[naturallyfab87]

Hey everyone,

Okay so lately my husband and I have been having some issues trying to spicen up our sex life. Recently I had a conversation with him which was a little irritating but what ever... He was telling me that he thinks we are having issues because we are not having sex at least 4-5 times a week. Now listen we have a son who is 17 months, I work M-F 8 hours each day, taking care of a sick mom, and have to keep my own household together so yes by the time i hit the bed I am extremely tired I mean how can you blame me. Also finances are not so great because i am the only one working. :-( So how is it possible for me to have the energy to have sex 4-5 times a week with all this going on. I feel like that is tons of pressure. I thought 1-3 times was perfect for us with all the other things going on in life.

What do some of you think?

How can I go about life and still have the energy to have sex 4-5 times a week?

And how can you spicen up your sex life with a 17 month old running around?

Please any suggestions welcomed.

Thanks,
Naturallyfab87

[Stillness]

If he's not satisfied then he's not satisfied. Are you?

Going from having sex twice a week to 4-5 times would spicen things up. Get that going and figure out the variety later. Go to bed earlier instead of watching TV, playing on the internet, or whatever. Go to bed together and just do it.

[Something_Awesome]

Have him get a job to take the work load off of you? Or at least have him take care of everything around the house so there is nothing you have to do when you get home?

[effy2014]

First, men [I]always[I]identify sex as the root cause of issues in a marriage. Of course it is usually a symptom, not a cause.

Life is full of compromises and this seems like a great one to get your relationship back to where you both want it to be. You are shouldering far more of the burdens in the relationship. Perhaps, if he took a more active role in dealing with your child, taking care of your Mom and keeping the house together, you would feel more energy and more inclined to have sex. Make some trades.

In your husband's defense, your idea of the sweet spot for sex and his do not have to be the same. For me, 1-3 times a week would also be a disaster. But, I also work very hard to take away burdens from my SO. Your 17 month "running around" is an excuse, not a reason. The child goes to bed earlier than you, takes naps and can be taken care of by family for a night "in". The rest of the issues are real, but can be dealt with if he is willing to compromise more of his time to help.

Intimacy is essential for a man's emotional connection to his mate. A man who believes that his sex life is lacking or his needs ignored is more likely to wander. Both of you, communicating and working together should be able to find a solution. Seeking support for 1-3 times a week (or him seeking support for 5-6times a week) doesn't solve anything.

[atskitty2]

What is he doing while you're working and taking care of Mom and the house?

[Baboy]

naturally,

Each of the several members who have responded thus far has had something useful to say.

Perhaps you can provide a bit more detail. How long married? Mother's illness - a long-term chronic situation, or something more transient that should resolve soon? You are the only breadwinner. How long has that situation prevailed? Does your husband have a solid track record in the work world? Is his lack of employment something expected to be a brief interval "between jobs" or is his unemployment more long-term and, if so, what is he doing to rectify that?

It strikes me that the underlying problem here is not a physical inability to engage in sexual relations 4-5 times a week. Stillness is correct in saying the fix there is relatively simple - go to bed and just do it. Underlying your words is, I think, a measure of resentment about the imbalance in the relationship. You are asked to carry more of the load and, at the same time, to be thrilled about sex at the drop of a hat.

It would seem that if some of the underlying problems are addressed, the resentment will abate and the two of you will be more likely to return to a sex life that better satisfies both.

[bubba29]

Have him get a job to take the work load off of you? Or at least have him take care of everything around the house so there is nothing you have to do when you get home?

if he is not working and he wants sex that often, he should doing all he can to take as much stress and strain off your back. then maybe you will come to bed grateful and with some energy.

[Motorguy]

Hey everyone,

Okay so lately my husband and I have been having some issues trying to spicen up our sex life. Recently I had a conversation with him which was a little irritating but what ever... He was telling me that he thinks we are having issues because we are not having sex at least 4-5 times a week. Now listen we have a son who is 17 months, I work M-F 8 hours each day, taking care of a sick mom, and have to keep my own household together so yes by the time i hit the bed I am extremely tired I mean how can you blame me. Also finances are not so great because i am the only one working. :-( So how is it possible for me to have the energy to have sex 4-5 times a week with all this going on. I feel like that is tons of pressure. I thought 1-3 times was perfect for us with all the other things going on in life.

What do some of you think?

How can I go about life and still have the energy to have sex 4-5 times a week?

And how can you spicen up your sex life with a 17 month old running around?

Please any suggestions welcomed.

Thanks,
Naturallyfab87

Like a couple other people was saying here what is your husband doing while you are working. A lot of things could be done with husband doing some of the things around the house while you are working plus helping with your mom. While he is unemployed at this time. It looks like you do your full time job plus doing all the stuff around the house so you basically burn't out and exhausted when you get to bed.If he has so much sexually tension buildn't maybe he can burn it off by exercising or masturbating. Your 1 to 3 times a week is not so bad as what you doing around the house and taking care of mom it's not easy so god bless you good luck. I hope he figure it out you are not just around for the sex there's more to life then that.

[jen1447]

1-3 times vs. 4-5 times doesn't seem like an insurmountable difference. (It's basically twice or half as much, yeah, but we see a lot of people here who report incompatibilities because one partner wants it every day and the other once a month - much bigger divide.) You're the 1-3 person so let's call that 2, he's the 4-5 person so let's say 4 to round the numbers ....3 is obviously the compromise, once more for you and one time less for him. Doesn't sound like a big deal.

[effy2014]

My guess is the actual number is closer to one than 3 and the request is closer to 6 than 4.

Reminds me (if it is still within the memory of any of you) of the scene in Annie Hall (a Woody Allen movie of the 1970s) where the split screen showed the wife saying "we have sex constantly . . . probably 3 times a week" and the husband says "we hardly have sex at all . . . maybe 3 times a week". It's all perspective . . . though in the scenario given, 3 or 4 does seem to be the answer.