[jen1447]

I think your definition of normal is a bit inaccurate, Stillness. The (Free Online!) dictionary says:

adj.

Conforming with, adhering to, or constituting a norm, standard, pattern, level, or type; typical

n.

Something normal; the standard
The usual or expected state, form, amount, or degree.

(I omitted the biology, chemistry, and mathematics definitions.)

So if normal is the standard, porn is normal, since its use is commonplace. (porn isn't the #1 function of the internet by accident. ) And it doesn't say or imply anything about the need for the norm to be healthy to be a norm.

I'm also not clear on what the damaging effects of porn are (which is not to say that there is no way it can be damaging). I watch a fair amount of porn (I actually like it quite a lot), and I know a lot of people who do as well, and I don't view myself or any of them as being damaged or damaging ourselves by doing so. Quite the opposite in fact, given that it promotes sexual release, which I think is generally healthy.

If you're saying that porn can be harmful when used by some people with addictive personality traits, I can understand that. Likewise certain types of extreme porn probably don't promote a healthy mindset, but watching a guy put his penis in a woman's vagina and say "Oh baby!" while she moans hardly qualifies.

[rcoreyus]

Always a risk. Actually if you know me, there is someone else that we both know who was more likely to write that post than I was (there's a brain teaser for you).

It is sad that I need to remain anonymous here - I've met lots of interesting people. Well if you do figure out who I am, don't tell me - unless you are female and are dressed for playing beach vollyeball that is........

I enjoy your posts..... I got to this and cracked up - I am beginning to wonder if you are someone I know based on that one!

[Justice]

Always a risk. Actually if you know me, there is someone else that we both know who was more likely to write that post than I was (there's a brain teaser for you).

It is sad that I need to remain anonymous here - I've met lots of interesting people. Well if you do figure out who I am, don't tell me - unless you are female and are dressed for playing beach vollyeball that is........

I was just kidding. Enough of your other posts are different enough from the person I was thinking anyway. I like the anonymity as well. In another post, I noted that if someone read all my posts and knew me, they could likely figure out it was me posting. But it is nice having a safe place to discuss what one might not have anyone else to have these discussions with.

...though I am female and did play a a lot of VB (though it was more indoor and sand than beach)

[Stillness]

(I omitted the biology...definitions.)

You shouldn't have. We're biological. It has to do with natural function.

But I'm not making a semantic argument. Her boyfriend was the one who used the word and however he used it it’s problematic.

If he meant it’s natural and healthy, then there are studies with pictures that show brain scans of compulsive pornography viewers that look like alcohol and drug abusers. If he finds the need to view pornography twice a day after they’ve had sex, I’d find that evidence of compulsion.

If he meant your definition of normal, that “everybody’s doing it, so it’s OK.” That’s the oldest illogical argument in the book. The oldest comeback is “if everybody jumped off a cliff…”

[jen1447]

I don't think anyone here was referring to biological function, despite the "one with your body" reference. (I doubt this guy is a biologist.) Were you for some reason? All the references seem to imply the more common 'typical' or 'standard' definition.

"he tried to reassure me that it was a very normal act"
"he wasn't going to feel bad about watching porn or masturbating because it was a normal thing"
"in his mind, it's completely normal and (as he states) is part of being "one with your body""

Do you really think he means anything other than "everybody does it?"

Regarding the ill-health effects, you're going to have to do better than references to nebulous studies and straw man arguments. The fact that everyone doing something doesn't mean that thing is sound does not then mean that pornography is harmful, sorry. You should know better. As to the 'studies,' likewise, even if they're legit, the notion that some people might conceivably have a compulsive addiction to porn does not implicate it as hazardous for everybody.

Anyway, since you're making the assertion that porn is harmful, it's your responsibility to supply due diligence - I need to see widely accepted peer-reviewed studies that clearly indicate the same. This is actually fairly important IMO because frankly all I think you're doing here is fear-mongering. A lot of women with a variety of sexual needs and problems and situations (many likely including masturbation on their part or their partner's) read these forums and I don't think it's doing them any favors to encourage some notion of taboo or danger around porn consumption unless we know there actually is one. And that would just be the beginning of the debate, as I can easily point to many people as examples of those who have no problems. Unfortunately, showing an example of one person who has a problem doesn't prove it's a problem for everybody, but showing an example of one person who doesn't have a problem does prove it's not a problem for everybody.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

I know threads turn. But it would be a shame and it would be wrong for this one to at this point in time, I think the communication between the members and the OP over this thus far has been excellent and gives some understanding, not in its entirety but some.

We also like the idea of debates. As long as they are done in the correct manner. It brings something different to WH and can be enjoyable.

I'd like to therefore suggest a new Thread commence, on the debate of the said subject of Porn

To the OP. Seeing what you did at such a young age most certainly can affect things. But I would think that as one matures and sees life for what it is, they can begin to be open about sexuality. I think that some things are put into the sex box, when really they belong in the sensual box.. It would be in my opinion a great thing for you to study a bit about sexuality/sensuality to differentiate the two and see love as well as sex, within the sexual act not just intercourse.

What are your thoughts on that ?

CW

[jns]

I think for the last generation of men in the USA, the ease of access to free porn on the internet has made masturbating to porn their primary sexual release and relationships with women somewhat secondary for many. I'm pretty sure smart phone sales with data plans have benefited from this trend.

OP, you have your own opinions that you don't have to modify, but you may have a limited field of possible boyfriends.

[Stillness]

I'm always up for a lively debate, but don't have any desire to have one over pornography. I already know what the outcome would be. I just wanted to help by letting melodyhollows know she's not alone. I share her point of view on pornography being a sort of cheating.

I don't know why you're hung up on definitions jen. I told you I wasn't making a semantic argument. But, If you Google "normal definition" the first or second listing will take you to merriam-Webster and you will see "healthy." Sex is a biological function, and you dont need to be a biologist to know that. Anyone who wants to can also Google something like "study compulsive pornography affect brain" and see the studies with actual pictures of the brain scans. And as I said, you can search this site for the scores of women suffering with a man who prefers porn to them. As jns alludes to, it's a widespread issue, and one I feel interferes with healthy intimacy between man and woman.

If anyone is feels fear or offense because of my opinion or the facts, I'm sorry. That is not my intent.