[bubbles]

i have been in an on again off again relationship with my sons (5) father, so about 7 years now. It was pretty bad when we split up and now we are trying to work things out. We moved in together about 2 weeks ago, but we always had a sexual relationship through out. When he wants sex, he is very rude i think. with him its like he'll stand in front of me in the living room and whip it out and say ''put it in your mouth'' with a smile so i think hes playing but it makes me feel bad. he lacks sweetness and nurturing. I feel like its very blunt. and i dont do it, and he gets all ****y. and he says things like we never do it, and hes frustrated but for me if he was more loving in the way he approaches me it would be different, and im frustrated too. we end up fighting about it and i end up feeling guilty and mad. but we do have sex 4 times a week, im in school and so is he we are in our 30's with kids, theres alot going on.... any advice??? PLEASE

[sourpuss]

That is completely rude! You need to just tell him straight up how it makes you feel. Don't bring it up when he does it though, he'll just get defensive. Wait until a good time when things are going well and you think he'll be more receptive to criticism.

[metboogie]

If I EVER did that to my wife you'd be reading about the new John Bobbit...because she would cut it off with the quickness...

[alibaby]

Disrespectful!

...When he wants sex, he is very rude i think. with him its like he'll stand in front of me in the living room and whip it out and say ''put it in your mouth'' with a smile so i think hes playing but it makes me feel bad...

Reading that made me mad too. His behavior is just plain disrespectful! Don't feel any guilt because you haven't done anything wrong. Before you pull out that butcher knife, I agree that you need to catch him in a mellow moment and try to have a calm talk with him about how you feel when he talks to you that way. You're both working on fixing your relationship and this should be part of that process.

[mr.mansview]

what ever happened to romance? he needs an attitude ajustment..are any of your sexual needs being met?

[bzmum6]

Even though I highly agree with the other postings, about his rude, disrespectful and demeaning behavior. Don't expect him to read your mind or just know, obviously he doesn't, just know or he wouldn't be doing it. Tell him flat out how it makes you feel and what you need. if he isn't at least willing to try and actively change that part, he don't care about you the way a loving man should and you don't need him, that would be for me a "Deal Breaker" as Dr. Phil would say.

[bubbles]

I feel I have over the years asked him to be more loving in that way, and when I do ask him he tries to be, i dont think he has a romantic bone in his body. It makes my stomach hurt that he can be like that, but he has a good heart, its confusing. We are not teenagers anymore... we are parents to a 5 year old and 12 year old both boys. Both gone back to college for very social respectable jobs. Too me he, acts like a thug, and that he turns me off more than anything by trying to get sex rudely like you hear or see in hip-hop music. I do like some music, Im not trying to insault anyone who listens to it, more so the beat of the music than what the lyrics are saying, ho', biatch, nigga, and explicit rude language. But that is rude and offensive I believe for almost all women ( i'd hope ). I am hoping i can get some suggestions on making this work out, cause I do also believe it could be a 'deal breaker'... and I really want to try for the familys sake.

[Still Nobody]

I feel I have over the years asked him to be more loving in that way, and when I do ask him he tries to be, i dont think he has a romantic bone in his body. It makes my stomach hurt that he can be like that, but he has a good heart, its confusing. Too me he, acts like a thug, and that he turns me off more than anything by trying to get sex rudely like you hear or see in hip-hop music. I do like some music, Im not trying to insault anyone who listens to it, more so the beat of the music than what the lyrics are saying, ho', biatch, nigga, and explicit rude language. But that is rude and offensive I believe for almost all women ( i'd hope ). I am hoping i can get some suggestions on making this work out, cause I do also believe it could be a 'deal breaker'... and I really want to try for the familys sake.

It sounds like you have been trying, but do you feel that he really has?

When you say he's trying to be more romantic does it seem like he's really trying, do you feel that he's sincerely do this romantic thing to make you feel loved and appreciated OR do you get the feeling that he's just doing it to shut you up for a little while.
I've seen plenty of guys whose idea of "trying" is actually the latter of the two. I hope this isn't the case for you.

If you feel like he has been trying then maybe there is some hope for you two.
But if not...
Why would you want to stay with someone who disrespects you like that? I don't think you should settle AT ALL, and least of all for someone who just thinks of you as a hoe or sex slave.
If he's truly been clockworked oranged by hip hop music, then you're going to have a hard time getting through to him.

Unfortunetly, I think you may have already seen the most romantic bone in his body.

[bubbles]

my update

Well my approach from the last time i posted was not giving him anything... i know that sounds cold, but i had to show him that if he wants it he has to "be nice, respectful to get it". So for awhile he just stopped trying or would say something like "why bother even asking, i know what the answer will be". Till one day he was asking (he works nights, 11pm) about 9 ish "please" so I said "when a bubble bath is drawn with a glass of wine beside it, sure"!. So he did it, and i relaxed in the tub, and it was very nice.... when i got out of the tub to go to the bedroom, he had lit candles all over. (wow, was i ever in shock) Then he had massage oil and gave me a massage to start off the foreplay..... Huh, who woulda thought he had that in him!!! ..... well now that I know he has somewhat of romance in him, I hope he can keep it up! The next time, he drew me a bath and i gave him a massage...

[sourpuss]

Well my approach from the last time i posted was not giving him anything... i know that sounds cold, but i had to show him that if he wants it he has to "be nice, respectful to get it". So for awhile he just stopped trying or would say something like "why bother even asking, i know what the answer will be". Till one day he was asking (he works nights, 11pm) about 9 ish "please" so I said "when a bubble bath is drawn with a glass of wine beside it, sure"!. So he did it, and i relaxed in the tub, and it was very nice.... when i got out of the tub to go to the bedroom, he had lit candles all over. (wow, was i ever in shock) Then he had massage oil and gave me a massage to start off the foreplay..... Huh, who woulda thought he had that in him!!! ..... well now that I know he has somewhat of romance in him, I hope he can keep it up! The next time, he drew me a bath and i gave him a massage...

YAY! Success! That's great bubbles.