[atskitty2]

Are you planning to have a real discussion with your wife about it?
There are situations I could be open to this on occasion, but it really only matters what your wife thinks and feels.

[HerHusband]

Yeah, insecurities, maybe--I think I am an insecure man. But it does happen to quite a few swingers, and "tricks" aren't able to compensate it--for some reasons the wife just orgasms way many more times and much stronger from another man, or the husband reacts way more intense to another woman. Then they start meeting behind their partners' back. That's one of the real problems of swinging, quite a few swingers complain about that. But on the other hand, I also heard some swingers do enjoy their lives. At least for a while. Guess they work something out, and it's good for them.

My issues aren't just physical pleasure though. As I said, it probably is just me, but for me: 1) jealousy is going to be a big issue, 2) I can't separate sex from love. Before I have sex with another woman, I need to have some emotional connection with her; after I have sex with her, I definitely will fall in love with her. That's just me and I can't help it. I definitely am not a good candidate of swinging. You probably are different and are able to handle those possible issues well, in that case good for you and best wishes. Hope everything works out between you and your wife.

Its all good. Im aware there are ups and downs with this lifestyle and would not enter into it without caution. I also agree that I might become a jealous monster if it didn't go as I envisioned. BUT if I/we tried something once and we both decided it wasn't for us I could never ever hold it against her as I would expect from her. It strange that I know in my heart after sewing my oats when I was single that now I could do that and not (for my part) have any issue keeping it the proper perspective. Sex is sex. Love is life. Maybe not do it as a regular thing but just once or once in a while.
It reminds me of some of the posts and threads I have seen about men and women who have a SO who is not interested in sex and seek a ****buddy. I get it.

[HerHusband]

Are you planning to have a real discussion with your wife about it?
There are situations I could be open to this on occasion, but it really only matters what your wife thinks and feels.

I want to and know she is curious about it but then again Im curious and watch TV shows about things for (don't read into it) life in prison, extreme survival and sports. Does not mean I want to do it so I have to think the same about her when she watches stuff about swingers. Id like to have an honest talk without her being offended and mad and thinking Im doing something on the side now or in the past. I have masturbated thinking about women I know Id like to have sex with but Id be surprised all to hell if every man didn't. And women. I also masturbate about my wife. So its not a thing that I fixate on I think.
If I knew for sure what her objections were without starting a fight Id be good.
I hope I don't sound like a cad but Id rather be honest and here at least I can put it out for comment. I wish I knew what I suspect that more men than you think would be all over this given the chance. I mean we all have thousands of years of evolution that drives us. Men to have sex with as many women as possible and women to not so much but still have sex with the best partners to produce children.
Kitty can you tell me where you stand on this issue and is it something you would consider in your life? I REALLY want to hear what women think about this. Are we men pigs for wanting this or is there more interest by you girls than you admit too?

[atskitty2]

Well, couple things here, from my female perspective. I am open to just about anything, but I want to clarify that by saying I wouldn't likely pursue everything-i would consider anything given the specifics of a situation and the people. I have found myself attracted to females on rare occasions... I don't fight or deny it. I don't close the door on anything. Except dishonesty in a committed relationship... That's the crux of the matter for me.
Along with complete disclosure, there would have to be trust and a genuine and mutual intimacy with my primary partner. The swinging thing would have to be an occasional extension and enhancement of our play time, not a way of life...it would have to be a very special circumstance.

OK, so with that said I will now seem to contradict myself and say that I doubt I'd ever really become involved in it. Reason being that, I doubt I would ever really have a situation where it was good for me, and I wouldn't feel like it was a license to cheat type of deal.
I have a deep respect for the commitment and intimacy of marriage and it should only be altered by adding more people in very controlled circumstances.

So, the sense I'm getting from your comments is that you have some trust issues in your marriage-you said you didn't want her to be offended or to think you were doing something already (or smth like that). Why would she? That indicates to me that y'all aren't always so open and communicative about all that you could be. There are insecurities here I think.

And I really think you just aren't satisfied with your wife's sexual offerings and you wanna bang other women to satisfy your additional needs, not to somehow make your sex life TOGETHER better...or even HER sex life. I think your motivations are selfish, not for the improvement of your marriage. I'm not criticizing, but I think you'd be better off to have a heart to heart with your wife. She may pick up (intuition) that you just want more women, that the suggestion to start swinging may not be for the greater good of the relationship.
I'm not saying you're a bad guy for wanting to be with more women, but I think you'll be better off to be completely honest and open with her. Maybe she will go for it, maybe she won't. But I do think that simple lust for other women is not the best motivation for taking this route. Especially when you're less zealous about her being with other men as well, as you seem to indicate. I think it's a recipe for trouble in this scenario.

My comments are assuming you both share the objective of a long lasting, close, growing relationship.

And just some background on me dear I'm 41, divorced and in the dating game...losing, BTW!
At my stage in life, I don't expect to find the intimacy and closeness again that I once had with my husband, so my perspective has changed on these things over the years.
And finally, if my thoughts on this seem jumbled, I'm happy to clarify...

[jen1447]

Jen,
Im curious and if its not prying do you have some girlfriend bi action? I think its cool but Im strictly hetro so that wont happen with me.

Yes, but the point was not to suggest you do the same and have sex with other men but to show how extra-relationship sex for me is not associated with a 'scene' like swinging.

[Trixareforkids]

Swinging no, I agree with Jen, that's a whole culture that I want no part of. A straight swap or 4-way with the right couple is something I'd like to explore, but the odds of finding that right couple at the right time are so small that I'm fairly certain it'll remain in the curious category.

[HerHusband]

Well, couple things here, from my female perspective. I am open to just about anything, but I want to clarify that by saying I wouldn't likely pursue everything-i would consider anything given the specifics of a situation and the people. I have found myself attracted to females on rare occasions... I don't fight or deny it. I don't close the door on anything. Except dishonesty in a committed relationship... That's the crux of the matter for me.
Along with complete disclosure, there would have to be trust and a genuine and mutual intimacy with my primary partner. The swinging thing would have to be an occasional extension and enhancement of our play time, not a way of life...it would have to be a very special circumstance.

OK, so with that said I will now seem to contradict myself and say that I doubt I'd ever really become involved in it. Reason being that, I doubt I would ever really have a situation where it was good for me, and I wouldn't feel like it was a license to cheat type of deal.
I have a deep respect for the commitment and intimacy of marriage and it should only be altered by adding more people in very controlled circumstances.

So, the sense I'm getting from your comments is that you have some trust issues in your marriage-you said you didn't want her to be offended or to think you were doing something already (or smth like that). Why would she? That indicates to me that y'all aren't always so open and communicative about all that you could be. There are insecurities here I think.

And I really think you just aren't satisfied with your wife's sexual offerings and you wanna bang other women to satisfy your additional needs, not to somehow make your sex life TOGETHER better...or even HER sex life. I think your motivations are selfish, not for the improvement of your marriage. I'm not criticizing, but I think you'd be better off to have a heart to heart with your wife. She may pick up (intuition) that you just want more women, that the suggestion to start swinging may not be for the greater good of the relationship.
I'm not saying you're a bad guy for wanting to be with more women, but I think you'll be better off to be completely honest and open with her. Maybe she will go for it, maybe she won't. But I do think that simple lust for other women is not the best motivation for taking this route. Especially when you're less zealous about her being with other men as well, as you seem to indicate. I think it's a recipe for trouble in this scenario.

My comments are assuming you both share the objective of a long lasting, close, growing relationship.

And just some background on me dear I'm 41, divorced and in the dating game...losing, BTW!
At my stage in life, I don't expect to find the intimacy and closeness again that I once had with my husband, so my perspective has changed on these things over the years.
And finally, if my thoughts on this seem jumbled, I'm happy to clarify...

You may be closer to the truth than I want to admit on my wife's offerings. I admit we still don't communicate as we could be but at this point Im the one trying to do so. I can honestly say I have NOT gone out of our marriage. Ever. Yet.
My motivations my be somewhat selfish as far as wanting more sex but I do love my wife. I still think if it came to another couple Id be willing at least once. I know I can keep things in perspective as far as sex goes but she is the one who isn't willing to try to take ours to the next level. Be it just us or what ever is possible. I have to say you have really made me think this again. I don't know you and yet you seem to have a real insight to what I desire. You may have a clearer picture of what I seek than what I actually do and I kind of feel like Im exposed and someone can see thru me and its a weird feeling. Its why I did the friend thing. Id like to be able to ask you for opinions via PM but cant. Cant find the post count to break that point.
Thanks for making me think over what the root cause is. I just havnt got it straight in my head though.

[atskitty2]

You can ask anything here, and in addition to my thoughts, maybe some other valuable input from posters.

[Trixareforkids]

You may be closer to the truth than I want to admit on my wife's offerings. I have to say you have really made me think this again. I don't know you and yet you seem to have a real insight to what I desire. You may have a clearer picture of what I seek than what I actually do and I kind of feel like Im exposed and someone can see thru me and its a weird feeling.

This is why I've come to the boards. There are times someone on the outside of a situation can see it more clearly or from a new or different perspective than those inside and if we're willing to really consider those insights we can learn and grow.

[jenny23]

Maybe I will understand it one day, but at this moment I just can't see another girl having sex with my BF :s