[wonderingguy84]

If your wife lets go of her inhibitions more when she has alcohol, then she is open to letting go full stop. Alcohol makes a person feel comfortable and often women think wrongly so that by being a little more adventurous they are being tarty even with their husbands and they hide therefore. I gather you are therefore also saying that no she will not perform oral with you.


I am confused. You only spoke of oral. Not hot sex, now it is hot sex with a man?

Do you watch porn as well?

Yes, it is everything. Giving oral, getting anal. The main curiosity is giving oral sex, but over the past few years i started experimenting with sex toys..and loved the feeling it provided with anal penetration. I would love to feel the real thing in there, instead of a toy. Yes, i watch porn. often.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

See how you are opening up and "talking"?

Your initial post was about possibly being bi-sexual. A fascination with oral sex with a man, a desire of same.

Then, it was "hot sex" with a man.

Now you have felt comfortable to mention sex toys, anal sex and now the desire to sleep with a man.

If you as an anonymous person, can not come here, amongst women where obviously you feel safer and tell the truth the whole truth, then how can we advise you to tell your wife the truth, the whole truth?


A "gay" man can love his wife, want to be married, want children, find his sex life boring but really want hot sex only with men.

Have you considered going to a sex therapist? So that you can get the real picture of yourself before you discuss anything with your wife?

That would be my suggestion..

Craiglist is seeking, what you have already found in porn....

I imagine your wife knows nothing of the porn.

Still, again, she may be "ok" with not knowing the facts but knowing and still be "ok" with being with you as husband and wife.

My thoughts are though any woman that allows cheating or sexual relations knowingly, either blames themselves of their inadequacies, or is extremely in-secure.

I would like you to consider that sexual relations between two parties are what they are based on those two parties.

I can tell you as a woman if she lets go when drunk there is a lot more in her than you even know about, dying to come out.

With, the right partner that makes her feel comfortable.

What I have noticed is as advice/thoughts are given there has been no desire from your side to learn how to bring her out? Rather, just your desires..

Have a sleep on that one... there may be more to this than you really realise yourself.

CW

[wonderingguy84]

See how you are opening up and "talking"?

Your initial post was about possibly being bi-sexual. A fascination with oral sex with a man, a desire of same.

Then, it was "hot sex" with a man.

Now you have felt comfortable to mention sex toys, anal sex and now the desire to sleep with a man.

If you as an anonymous person, can not come here, amongst women where obviously you feel safer and tell the truth the whole truth, then how can we advise you to tell your wife the truth, the whole truth?


A "gay" man can love his wife, want to be married, want children, find his sex life boring but really want hot sex only with men.

Have you considered going to a sex therapist? So that you can get the real picture of yourself before you discuss anything with your wife?

That would be my suggestion..

Craiglist is seeking, what you have already found in porn....

I imagine your wife knows nothing of the porn.

Still, again, she may be "ok" with not knowing the facts but knowing and still be "ok" with being with you as husband and wife.

My thoughts are though any woman that allows cheating or sexual relations knowingly, either blames themselves of their inadequacies, or is extremely in-secure.

I would like you to consider that sexual relations between two parties are what they are based on those two parties.

I can tell you as a woman if she lets go when drunk there is a lot more in her than you even know about, dying to come out.

With, the right partner that makes her feel comfortable.

What I have noticed is as advice/thoughts are given there has been no desire from your side to learn how to bring her out? Rather, just your desires..

Have a sleep on that one... there may be more to this than you really realise yourself.

CW

I would love for her to come out more sexually, but when I try..she says she feels weird talking about it.

[MoeJr]

My sex life with her is very boring, and sometimes it doesnt happen to often. Especially when I have troubles performing. I can get it up, just sometimes have issues reaching orgasm during sex. I do wish we would be more kinky, etc..but part of me has admitted to myself that probably wont happen. Unless i get her drunk, then she opens up. The man in my original post is to illustrate how my urges have gone from just the penis, to fully desiring hot sex with an actual man, and not just the penis.

Have read these posts several times. Find it interesting how one sided it remains. Would be extremely curious to know how your wife actually feels. With your above post I would say if you are that bored with your sex life and having an issue performing. Where does that leave your wife? Point being, she may be more willing to solve the issue than you give her credit for. Just a thought.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

I would love for her to come out more sexually, but when I try..she says she feels weird talking about it.

Off course? She is not ascertive.

It's not talk it is about a man taking control, making a woman feel comfortable in her body, beautiful about her body, sexuality, sensuality.

And that does not mean taking control sexually she would run a mile.

It means you learning ascertiveness, sensuality, sexuality study it, read about it, learn it and learn why a woman needs to feel all of this to give, all of this to her partner including love, feeling loved.

You will be amazed. But it also has to be real.

What is it you want?

Her to be more sexual, sensual, adventureous? Or a man.

See how you need to do alot of searching before speaking with her, you can not have both.

[DreamP346]

The biggest gap I see here is lack of communication between you and your wife. She kind of already knows about your sexuality but you are having a difficult time talking to her and she doesn't seem to want to know. Your sex life is unsatisfactory, but your wife feels uncomfortable taking about it. Right now, the biggest challenge is opening up to each other and having a two way dialogue. How can you share your life with somebody if you can't communicate about the basics of a relationship like sex. I'm not saying it is easy, but it should be something that absolutely needs to be done between two people.

Your wife kind of already knows about your questioning sexuality via family and also catching you on the internet. More than likely she is either letting her imagination get the best of her and thinking that she's a terrible lover/wife, she is unattractive, you have a problem, you will eventually cheat on you, you already have cheated on her, etc. Or she is in total denial and trying not to think about it. Either situation is not a healthy one. That is why it is so important to open up to each other. Assure her that you would never cheat on her, but that doesn't mean you won't fantasize or look at other people (men or women) and find them sexually attractive. Be honest about your sex live. It will not get any better. Do you really want to live the rest of your life being sexually unhappy, especially when there is something you can try to do together about it?

Remember, you are trying to build a live together and possibly a family together. If you cannot communicate your needs to each other now, it will only get more difficult once you have kids. Think about the rest of your life. Can you really do this hidding from her for ever?

[wonderingguy84]

The biggest gap I see here is lack of communication between you and your wife. She kind of already knows about your sexuality but you are having a difficult time talking to her and she doesn't seem to want to know. Your sex life is unsatisfactory, but your wife feels uncomfortable taking about it. Right now, the biggest challenge is opening up to each other and having a two way dialogue. How can you share your life with somebody if you can't communicate about the basics of a relationship like sex. I'm not saying it is easy, but it should be something that absolutely needs to be done between two people.

Your wife kind of already knows about your questioning sexuality via family and also catching you on the internet. More than likely she is either letting her imagination get the best of her and thinking that she's a terrible lover/wife, she is unattractive, you have a problem, you will eventually cheat on you, you already have cheated on her, etc. Or she is in total denial and trying not to think about it. Either situation is not a healthy one. That is why it is so important to open up to each other. Assure her that you would never cheat on her, but that doesn't mean you won't fantasize or look at other people (men or women) and find them sexually attractive. Be honest about your sex live. It will not get any better. Do you really want to live the rest of your life being sexually unhappy, especially when there is something you can try to do together about it?

Remember, you are trying to build a live together and possibly a family together. If you cannot communicate your needs to each other now, it will only get more difficult once you have kids. Think about the rest of your life. Can you really do this hidding from her for ever?

I agree with everything you said. I guess I am just afraid to add more stress to her plate. She has a stressful job, there are alot of outside sources of stress and I guess I dont want to be another one of them. I mean, I honestly think she knows somewhat. She makes little jokes all the time..and when we were facebooking about it while i was at work, she told me that unless i want to leave her for a man, then she didnt want to discuss it, or make a big deal of it. I am also afraid that the amount of female friends and family members ive spoken with about it is going to haunt me, as it already has somewhat.