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  • OneHotMamma
    Junior Member
    • Apr 2013
    • 3

    Libido Changed Overnight, it's weird, please help.

    Hi, I'm new to this forum, and I'm glad I found it.
    A quick little background. I am 27 years old, been married over 6 and a half years, and have a wonderful little 20 month old girl. My sex drive was almost nothing. My husband would be lucky to get it once a month. The only time we really went at it was when we were trying to get pregnant. Then, I went back to normal.
    About a month ago, I was very close to leaving him with my daughter. I found stuff in his online search history about divorce, custody laws, apartment searches, and searches about lying to me about telling me he loves me. Then, after I brought that up to him that night, less than 48 hours later, he went out after work with a female co-worker, and never told me (it turned out to be nothing).
    After long talks, and a nice date night, I have been wanting sex every day. I used to say at night, in bed, with the lights off. Now, it's in the living room after our daughter goes to bed, I play with him in the car while driving(just playing, not bring him to climax), I wanted him to do a quicky with me at my in-laws in the bathroom before we left the on Easter. I'm wanting the weather to be warm so we can go out and do it in the cars, and on our deck. I even want to try it privately in a public place like a store dressing room. All of a sudden, I want to get kinky, slightly more than mildly kinky, but no whips or any kind of pain. I even talked him into anal. It was our first time doing that, but I kind of enjoyed it. I even want to wear something and penetrate him at some point. I also started doing oral recently too, I never did that on him before.
    It's almost like I went to sleep one night thinking who cares, and woke up like this. He even jokes saying to me that soon, he won't be able to keep up with me. He almost said it at work one day, and I encouraged him that he should. I've always been a very private person to things like this, but now, I want to shout it from the rooftops.
    However, I am not feeling anything anymore. We used to orgasm together if I was on top, but now, I feel absolutely nothing. It's more that I just want to have it all the time. I did recently have blood work done to see what my hormone levels are like compared to a few months ago. I haven't gotten those results yet. At first, I thought it was more just in my mind making me want to do it all the time to show him what he has here at home and that he can't get it anywhere else.
    It's awesome that we're doing it so much because it's less fighting. I even found out that I want him to be more dominate in the bedroom, but it always ends up with me being the dominate one. I've even been really turned on lately researching some very light BDSM. I prefer just to keep it more the dominate/submissive type though. (sigh)
    My main question is, am I the only one who has ever experienced a drastic change like this? I'll just take any advice on anything I've written.
  • Stillness
    WH Poster of the Month April 2017
    • Feb 2012
    • 3679

    Originally posted by OneHotMamma
    My main question is, am I the only one who has ever experienced a drastic change like this?
    No, OneHotMamma, you are not. It seems to be normal for some women. If you do some searching on this site you will find tons of women with the same complaint/excitement/confession. We see it so much that it's not even all that interesting (although you'd think it would be). That's probably why you're not getting much of a response.

    What makes it interesting to me is 1) your age (normally what we see is mid-30s to late-40s/50ish) and 2) the fact that it corresponds to what seems to be a breaking point in your marriage and a change in your behavior. I don't know how much "help" you need, since you're communicating more and seem to be happier. Why look a gift horse in the mouth? Go with the flow. If anything, we need your help.

    I would be so grateful if you could let the community here know what the results of your test show. I'm sure a lot of us with similar libido issues - our own or our mates - would like to know if this is an emotional response or a physical one. I know I would. It seems like too much of a coincidence to be hormonal, but life is funny sometimes. Please let us know.
    "Those sowing seed with tears
    Will reap with a joyful shout." - Psalm 126

    Comment

    • OneHotMamma
      Junior Member
      • Apr 2013
      • 3

      I did receive the results from my bloodwork today, and the nurse said they showed nothing. I did leave a message with them to check to see if they were the same as taken in January or if any of the levels may be higher. At this time, maybe it is more psychological than anything else. However, since I'm not getting any stimulation anymore, I'm thinking of seeing a sex therapist. I am just happy right now that he is happy. I know he feels bad that he can't bring me to climax like I used to though.
      I guess we'll just go from here and see what happens next.

      Comment

      • Claret
        Assistant Admin
        • Jan 2011
        • 1823

        "About a month ago, I was very close to leaving him with my daughter. I found stuff in his online search history about divorce, custody laws, apartment searches, and searches about lying to me about telling me he loves me. Then, after I brought that up to him that night, less than 48 hours later, he went out after work with a female co-worker, and never told me (it turned out to be nothing).
        After long talks, and a nice date night, I have been wanting sex every day."

        In reading your post, all I can think of is it may just be psychological. You were staking your claim to your husband in an attempt to thwart any interaction (further interaction) he might want to have with his female co-worker. Whether you think this or not, will admit it or not, I believe this is exactly the reason why you suddenly "turned on". Further, now that the initial threat to you seems to be over you are now "turning off" once again.

        I think you really need to look at your relationship and how you relate to your husband. The next time you have a falling out or if you feel threatened will you behave in the same manner? How do you really feel about him on all levels? How do you really feel about him sexually, as a husband, as a father?
        That which we forget may as well never really happened.

        Comment

        • Stillness
          WH Poster of the Month April 2017
          • Feb 2012
          • 3679

          Originally posted by OneHotMamma
          I'm not getting any stimulation anymore
          I forgot about this when I replied. Sorry if it seemed I was belittling your issue. Thanks for replying.
          "Those sowing seed with tears
          Will reap with a joyful shout." - Psalm 126

          Comment

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