[Magnetism]

Thanks, stillness! That last paragraph helped.

[Magnetism]

I just bumped up this thread to ask if any women can feel aroused during penetration, but then dry out after a few minutes.

I was finally able to ride my partner for a few minutes with no issues, until the "raw" feeling came back. I even used lube, but the lube wasn't helping much. It's too bad I couldn't last longer on him. That "raw" or "bursting open" feeling is something that I feel on the insides and not when he enters. Is he hitting my cervix? I would say the head of his penis is quite large.

I also tried so-called "female enhancement pills", but they made me nauseous. Arousal creams make me irritated.

I'm not sure if the kywarming jelly may cause me irritation too. People have said that helps keep you lubed up.

What do you ladies do when you start drying out during sex?

[DreamP346]

What do you ladies do when you start drying out during sex?

Add more lube. It happens. My hubby is the one who actually notices it more than I do and will stop and ask for the lube. Also, certain times of the month I get more dry (around my period). I don't have this problem when I am ovulating.

Also, not all lubes are created equally. Water based lubes dry up faster. Silicone ones last longer.

Arousal creams usually have a chemical that can cause a burning sensation. KY Intense is not one of them. May be worth trying. EROS device (need prescription) may be an option if you are not having enough vasodilation. This will help increase blood flow down there. Viagra does the same thing too so that is something you can discuss with your doctor.

[Magnetism]

Add more lube. It happens. My hubby is the one who actually notices it more than I do and will stop and ask for the lube. Also, certain times of the month I get more dry (around my period). I don't have this problem when I am ovulating.

Also, not all lubes are created equally. Water based lubes dry up faster. Silicone ones last longer.

Arousal creams usually have a chemical that can cause a burning sensation. KY Intense is not one of them. May be worth trying. EROS device (need prescription) may be an option if you are not having enough vasodilation. This will help increase blood flow down there. Viagra does the same thing too so that is something you can discuss with your doctor.

Thanks, but this affair of ours is going to end anyway. He just thinks I put too much pressure on myself and that I'm just not ready to open up to him.......especially when it's a situation with no future. He's moving soon.

If I have a mental block, I don't understand why I can easily enjoy all of the other sex acts out there.

[shoshannah]

Took me a while to catch up on everything in this thread, but now that I have, I'll try to add my thoughts in a coherent way.

First, as to the lube and latex issue: what sort of lubes have you tried? My boyfriend and I had to try several before we found what we liked and worked well for us. If you're still drying out despite the lube, you may want to try a silicone-based one, not a water-based one. It won't dry out, but the downside is that they can feel greasy and be hard to clean up. But they are very slippery and stay that way.

As for the green light: it isn't just physical. I can be all puffy and wet down there and still not be ready for intercourse. I need to have those things, but I also have to be ready psychologically/emotionally. That's the ultimate difference between making love and having a gyno exam. Just because you don't like being penetrated at the gyno (and who the heck does?) doesn't mean that penetration in the bedroom should or be unpleasant.

Sometimes, especially when we first started having intercourse, my boyfriend would get into a bit of a rush, and even though I was puffy and wet, penetration wasn't comfortable. The difference was the mental side, but it's hard to describe. Certainly having an orgasm during foreplay is one way to get me there. Another key is to relax and enjoy yourself and not worry about the size of his penis and worrying whether it will hurt.

Mentally, I always know when I'm ready. Typically we will be very far into our foreplay, I'm puffy, wet, and relaxed, and then I just get this instinct. If I had to put it into words, I guess I would say that it is an urge to be as close to my boyfriend as possible and to want to have/feel him inside me. I get a lot more emotional and any inhibitions I have disappear. It's unmistakeable. Plus he can also tell when I hit that point even if I don't say so in so many words. Sometimes I will whimper or moan, or I'll say "I want you now" or "I want you inside me" or "Give me everything" or something like that, and other times I just press my hips against him or pull his hips to me. One of the most important things is that he's learned to be a gentleman and to _always_ wait until he knows that I am ready for him to penetrate me. If he doesn't, penetration is uncomfortable or unpleasant, or, at best, "blah." But if we wait until I am ready and really wanting it, when he enters me it always feels wonderful--in fact the best part of intercourse except for orgasm and the general closeness.

If you aren't able to get to that point with your boyfriend, work more on foreplay and on having foreplay orgasms. Do anything you can to be _mentally_ relaxed and comfortable with the idea of being penetrated, and make sure he doesn't rush you--even if that means you decide some nights that it isn't happening and you decide to put off intercourse. In that case you can give him a HJ so he doesn't get frustrated from having gotten worked up, plus that will make you more comfortable with his penis. (I was scared o my boyfriend's penis at first, but by the time we first had intercourse I had already given him many HJs and BJs and other things, so by the time we first had intercourse I had gotten comfortable with the notion of having it inside me.

I hope all of this helps.

[shoshannah]

duplicate post, sorry

[Magnetism]

Hi Shoshannah,

Thanks for the reply, but just to clarify-This man isn't my boyfriend. We agreed to explore each other for our own reasons, and I'm always making sure that I don't fall in love with this man or get too attached. Our "sex" has mostly been consisting of blowjobs, 69, rimjobs and titty-****ing, which we both get intense pleasure from. While he would like to have intercourse, he doesn't see any point in me forcing myself to have sex with no pleasure. If I were to have intercourse, it would be just to "look normal" and to please him.


I have used astroglide and KY jelly. KY Jelly seemed better than astroglide during one intercourse session, but it didn't work so well the last time I used it.

[shoshannah]

Hi back, :-)

Astroglide is what we ususally use. it is a water based one. We may have tried KY one time, I can't remember. But I think it is water based too. You could try googling "silicone based lube" and see what comes up.

I wish I could advise you about your man. I have only had sex with my current boyfriend, and we didn't start until after we were very much in love, so I don't know if my experience would help you if you're trying to keep that emotional connection from developing. I do think that having sex just to please him may not be a good enough reason and may not be sufficient to get you to that place of instinctively wanting him to enter you. If you don't feel that urge, maybe it would work to have him get you very exited and then just enter you a very short way? Sometimes my boyfriend puts just the head of his penis just inside my vagina. It's comfortable and exciting without being painful and very quickly makes me want more. Or you could kneel on top so you could control the depth--this is one of the more reassuring positions for me. Then you could let him go deeper as gradually as you wanted and stop at any point you felt discomfort.

Even if you have a shallow vagina, it can probably stretch more than you think. It took me a couple of months to get used to the pressure of having my boyfriend deeply inside me, but now I find it feels very good, providing he gets there gently over time and doesn't just ram it in.

HTH!

[Magnetism]

This man doesn't get any pleasure from just sticking his head in. The most he has done Is go in halfway. He also agreed that sex will be easier once I meet the right man.

[DreamP346]

Magnetism, I just read this statistic this weekend and thought you might find it interesting. The average female vagina is 3-4 inches but can elongate twice its length during arousal. So if you can insert a finger when you are not aroused and not feel your cervix, you do not have a shallow vagina.