[Stillness]

I actually can't understand how people feel sex driven, it just baffles me.

I have a sex drive and the concept is still weird. The whole thing is insane when you think about it...civilized people coming together like animals. Humping and grunting. The human family needs to reproduce though...the same as your body needs food. The sex drive demands to be fed.

[anonimousey]

My body doesn't need to be fed, it feels like it's not too bothered.

It's making me question my sexual orientation, and it's making me feel really really down.

I'm the type of person to question every single thing, what might be a normal task for everyone else won't be for me. I can't help thinking that maybe I have no libido because I'm only attracted to women. Argh, my head is full of mess!!!

I feel like I'm desperate to cry and cry because I'm so confused. I just don't know what to do with myself.
When I think of my boyfriend my heart just aches. I know he loves me to tiny little bits and pieces, be treats me really well and cares for me. I don't know if I feel like I'm lying to myself and everyone or what =[

I just don't know what the hell is going on. This is going to sound so stupid but I wear masculine clothes, I'm really ot girly at all. I think this is down to being tall and being a tomboy (obviously), I was walking around the shops today and wondering if people look at me and think I'm a lesbian. I KNOW that not all lesbians dress masculine and all that, I know it's a ******* steryotype and and all that, but maybe that's just what I am.

I just can't stand this, my head is too full of questions

[shezz]

just not in to sex

I. Haven't been in to sex for a while

[rcoreyus]

Do you have sexual feelings / fantasies about other people, or not at all?

[Kytkat]

Could it be that the pain you experienced is what is now causing the issue? You could, without realising, be reluctant to re engage because of the fear?

[rcoreyus]

Don't worry about your orientation, but think about it. There is nothing wrong with being attracted to men, women, both or neither as long as you can be honest with yourself and your partner.

[anonimousey]

Thanks for continuing to reply, guys.

Rcoreyus, not really. I might think 'he's attractive', but then that sends me spinning off into 'do I fund him attractive or sexually attractive? What even is the difference? Do I feel something when I look at this dude? If I do, what the hell does that mean?'
And I know, but I hate not knowing what's going on in my own head.

Kykat I've thought about that as well, if that is the issue, I've got no idea how to get round it.

We're going a away for a few days next week. Frankly, I'm dreading it. I'm worried that it's just going to turn into 'this trip will make or break our relationship', which just makes me feel worse about the whole thing.

I feel like I'm part of a married couple, everything has kind of slowed down to a stop - we've only been going out 3 years. It used to turn me on to turn him on, I don't even know what that feels like now. I don't want to be kissing him all the time (I've told him this), to me it just feels like the more we kiss, the less it does for me - he wants to kiss me all the time, but I'm just not in to that. I prefer to kiss him on his face and neck, I just think it's more intimate.

Ball.
Of.
Confusion.

[Little_Man_in_the_Boat]

I don't know why you are in so much pain ?

It's probably the same old story of poor technique or your just not ready to accept his penis.

If he's big then that just makes it worse.

A man must spend a lot of time on foreplay (hand-caressing) and it must be done with finesse.

I think it boils down to the type of man he is.

I think it takes a certain breed of man with intelligence to be a good lover.

If sex is painful well of course your not going to enjoy sex.

Unless of course you enjoy pain but most people I know don't.

Get him spend three hours on foreplay before he enters you.

When he caresses you it must be caressing not rubbing - your not trying to rub a car back to bare metal.

A mans caressing must be as gentle and soft as the wings of a butterfly.

Dry, rough, cracked hands obviously isn't going to work.

When you kiss - you do it gently and slowly build the sexual tension to the point of frustration.

Nibling, kissing, soft, very gentle, slow.

Licking the ears but don't slobber all over them.

kissing the neck ...

Have fun and really take your time.

If your tired don't do it because your just too tired.

Wait untll your rested.

[anonimousey]

I was in pain because it's painful. Simple.


I'm back to questioning my sexuality, I just find womens bodies more attractive than mens. But I don't really feel sexed up enough to want to have sex with men or women.

I'm completely dreading us going away (tomorrow), I feel it's going to make or break our relationship. Not because of the lack of sex, but the whole picture. What if I realise I don't love him, or don't want to love him, cant love him or anyone else for that matter.

He's told me that he's had all of these thoughts before: 'Do I actually love her?', and that we should talk about it more.

It might(?) be important to note that sex is a blue subject in my house. My mom was brought up by her grandmother, so has very victorian views about everything. It's not something I'm alltogether comfortable about, I suppose.

Arh, so conflicted

[Guest]

Pardon my English, not a native speaker.

I have been in a similar situation before. The first time I tried having sex it hurt a LOT, and me and my (now ex)boyfriend didn't have sex most of our relationship.
What I recommend is to go to a gynaecologist, sexologist or physiotherapist, or even all three.

I first went to see a school nurse about the pain. She told me I might have a yeast infection, so I immediately tried medication for that. However, I did NOT have yeast infection, and if someone tells you this, it is not very likely to be correct.

I went to see a gynaecologist, who gave me an analgesic ointment, and a diagnosis: vulvar vestibulitis. She told me to look it up online. Now, I am telling you: DO NOT LOOK IT UP ONLINE. The things I read were horrible, women who had been struggling for years with pain, and that there was no cure at all. I was only 16 at the time, and I cried every time I thought about it. Now, believe me, there is a way to recover.

Vulvar vestibulitis means the muscles contract and tighten. For me, the muscles in my vagina were always fully tightened, and I wasn't even aware of it. However, I had to see a second gynaecologist, and a sexologist, before I learned about this. I was finally sent to a physiotherapist, who could actually help me. She taught me how to relax down there, and gave me lots of activities to do and advice on how to get used to having something inside without hurting.

It was a long and painful process, and it took me a year of intense treatment to get to where I am today. I am still not fully recovered, but I am definitely getting there. I also used to dread sex, I was completely fine with not having it. And that's only natural when I associated it with so much pain. What is important to remember, once the association between sex and pain is gone, and you have good sexual experiences, you will start to want it more. It is a fact that the more sex women have, the more sex hormones their bodies produce, causing them to want more sex. I know it might seem impossible right now to ever enjoy sex, but if you are willing to put in the effort, it is very possible to develop and interest in sex.

It sounds like you might have the same problem as me, so that's why I advice you to see a physiotherapist who's a specialist in this area. That's what I did, and it has helped me a lot. If you need any more advice you are very welcome to message me. I wish you all the best.