[ms_lorr]

Hi, bit of a lurker here looking for some answers. I've seen the use the search posts, and between here and the internet, I'm still confused.

Brief summary of my problem, been married for several years and always had a great sex life. It was very simple and effective, straight missionary worked for me and him every time. I've never been keen on other kinds of sex or position.

Now after our second baby, it's not been good for the last 6 months. My hubby has admitted that he's been not been entirely honest in saying how it's been. He's says there's not so much feeling now, sadly I have to agree.

A few weeks ago he gave me a back rub and ended up kissing my bum, he really got off on it. Using his fingers on me at the same time gave me one of the most intense orgasm in the past year. Last twice has been a bit more, he's gone for penetration and I used a vibrator at the same time. It wasn't unpleasant, quite nice overall. We don't use condoms, neither like the feel.

My questions that I cant find a straight answer on: is it safe?
Is it safe for him to lick and kiss my bum?
Is there any risk for him during intercourse?
Is there any risk for me during intercourse?

Even on here I've read reasons that say it's ok, and others that say it's not. I don't mind doing it, I only want to know the real health risk if we've been together for so long. Some sites say the risk for being married is almost none as we'd have the same bugs and germs naturally from being so close for so long.

[Stillness]

American here, not quite clear on the lingo. "Bum" = "butt", right? Are we talking about the actual anus being kissed and penetrated or just the cheeks?

[ms_lorr]

Yeah, sorry, Brit here. Butt, bottom, whatever name you like for your behind.

Kissing is all over including anus. Sorry again, still find it awkward talking it about even if it's anonymous, I thought I had put enough detail down.

[jen1447]

I'm pretty sure she means analingus, yeah. I'll stick to that for now .....

Perfectly safe as long as you're clean. Just make a point of making sure you are before he starts - get him to use a warm, wet, mildly soapy washcloth on you and then rinse with another minus the soap.

There's no way to really be delicate about this, so I'll just go with it ....the potential issue is of course poop. Your poop is not normally stored in your colon or anywhere near your butthole so the only time it's there is when you poop. SO, if you stick with that cleaning routine to make sure there are no trace elements around, you will be fine. The only other thing I would suggest is the obvious - don't um do that right after you have a BM.

If you're still worried or if you or he have issues with getting a little creeped out by it, you can use a dental dam, home-made solutions like cellophane between his mouth and your bum. Not really sexy imo but some people prefer it.

The specific risk is I believe for one of the types of hepatitis, which is a serious illness, but again you would potentially get that from literally ingesting poop. Just make sure there isn't any around and have fun.

fwiw, I get this all the time from BF and he is perfectly healthy, so that's a positive in-the-field report from experience.

[kira]

Actual anal penetration is best done with a condom. There's a high risk of infection and his penis can actually come in contact with feces if some is low in your digestive tract getting ready to come out. Some people do enemas before having anal sex to make sure there is no feces and clean the area out so it might be safe enough for sex without a condom.

Using your mouth is mostly safe. As said you want to wash the area and that mostly eliminates the bacteria that he could come in contact with.

[JonDoe]

I've been using my fingers and tongue on my wife in this manner for years. She loves it and we are both still very healthy. Cleanliness is important for obvious reasons.

If you are having anal intercourse in a long-term monogamous relationship, then the risk to you is tears and the risk to him is urinary infection. It is safe for you if you use plenty of lube, aren't too rough and listen to your body -- if it is painful, stop. He can wear a condom for easier cleanup and to prevent the possibility of urinary infection for him. This also has the benefit of allowing you to switch to vaginal intercourse after he removes the condom, which is otherwise a very bad idea. Same goes for toys that you use anally -- keep 'em clean and never switch from back to front.

[rcoreyus]

Most anal play is safe, just avoid transfering from the anus to vagina. (wash hands, etc if used behind before doing anything else).

Otherwise if you both enjoy, then great.

BTW - a lot of men enjoy being stimulated that way as well - if they can get over the idea that its 'gay'.

[ItsASecret]

Most is safe but one should not be fooled into thinking it is completely safe. There are bacteria in there no matter how much you clean and they can cause some pretty heinous infections. Simple rule is once your partner is done playing around there they should change condoms as well as wash hands and face.

Always keep in mind that one should never ever transfer from anal play to the vagina without taking proper precautions like using a new condom if you go to vaginal penetration. Even if he goes from licking anally to licking vaginally it can cause infections as well so simply don't do both at once if washing up has not been done.

[ms_lorr]

ok, still sounds a bit confusing, safe but not safe. Well, safe for me lol

[kate61]

Some people are cautious neh. Except for condoms I never think of safety when having sex. So if anulingus(never tried it) is unsafe are you going to stop your man from doing it ;(