]

I'm a goal-oriented person, and I push myself harder when my goals are met. With sex, I suppose trying so hard can backfire on you.

It depends on the approach your therapist is taking. Each therapist works with different theories. My psychologist/sexual therapist professor was big on digging into you past history. Her technique was to resolve the things in the past that caused their behaviors. She would work on religious views, past sexual trauma, self esteem, etc. The belief is that by dealing with those, the sexual issues will be resolved.

My physician/sexual therapist professor was very much about working with what you have. In your case, she would teach you to enjoy your sexuality the way it is. Enjoy sex by just giving pleasure. Don't let the fact that you don't get pleasure from receiving pleasure bother you.

Professor 1 would not be specific goal oriented. The treatment would be a long, maybe even a life long process. Your goals would be more abstract like "have better self esteem sexually" or "conqure fear of past abuse."

Professor 2 would have more concrete goals like "enjoy intercourse" or "negotiate relationship to be more pleasure giving than receiving."

It depends on what type of person you are and what type of goal setting works best for you. Neither approach is wrong. You just have to find the therapist that works with your style.