[jns]

The title is from a New York Times article: "Does a More Equal Marriage Mean Less Sex?" Google (or use another search engine) the title to read it and look at a study it cites.

I've noticed that some men in other threads have completely taken over what were traditional women's roles in the house in an attempt to have more satisfying sex lives (usually their sex lives were completely or mostly cut off). I have posted to at least one thread that I have never heard of that actually working. This article seems to quantify that understanding, at least to a degree.

Comments?

[DreamP346]

This article and the study it is based on has numerous flaws. I wouldn't rely on it. Here are some comments by a Harvard sexologists who is very well respected in the field:

First and foremost, it’s important to recognize that this is a correlational study. Granted, Gottlieb admits this is a limitation, but she quickly dismisses it because the results are consistent with her personal observations. However, this doesn't change the fact that while gendered housework and sexual frequency were statistically associated, we don’t know why and we don’t even know whether this association is meaningful. Gendered housework may not be driving sexual frequency at all. For instance, perhaps people who divide household chores along gender lines subscribe to very traditional ideas of male dominance and female submissiveness. Consequently, the women in these relationships may be less inclined to refuse a partner’s request for sex or feel as though they have a duty to provide a certain amount of sex to their partner.

Second, the data for this study were collected nearly 20 years ago. Gottlieb (like the authors of the original study) doesn't think this is a problem, though, because "not much as changed" since then. I disagree. In fact, I would argue that marriage and women's role in society have changed dramatically since the early 1990s. For one thing, the marriage rate is now at an all-time low. In addition, there are more women today working outside of the home than ever before, women are getting college degrees in greater numbers, and women are contributing a greater share of the household income in heterosexual relationships. Thus, I don’t think it’s safe to simply assume that the same results would be found in today’s world.

Third, although gendered housework was linked to more sex, it did not translate to a huge increase in sexual activity. The difference in sexual frequency between a household in which a woman does all of the “female” chores and one in which she does none is 1.6 times per month. Obviously, when trying to define what “a little” or “a lot” of sex is, we’re talking about a subjective judgment; however, I think most of us would agree that a difference of 1.6 times per month is far from earth-shattering. Furthermore, it is worth noting that the researchers only asked participants how often they had “sex” without defining what sex was or inquiring about how much time participants spent on sexual activity. Thus, we do not know whether participants were only referencing vaginal intercourse here, and we cannot say whether there is actually a difference in the overall amount of time couples spent on sexual activity. Perhaps couples who adopt more traditional gender roles have sex that's all business, with little to no foreplay, whereas egalitarian couples spend more time warming each other up.

Finally, and perhaps most importantly, although frequency of sex was higher among those who engaged in gendered housework, we do not know if that translated to higher levels of sexual satisfaction. Quantity and quality of sex are two completely different things, and just because a couple is having more sex doesn’t necessarily mean that they are having better sex than everyone else. It could be that people who take on very strict gender roles have a very limited view of what they are "supposed" to do in bed, making sex less spontaneous and exciting. Consistent with this idea, a recent study found that both men and women who possess traditional gender role beliefs have lower sexual self-efficacy, which refers to one’s perceived ability to turn down sex, to achieve sexual satisfaction, and to initiate safe-sex practices [2]. In light of these findings, one could argue that adopting traditional gender roles may undermine the quality of your sex life.

[rcoreyus]

It is possible that women in more traditional roles, tend to believe that sex is one of their required duties - so their husbands get more sex, but done as a chore. This assumes (maybe incorrectly) that women more often than men are the limit in the amount of sex in a relationship. That may be the "traditional" view, but it may be wrong.

Agreeing with jns though, I haven't seen any discussions where men doing more chores around the house actually resulted in more sex when they were previously being turned down. It seems that most sexless relationships are based on one party really not wanting sex, not a sense of unfairness in the relationship. I think people who do want sex have difficulty putting themselves in the mindset of someone who doesn't.

[Stillness]

I've noticed that some men in other threads have completely taken over what were traditional women's roles in the house in an attempt to have more satisfying sex lives (usually their sex lives were completely or mostly cut off).

I'm imagining frigid women gathered together, drinking red wine, and throwing their heads back in laughter for pulling this off. In the kitchen is a bewildered husband wearing some of those big yellow gloves and standing over a sink full of dishes with a screaming toddler hanging off of his hip.

[jns]

I'm imagining frigid women gathered together, drinking red wine, and throwing their heads back in laughter for pulling this off. In the kitchen is a bewildered husband wearing some of those big yellow gloves and standing over a sink full of dishes with a screaming toddler hanging off of his hip.

Where did the toddler come from?

[jns]

I think people who do want sex have difficulty putting themselves in the mindset of someone who doesn't.

And vice versa.

[Stillness]

Where did the toddler come from?

Premarital sex.

[jns]

Premarital sex.

With who?

[Stillness]

With who?

A question he pondered often.

I have seen a difference in my sex life since I started doing more around the house. I do find this analysis very interesting though. I'm still not completely happy. Maybe I should focus more on doing the "manlier" stuff.

[DreamP346]

There is some research that shows that men who help around the house more often do get more sex from their female partners. The women said they were less tired and had more time for sex if their partner was helping. However, this research did not look at couples who were in sexless relationship and if helping around the house made the low libido partner want more sex. I think that is a totally different situation. My personal belief is that people with lower sex drives (to the point of being non-existent) have lower drives. Period. It has nothing to do with other factors. Now if a couple had a slightly unbalanced sex drives, then maybe helping around the house will increase the existing sex drive, but I don't think it would create sex drive where there wasn't any.