[rizzochastity]

I have been happily married for almost 19 years, we are high school sweet hearts that have been together since we were 13 years old. But over the last 2 or so years our sex life has diminished. I use to be the one that could (and wanted to) go weeks without sex, now it's the complete opposite.
My husband and I were addicted to crack/cocaine and during that time in our lives he wanted to have sex non-stop. We have been clean now from any and all mind altering substances for 7 years. However, he still seems to associate sex with using drugs. I don't know what to do.
We own a very successful business, and live life on life's terms today, and live a very happy, fulfilling marriage. But I am at the point that I feel like everything is falling apart in our relationship, simply because there is so little sex. I have everything else that I could possibly ask for....... A Rolex, a brand new Mercedes benz, a beautiful home, amazing children and a very loving, supportive husband; just NO SEX!!!! I have tried everything... pleasuring myself in front of/for him, making the first move (which by the way is so not me...), wearing sexy clothing, sending him random nudes. EVERYTHING that I can think of, to no avail. I am so frustrated.... I have been getting very emotional, to the point of tears due to this. I am so scared that this is tearing my marriage apart. There are some things that money can not buy, unfortunately, and that is affection, body on body touching from MY HUSBAND.... I never, in my life thought that I would long for this the way that I am. And I certainly NEVER thought that I would join an online chat group for help from strangers for this reason....
Please, if anyone has ANY suggesions as to how I can get my husband to not associate sex to the past life we lead, please, please help!!!

I feel bad, I feel like I am "harassing" him for sex.... And I don't want to feel this way. I just want my husband.... ALL OF HIM.

[Motorguy]

I have been happily married for almost 19 years, we are high school sweet hearts that have been together since we were 13 years old. But over the last 2 or so years our sex life has diminished. I use to be the one that could (and wanted to) go weeks without sex, now it's the complete opposite.
My husband and I were addicted to crack/cocaine and during that time in our lives he wanted to have sex non-stop. We have been clean now from any and all mind altering substances for 7 years. However, he still seems to associate sex with using drugs. I don't know what to do.
We own a very successful business, and live life on life's terms today, and live a very happy, fulfilling marriage. But I am at the point that I feel like everything is falling apart in our relationship, simply because there is so little sex. I have everything else that I could possibly ask for....... A Rolex, a brand new Mercedes benz, a beautiful home, amazing children and a very loving, supportive husband; just NO SEX!!!! I have tried everything... pleasuring myself in front of/for him, making the first move (which by the way is so not me...), wearing sexy clothing, sending him random nudes. EVERYTHING that I can think of, to no avail. I am so frustrated.... I have been getting very emotional, to the point of tears due to this. I am so scared that this is tearing my marriage apart. There are some things that money can not buy, unfortunately, and that is affection, body on body touching from MY HUSBAND.... I never, in my life thought that I would long for this the way that I am. And I certainly NEVER thought that I would join an online chat group for help from strangers for this reason....
Please, if anyone has ANY suggesions as to how I can get my husband to not associate sex to the past life we lead, please, please help!!!

I feel bad, I feel like I am "harassing" him for sex.... And I don't want to feel this way. I just want my husband.... ALL OF HIM.

Well Rizzo I want to congratulate you on kicking drugs that is not a easy thing to do. And for you both to do it and now living the American dream that's even better. I only can say maybe your husband having E.D issue and something he should see the doctor about because I think he does loves you and you him very much. So sitting him down having this conversation about your sex life being nothing right now maybe going to a sex therapist and getting to the whole issue of him not wanting sex.My self your husband having medical issue and should be check out he could have some prostate issue going on not allowing him to have erection. Well good luck Rizzo and sure hope you can get to the issue of this problem with husband soon enough.

[Stillness]

Is it literally no sex, or just not enough?

You'll find that a lot of women (and men) on this site have been or are currently in situations like yours. It's what brought me here a couple of years ago. I highly recommend using the search function on the site. Even looking at the bottom of this thread you'll see five threads like yours. They may offer ideas that would help you. Just knowing that there are others dealing with this will certainly provide moral support.

A lot of what helped improve my situation was patience and communication. It's still not perfect, but it's better.

Welcome!

[sweet_peaa]

Why don't you try just talking to him! Maybe your not using the right methods to get him eroused or maybe he'll tell you what turns him on which was something that you didn't even think of!

[PhrendlyPhil]

Rizzo: In normal situations the quick seduction techniques you've described work just fine (sexy clothes, nude photos, pleasuring youself). We men go from the penis to the mind almost instantly (no foreplay needed). In your case you're going to have to go in reverse. In fact it might require both of you taking some time off from the business (if that's possible). Just a very simple getaway to a nearby town or resort. The two of you need time alone. Make sure that he knows the purpose of the trip is to rekindle your romantic relationship (not necessarily sex). You need to seduce his mind and get him back to admiring and loving all the things he's always loved about you. Can you make him laugh? Can you have deep conversations about worldly things, family matters? Strange as it seems, you're going to have to go super slow. In fact, for now, just leave the sex off the table until you feel confident that you can turn on his mind. Get him to share new things and ideas with you (milk it out of him, you can do it). He has somehow build up some barriers to intimacy with you. Once you break those down he'll be able to ravish you just like in the old days.

[dyunysus]

It could be that the use of the drugs for years caused him to have a form of ED that is in his head, not physical. If he truly associated the sex with the drugs, his sex drive may be dependent on it. Also as others suggested the pressure of running a business and being a provider may have him stressed out. When things are busy at my wife's job her drive drops during that time.

[rizzochastity]

Well, it's been several weeks since I posted my original concern on here, and as much as I wish I could report change; I can't!! We are however going to Vegas this week, alone, for an entire week. He seems to think that he is going to walk through some "magic door" at the airport that will make him ready for and wanting sexual relations with myself.... All I can do is hope, but that hope is quickly diminishing...... And it hurts!!!!!!!

[HerHusband]

Without sounding like a broken record has he had his testosterone levels checked? IF he isn't in the 600-700 range with a free T in the upper teens he many need a boost. Dont trust a family medicine MD. Go to someone who specializes in this. At least you will know at that point one thing it IS or isn't.
Trust me. A few years ago I was always trying to figure out how to avoid sex. Now,,,,, There isn't enough time in the day and my wife is having a HARD time keeping up.

[Stillness]

He seems to think that he is going to walk through some "magic door" at the airport that will make him ready for and wanting sexual relations with myself

That's exciting! At least he wants to change. A lot of people are in a situation where their mate doesn't seem to care.

Thanks for the update. Let us know how things go.

[Baboy]

I'll jump on Stillness' bandwagon. Don't despair. Yes, there's a possibility of some physiological explanation as suggested by HerHusband, but it's as likely, or more, a mental thing. It is said all the time, and rightly I dare say, that sex has more to do with the brain than any other body part.

So, if your husband has adopted the attitude that a "magic door" awaits in LV, then be much encouraged. The whole notion of the trip just might provide the needed mental boost and trigger.

I would urge you not to sabotage the trip from the start by exuding a negative vibe. If you are pessimistic, strive not to show it. Stillness is right. Your husband is motivated and wants things to work. Support that willingness.

The worst case scenario I can conjure up would be he tries to be a hot lover to you on the Vegas getaway and does not much succeed. Not the end of the world. That does not mean all is lost. Instead, given his change of tune, take it as an open sesame to dialogue. He might then be receptive to agreeing to look for a solution. Maybe then go for a capital T check as suggested above. That would be better than now saying to him: "Hey sweetie, maybe you should get the old T checked before our trip." That's not likely to instill much confidence.