[Euphoric]

Never put anything out there or answer a question that you are uncomfortable with! Is any of this helping or making sense? You see, you are not the only one to experience these issues. Some people just aren't willing to admit it.

[Magnetism]

Yes, it does make sense. I think I put too much stress and obsess over it, which doesn't help. This person I'm with has told me this 100 times already. He's a man, but he knows that trying to make it work won't work. It either naturally happens or it doesn't. He explained that it's just like a man that can't control his erections or when he orgasms. I have learned that some very sexual men can also be impacted by stress or time of day..

[Magnetism]

Magnetism - Slipping out is common, even in long term relationships and certain positions more than others. Also, certain positions don't allow for complete/deep penetration, so there is nothing wrong with not being all the way in.

Who told you you have a shallow vagina? A physician? The vagina does lenghten during sexual arrousal. its not very long. Its surprising that it can accommodate anything more than 5 inches without hitting the cervix but that's the amazing thing about the vagina. There is nothing wrong with having a preference in size. I also like smaller because its less painful.

Yes, it was a female physician that said I have a short and a shallow vagina. My gut feeling is that female physicians don't always have extensive sexual knowledge.

[jns]

I hate to make someone I'm with sound like a jerk, but he did laugh when I was doing reverse cowgirl. His penis kept popping out of me, and he said "It's because you're not all the way in." I don't think he meant anything bad.

Are you doing it on your knees with your hands on his flattened legs? If so, try it squatting with your hands on his partially raised knees. You will be going straighter up and down and will change the direction his penis is going in. I think this is called reverse Asian cowgirl. Careful of going up and down too much; if he comes out and you come down hard on his erect penis it could cause damage. Cowgirl is much safer, but the visuals of reverse cowgirl are superb for a guy who enjoys booty views.

[ItsASecret]

So being wet isn't the green light? Wow, I didn't know that and I'm reasonably sure a lot of experienced men don't know that either - unless they've explicitly been told.

No it is not the green light. Relaxed muscles and generally being mentally aroused is the green light. Fewer men than there should be take the time to make sure that their woman is properly aroused both mentally and physically. The result is often pain for the woman, which only some men care about. The ones that do care and do not want to cause their partner harm will take the time to properly arouse her.

How long does it take you? 10 mins? 30? an hour? So I guess the proverbial quickie is out of the question

Can be a few minutes if I am mentally aroused or if I am not so aroused going into sex it can take awhile such as the 20 minutes or more. It is always a different situation each time.

...and what do you mean exactly by fingering?

Fingers going in me. Starting with one finger so that there is less pressure, if any at all, so that the muscles can slowly get used to the feeling of something being in there. From there moving onto two fingers. Usually once I can no longer feel the two fingers, or without any friction/pressure, I know I will be much more able to accommodate his penis. If he uses just one finger and gets impatient by jumping on top or asks me to go on top it is like his penis is hitting a wall because my muscles are not relaxed. He does not want to see me in pain so he knows there are some days he will need to spend more than a few minutes with his fingers to get my muscles all relaxed.

Does the porno style clit massage work, or do you actually have to stick a finger or two in there to help loosen those muscles?

The vigorous back and forth flat fingers on the clit move seen in porn? If my bf ever did that out of the blue I would probably kick him in the face out of sheer over stimulation lol...not the good type of stimulation either. Having fingers gently on the clit may cause increased lubrication due to a nice feeling but if he just went full out thrashing the hand back and forth trying to mimic what he sees in porn I would very likely not enjoy it and he may be accidentely hurt lol. You must remember that porn is not real, the actresses are paid to be quiet if they are experiencing discomfort or pain and pretend to like what is done to them. Just because the actress may be squirming on camera does not mean it will work on a woman in real life. For many women their clitoris is just too sensitive for such a motion. If a man just randomly starts to move all his flat fingers back and forth in a vigorous porn fashion, or to me as though he is vigorously using a piece of sandpaper on wood, thinking that "the porn girls like it so my girl will too!" it can result in the women squirming in sheer discomfort or even pain. A man must always always always remember that each woman is different. If a woman likes the fast back and forth motion on her clitoris then her man can absolutely do that for her, but if a woman does not like that motion at all then a man should not do it because she could end up in pain.

[a_dub]

Can be a few minutes if I am mentally aroused or if I am not so aroused going into sex it can take awhile such as the 20 minutes or more. It is always a different situation each time.

Thats good to know...I always assumed that the same woman would react the same every time for the most part. Gee, men have such simple organs...if a man thinks he's about to get laid he just gets hard in a few seconds - unless he's old!

Fingers going in me. Starting with one finger so that there is less pressure, if any at all, so that the muscles can slowly get used to the feeling of something being in there. From there moving onto two fingers. Usually once I can no longer feel the two fingers, or without any friction/pressure, I know I will be much more able to accommodate his penis. If he uses just one finger and gets impatient by jumping on top or asks me to go on top it is like his penis is hitting a wall because my muscles are not relaxed. He does not want to see me in pain so he knows there are some days he will need to spend more than a few minutes with his fingers to get my muscles all relaxed.

Huh, totally didn't realize that a non-virgin needs the slow and gentle approach too. If I didn't know, I would have assumed the above description was for a virgin on her first time. I guess there ain't much difference after all!

The vigorous back and forth flat fingers on the clit move seen in porn? If my bf ever did that out of the blue I would probably kick him in the face out of sheer over stimulation lol...not the good type of stimulation either. Having fingers gently on the clit may cause increased lubrication due to a nice feeling but if he just went full out thrashing the hand back and forth trying to mimic what he sees in porn I would very likely not enjoy it and he may be accidentely hurt lol. You must remember that porn is not real, the actresses are paid to be quiet if they are experiencing discomfort or pain and pretend to like what is done to them. Just because the actress may be squirming on camera does not mean it will work on a woman in real life. For many women their clitoris is just too sensitive for such a motion. If a man just randomly starts to move all his flat fingers back and forth in a vigorous porn fashion, or to me as though he is vigorously using a piece of sandpaper on wood, thinking that "the porn girls like it so my girl will too!" it can result in the women squirming in sheer discomfort or even pain. A man must always always always remember that each woman is different. If a woman likes the fast back and forth motion on her clitoris then her man can absolutely do that for her, but if a woman does not like that motion at all then a man should not do it because she could end up in pain.

LOL, the mental image of a woman kicking some poor chap in face is too funny. I wonder if its ever happened in real life...

[Little_Man_in_the_Boat]

Guys are easy. They get erections. But, for me? How do I know for sure that my body is ready for penetration? How do you all ladies know?

Oh !! You will know when your reading !!

Orgasm isn't something you'll miss because its so incredible.

Its like asking will I know if I'm having an earthquake.

I've mentioned before that having an orgasm before sex is the surefire way to know that my muscles are relaxed, but are there any other ways? Are you supposed to feel a tingly and flushed sensation all over? Is there an easy way to know that your body is ready to let a penis enter you?

I don't know from a mans perspective but from a womens ... I think you'll definatly know when you're on the "threshhold" of orgasm.

There are times where I thought I was ready for penetration, but I wasn't. I want to be able to get aroused physiologically without needing to have an orgasm, because sometimes it won't happen. Lately, I'm having a mental block with even vibrators...aarrgh.

Vibrators wont work because there not "flesh and blood" I dont think you can trick the body into thinking a vibrator is the real thing.

You know that the vibrator can't get you pregnant so there is no risk in your mind which is what (I think) turns you on.

Orgasm is about conception and the partner being a suitable mate in your mind.

Physical contact, long drawn out foreplay is the only way I know of achieving an orgasm for a women.

If you get aroused physiologically then eventually that leads to orgasm.

Keep the caressing going for hours but remember it must be affective stimulation that doesn't hurt or irritate you.

[Little_Man_in_the_Boat]

I'm reading other posts and I came across "the porno style clit massage" sigh.

Are people really that stupid ?

Women in porn movies as far as I know dont have orgasms.

I think it would be horrible in fact.

Could you imagine being surrounded by heaps of men filming you ? Nuh !!!

If guys think women in porn movies have orgasms their pretty stupid.

The only thing that I found that works is your hands and you do not touch the genitals at all.

Hand griding is for morons that have no idea of how to achieve orgasm.

Could you imagine getting an angle grinder and trying to get a women off with it ?

Its laughably funny and probably very painful. LOL

A man has to be GENTLE, caring and very patient and loving.

If you believe thrusting fingers in and out violently is some way of achieving orgasm then your a pretty sad case I would have to conclude.

The same goes for clitoral hood grinding its pathetic really.

Its no wonder women cannot get any enjoyment from sex when you read posts like some of the ones I've read.

[Magnetism]

I usually do get extreme pleasure from vibrators, so I don't agree that the mind can't get turned on by it. I'm very stressed right now with some big life changes, which is why vibrators don't work as well right now as they usually do. I also feel angry when I read guys thinking that all women are the same or that only a virgin can experience pain. I hope I don't end up with a partner like that. I wish there was some survey to let be know just how many men are aware of what it'sasecret says:

[Magnetism]

Here are some of the things that I was told by young men when I experienced pain: "your vagina is just too tight. I just need to loosen you up. Just keep taking it in, so you can get bigger.". "just take the pain. It will go away.". "we can have anal sex. I will just use the wetness from your vagina and put it in your ***.". "looks like you're still a virgin a little if you have pain!". My initial response to these people is anger, but all what I can do is laugh. I wish I didnt take the advice of young males that didn't even understand womens bodies themselves.