[jns]

My so what comments had to do only with the wives masturbating. They need to be able to do this in their own time and space without being made to feel they are doing something wrong.

Hmm, does this also work for the husbands who masturbate using aids while ignoring their wives' desires? As JD described the situation, it sounds like his wife is rejecting him by substituting a different method to meet her desires. To what level does this give him license to substitute a different method to meet his desires? Are the unilateral, self imposed bounds she has placed on herself also binding on him?

As for darkraven; I don't see any evidence that your wife is lying, so give her the benefit of the doubt.

[Claret]

This is what my comments were directed at:
I guess I'm of the "old school" here and just need to interject with "So what!". So what if she masturbates, so what if she has never told you, so what that she was caught masturbating and had previously told you she never did, so what if this is something she does for herself and herself only? So what is the harm? So what if she keeps her fantasies to herself? So what if she thinks about women now and again?
So what?
I would suggest also that should he wish to masturbate he should have his own time and space as well and again I'd say "So what?"
I was never suggesting anything further.

[Stillness]

I was an only child, so I'm a really private person. I like my own personal space and time to myself and don't like to be questioned a whole lot about it. I also don't question others, including my wife, about certain private thoughts and what their time is spent doing. Everyone is different and has a different kind of relationship, though.

I find it weird and intrusive to ask certain things. I've had problems with jealousy and anger because of them. So I don't lie, but with certain questions I refuse to answer my wife and I certainly won't ask them of her. On the other hand, lying and withholding sexual affection is just horrible for a relationship whether the person is masturbating or not.