[momofthree]

The thing I am wondering here is you mentioned that the sex has diminished over the past couple of years. Has something drastic happened to her in the past 2 years, like losing a family member, friend etc? Or is it possible that she received alot of negative sex talk from one of her family members, and that stuck in her mind for years and still does? I'm asking that because I was very inhibited sexually until my dad passed away. But then a couple of years after that, my mothers' negative sexual attitudes were forefront in my mind, even after she died up until a couple of years ago I could literally "picture" her watching us from above and feeling like I was doing something evil when having sex. I just wonder if there's something in her past that's inhibiting her lack of wanting sex. I could be way off base here, but after reading your post these thoughts hit me like a ton of bricks.

[caster]

This past weekend we were cuddled up, drinking wine and talking about a little of everything, sex came up as usual, so I asked her if she ever mastrubated at all, she said no, not since she was young, once she started having sex she stopped. So other than maybe twice in 30 years when we mutually did it with each other she has only orgasmed during sex, and roughly only once every 2-3 months over the last 10 years. I'd asked her before but thought maybe she was reluctant to answer, this time she said she was being honest, it's just not something she does.
That just doesn't seem normal or like a healthy womans sex life to me. She's obviously capable of having them, she just doesn't care if she has one or not.
I'll try to get her to think about and talk about why she doesn't. Her only answer so far has been she prefers to O with me inside her. I've let her know I wouldn't feel threatened by it, that it's a replacement, heck I'd be turned on by knowing she's making herself O.

[Stillness]

caster, I had a bit of a breakthrough last week that ended up with my wife and I having as much sex in that week as we normally have in two months. We started scheduling sex. I'm not extremely crazy about the idea, but I'm very optimistic that my marriage has turned a corner after 13 years. I'm still a little cautious as this is all new. If it lasts and works maybe I'll post some details about it in a few weeks. My marriage is starting to feel like what I had always imagined it could be, but never was.

Your post reminds me of so much in my relationship and the patterns that I see other men who have similar issues write about on this site. The puzzlement over the climaxing is one thing. My wife doesn't masturbate and doesn't seem to be that interested in climaxing. She'll actually rip herself away from me if I get her close, but am not penetrating her with my penis. Even then she doesn't seem that pressed about having them - at least not in any way that is understandable to me. Normally she does once or twice a month. I don't keep track because I stopped worrying about it for the sake of my own sanity, but I'm sure she's gone close to two months, if not over. One time after she said, "Do you know how long it's been since I came. I've been praying to God for it." It's absolutely ridiculous in my mind because I am ever-ready to have sex and I can give her an orgasm in minutes. Well last week she did twice in one day. The second time was in an unusual position too. I asked her about it and she said, "Maybe I'm changing." I hope so.

[caster]

Hope things keep turning around for you Stillness.
We went through a time of scheduled sex, we talked about doing it again. But it's really not about quantity for me, it's the lack of interest in it on her part.
Like I said before I don't want an accomodating wife, I want a participating wife.

I have altered my actions and thinking a little to take some of the pressure out of the situation, but not so much that she can think things will go back to the way they were. She knows we're at a turning point, and neither of us want what we have to go away.
Time will tell.

[caster]

Due to my deep feelings for my wife I'm not sure I could have a relationship with another woman, even if it was only mainly physical, emotional would be even worse, and I wouldn't want her to be with another man at all, I'd have a problem with that.
Knowing her she might go along with me having, to use an old term, a concubine, but it would change the entire dynamic of our relationship. Honestly I'd reserve that as a last resort.
I've let her know I need some alone time at home, not the first time I've asked for that, when her friend cancelled she offered to go stay in a motel, sure put a bad taste on it when she said that. I'd want her around friends to get away from me just as much as I want away from her, to stir the "I missed you" pot and remind us of how much we each mean to each other.

I have hobbies that take me places, she goes along sometimes, her hobbies all revolve around the home so she rarely leaves except for work. We still travel together some, not as much as when we were younger, but overall we have a good marriage, we just have a sexual incapatability issue right now. I'm asking more than she can provide mentally, that's a tough one to figure out, physically she'd probably do it about every day if I pushed the issue, but a couple times a week would be fine if she'd actually desired it and not just accomodate. Right now it's about once a week to twice a month for intercourse, which we've actually found a position she's likes to use to please me where she does the work, she'll also take care of me a few more times with a HJ if I ask, but for her to want to "have sex" where she's actively getting into it and with the purpose of herself achieving an O? Once every few months is about it.

She tries to please me no doubt, but IMO she's missing out on an important part of ours, or any relationship, the passion and bonding that takes place during sex. I feel it, I desire it, it's just not there, or not important to her. Having passion and not getting it in return makes you question the overall level of the relationship, even when it shouldn't. I'm a passionate person, always have been, she used to be. I have no problems losing myself in our personal pleasures in the heat of the moment, it's like she's afraid to, or really no longer knows how to.