[anonimousey]

Alright guys, here's what's going on.

I've been with my boyfriend for 3 years, we had sex about 1-2 years ago and it was pure pain. His house was empty and we decided to go for it, we started with foreplay and all that j***, but it was just awful for me, he didn't finish because of the pain I was in.

We're both twenty and still live with our parents. Because of our work patterns (he works at night and I work in the day) we literally see each other once a week, it's not even like we live far away. When we do see each other it's at my house, in my bedroom. I absolutely detest the idea of having sex with anyone else in the house and since either my mom or my dad is always at home, it just doesn't happen.

I know that it will hurt the first time and that's natural, but we haven't had a chance for a second time and I'm worried that because of our living status that we will never be able to have sex.

Apart from the massive pain problem, there's also the issue that sex does not bother/interest me in the slightest. We havent had oral sex or otherwise (fingering/blowjobs) in a long time. I'm never ever in the mood for any of that.
When we see each other we're locked away in my room and spend the whole day on my bed (not up to anything, just talking/watching tv/snuggling) we get so tired. As soon as my head hits the pillow I don't have the energy to do anything.

This has really been getting me down as it makes me question my feelings for him; I love him, bit shouldn't I be excited about the prospect of getting jiggy with him?
He wants to kiss all the time, but I don't feel that my heart's into it. I can't remember the last time I felt that special 'something' when our lips locked.

We're thinking of going away (only somewhere else in the UK) soon and I don't know what will happen. I think I want to please him, and it used to really turn me on to turn him on, but now I don't get any of that.

If you have any ideas about what's going on in my brain/body I'd really appreciate it.

Thanks

[anonimousey]

The starred word I used was j.a.z.z, I don't know why it was censored

[anonimousey]

There must be soneone out there who can help me, I've read the other threads about this but I can't find the answer

[jns]

Is it possible you are depressed? Depression can sometimes turn off libido.

[Trisha23]

You must be part of the late bloomers where sex doesn't interest you at the age of twenty. Another reason also is that you are stressed out and that is a big factor of not being interested into sex.

[anonimousey]

I had depression for about two years during our relationship, on anti depressants for a year and half, I've been off them for nearly a year

[Lady Syrinx]

I had depression for about two years during our relationship, on anti depressants for a year and half, I've been off them for nearly a year

Depression can return periodically or it can be something you can fight it your entire life. I have depression and AD/HD. A wonderful combo, NOT! There's a cruel irony in treating depression, if the depression doesn't kill your libido then the medication mostt likely will. And unfortunately, there are very few anti-depressants that don't negatively impact the libido and/or response. Three to be exact, I'm currently on two of them... Welbutrin and Remeron. I don't recall the name of the third one.

[monaa]

I agree, i have a friend with a similar problem! The Depression is difficult

[anonimousey]

I don't feel depressed anymore, though. When I was in my depression I was a complete zombie, this just feels different.

I actually can't understand how people feel sex driven, it just baffles me. I like the idea of dressing up for my boyfriend and giving him hand/blow jobs, but I don't actually want to do it. Does this mean I'm a selfish lover or something? It's not like im take take take, we haven't been intimate in any way for a while, so there's nothing for me to 'take'.

Oh Brain, why do you do this? =[

[jns]

I actually can't understand how people feel sex driven, it just baffles me.

Sex drive is very much about hormones and chemicals in our brains. These are natural chemicals, but they have addictive qualities to some people. The lead up to sexual activity releases some of them and the sexual activity releases even more. They end up causing a reaction that most want to experience again and again, but at different timing intervals.