[amom]

It is very common for men to have fantasies of a threesome - so he isn't particularly unusual. I think it is even OK for him to tell you about his interest - but that doesn't mean you need to agree. If you aren't comfortable with the idea, you should politely decline. Please (for both of your sakes), don't go along with this if you don't want it.

On the other hand, there are women who are happy with the idea. Some things to consider though:

Safety - you shoudl probably both get aids tested to you can convince the prospective partner that you are aids-free. You should insist that the new person be tested as well. Safe sex is well and good, but mistakes happen.

Are you interested in being physical with another woman. This is a big question. If you are not comfortable with the idea, the number of things you can do in a threesome is quite limited.

Think about the other person's feelings. I had a girlfriend once who described being another couple's "plaything". Said she enjoyed it at the time, but seemed to have misgivings about it later.

So - where to find people:

Easiest is to hire a prostitute - usual safety issues apply. This is nice because there is no risk of emotional attachment. This is bad because there is no emotional attachment.

There are clubs (at least in large cities) where it is easier to find interested strangers. I've heard tell that "Cats" in san Francisco is one. (I have not engaged in this sort of activity so I can't give specific advice).

You can try to hook up with a friend. This is a very touchy subject - need to lead into it very gently (see the movie "raising arizona" for bad example). This could work well, but can get very ... complicated.

As far as restrictions on what the third person can do with you or your spouse - I wouldn't expect such restrictions to be followed exactly. If people get too worked up, unplanned things might happen.


Talk to your boyfriend - find out what sort of thing he has in mind.

As a final note - you could ask your boyfriend what he thinks of a threesome with another man. Would be interesting to hear his reply.

Just my $.02

A threesome with another man first was my thought too. Tell him to get lost if that is not to his liking - he is an idiot for broaching the subject in the first place.

Let him sow his wild oats elsewhere.

[Little]

IMO she's already said that she is okay with a threesome.
I disagree with sourpuss; I think concrete rules are an absolute MUST with any fantasy, including this.
Picking a girl is hard. So, don't pick her ... let her come to you. If your boyfriend gets impatient about this, it's only then that you should "tell him to get lost."
Threesomes are difficult, if "hot" to men. It's hard to share him, it's hard to find a girl, it's hard to figure out what you want to do, or what you want him to do, and it's hard to keep awkwardness at bay. If you have a threesome, you and your partner are responsible for each others' feelings and wants.
A girl who both of you find attractive is the best bet. I have been the third girl before, or a couple in which the girl had bisexual curiosities, and it can be disconcerting, so make sure she will not get hurt by the interaction either. And of course ... safe sex, always.
Good luck in doing what you want to do, not what anyone else tells you to do.

[amom]

I recently had issues when my boyfriend asked if I would do a threesome, reason is that I really couldnt think about who this other girl would be. But lately I have been really struggling to find out how to choose the girl. There is so many qualities I do not want and so many things I dont want her to be able to do. If anyone knows how and where I can meet someone to join us, please let me know, its not like I can pick her out in a crowd.

You seem to be making excuses.

If you do not want it don't do it.

[inlovagin]

You seem to be making excuses.

If you do not want it don't do it.

That is a statement I can agree with.

[mr.mansview]

The most unattractive woman could be an unleashed tiger. The most beautiufl woman built like a man's dream could be a pretend and highly non-sexual woman. NEVER judge a book by it's cover.....

agreed..been there, done that..

[LadyLane]

Don't do it.

First of all, you want to see another woman's mouth on your boyfriend's body parts? Thanks but no.

Secondly, sometimes really wild fantasies are better off in the imagination. Reality doesn't always match up.

I say don't do it. Talking about doing it while you're doing it with him is probably hotter than having the actual girl there.

Play with fire, maybe get burned.

[inquisitive1]

[quote=inlovagin;20253]

I am confused this statement seems to be a direct contridiction to your toomstone.

I thought that Nlove21 was looking for advice on how to pick a third. To me it would seem that she already has her mind made up. So my question would be are you trying keep her from getting on the road she has already placed in front of her or are you going to help her keep from getting in a car wreck at the end of that road?

Hello inlovagin-
There is no contradiction in my signature statement and my post. I would not trade the journey for the knowledge, I have now. I stated I would not do the journey again without knowing what I know now if not more. That is not the same thing. What purpose would it serve to repeat the same exact journey without any positive gains? I would not choose to be assaulted again. I took some life's lessons away from the experience, however if I would choose to journey again it would be with the knowledge, just not the pain of the experience. From the tone of her post it did not seem as though Nlove21 had made up her mind to me. If you can pick up a stripper in a club as a third, then how hard can it be? Nlove21 seemed hesitant, as if she was making excuses. From some of the other posts it seems I am not alone in my opinion. I offered my opinion. That is what this forum is for. If you don't agree that is your prerogative. Just agree to disagree and move on. State your own opinion. Attacking or challenging someone elses opinion is not necessary. Your post reads as a personal attack. I will not tolerate this from you or anyone else. I am a reasonable person. If there is something you want to address with me we can work it out. As for this issue, it's closed. I will not participate in bickering.

[inquisitive1]

[quote=CarolineWH;20266]

I am sorry on the confusion on this answer. Sometimes my mind is working faster than my fingers which can cause problems. When we were young and married my husband was a hunk. Very, very big good looking jock. My kind of man. I would tell him, baby, you ever do another woman and I will cut your balls off. Just that simple. Not sounding like trash but sounding like a woman that loves her man. However, the terms of a threesome did not exist. I never really knew about this until a little over two years ago when I dialed up the word "intercourse" under google. You see I was sexually dumber than a brick. We only did missionary then. Boy has this changed. I can swing from the rafters now...Never knew what a vibrator was. Never knew about sex books....I could have lived in a third world country and maybe they would have been more up on life. But I was innocent......That opened my world to everything sexual. This was trying to discover why I was ejaculating water during sex. With my discovery my mind grew and has not stopped. NEVER did I in earlier years think of anything like a threesome or whatever. I was born in the era of very few divorces and few hanky panky. It was great. I am sorry for the mix up....

As far as mumbling when I speak...This I meant in just my wording on life.. Nowadays I find that with the newer generation that so many terms are sexual that I have to think twice on everything that is said. Things that were innocent then are not now so really I try to keep a zipper on my mouth for one reason. I am not supposed to be this into sex at this age. Yet I am. Yet I will be. But so many older people are not. This is what I refer to.

As far as the poster in having a threesome. I would say no. Why? You would cheapen yourself and what you are doing and really what is the thrill? And after this has gone it's course what? More people?

I find sex is wonderful but would never want to go to another dimension in life to try and get a bigger thrill with the man I am with. If I would have to go to this place in life than I would say that there is a big problem in the relationship and it probably will not go away unless the two of you talk it out and make some changes.

Hey CarolineWH-
Thank you for the clarity, but I was already there. I got it! I was agreeing with you. As a matter of fact I have practically spoken the same words in the past. You are still making me laugh. It's good for the soul and healing as well. I thank you!

[inquisitive1]

A threesome with another man first was my thought too. Tell him to get lost if that is not to his liking - he is an idiot for broaching the subject in the first place.

Let him sow his wild oats elsewhere.

Hey amom-
It is so strange how many guys will remove or reject a threesome request when the female suggests another male as the third party. The question then becomes...who was that threesome for? For both of them, for her, or just for him? The reaction really reveals a lot about the true intent and how selfish the motive may have been.

[Fallen1]

It is so strange how many guys will remove or reject a threesome request when the female suggests another male as the third party. The question then becomes...who was that threesome for? For both of them, for her, or just for him?

Sadly I have a feeling that in most of the cases where the suggestion of a threesome is brought up it is just for the guy. But I am of the idea that if a guy suggests it to his girlfriend he should be willing to do the same (male as the third) for her if that is her wish.