[Guest]

I'm 23 years old and married to my boyfriend of who I've known since I was 16. Recently we decided we'd have anal sex. We tried it 3 times over about a period of 3 months. He loosened me up and we used lots of lube and he went very very slowly. It was a relaxed and romantic atmosphere, he was very careful and steady. However...it hurt me everytime...I know some women just aren't made for anal sex whereas other's absolutely love it! I know I'm not made for it, it hurt me so much and just the motion was horrible. The first few times it was very painful but I kept my mouth shut and wanted to pleasure him. The media's always telling us how much men want anal sex. The 3rd, my body just refused to take it again and I began screaming and couldn't stop. He carefully pulled himself out and hugged me tight and broke down crying saying he "didn't want to hurt me." Then he asked "did it hurt the other times?"
"yes"
"why didn't you tell me?"
"I wanted to please you"
"You please me when we're both recieving pleasure." He said that we never need to do it again.

However...my experience was romantic and sweet. I have a huge amount of admiration for those ladies who's weren't but I'm afraid I don't have their strength. I just remember the pain and uncomfortableness and whenever I even hear the word "anal" I freeze up. I have a mental disorder which makes me too paranoid and uptight about things than the average person. I know I'll never have to go through that again but "anal sex" is everywhere, the media, friends talking...everywhere! I don't really know who to talk too but I really want some advice for me to forget that it ever happened or at least get me over my fear. Please help me!

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Topic of the month. Anal Sex is not everywhere unless you are searching for it, then it is everywhere.

It is not for everyone, whether they find it difficult or they purely just don't like it, it's not a deal breaker as there are many other things you two can experience, this one isn't for you and from the way you wrote what he did, said after, he doesn't particularily care either...

Don't get hung up on it, it was an experiment that showed you both that it's not for you..

[Euphoric]

If you never tried it, you wouldn't know if you liked it or not. Chalk it up to an experience. You know that it's not for you and your husband doesn't have a problem with that. Knowing that he only receives pleasure from something you both are into should help relieve an lingering anxiety. There are many sexual acts that aren't for everyone. At least you tried and you both know it's not something you care to try again.

[rcoreyus]

It was good for you to try it, and if it didn't work for you, that is OK too. Please though in the future if there is something you don't like please tell him. It sounds like he loves you and wants to please you - help him do that.

[Stillness]

You mentioned that the media makes it out as if all men want anal sex. Is that perception part of the problem for you - that you think that somewhere deep down he wants that? I think there are two types of men when it comes to this kind of thing - men who want to enjoy sex with their woman and men who just want to use their woman for their own pleasure. The latter man does not care what his woman feels - he wants what he wants when he wants it. You husband is not like that. I can tell because he cried when he found out he had been hurting you.

I used to be very curious and interested in anal sex. I tried it and found out it hurt my woman too. She went along with it to please me, but had problems afterwards. It became disgusting to me after that. My wife pleases me plenty without it. Plus it's kinda nasty - and not in a good way. I have no desire for it. I doubt your husband does anymore either.

[Guest]

Thank you so much. You do understand about the perception, yes it's a problem for me. Thank you for the last paragraph as well.