[jen1447]

I have a healthy respect for the scale approach Little mentioned, and I think it serves the fluidity you see in women better. The terms are just inherently problematic. Bi-curious sometimes means "have had sex with women," other times "would never have sex with women but like them," straight sometimes means "find women attractive but don't want a relationship," other times "don't find women attractive at all," etc.

The only issue I have is with dishonesty. I've had sex with women who say "You know I'm not really gay ...!" kind of embarrassed-like when we're cuddling afterward. Makes me think "okay baby but ....you just got done going down on me, how is that not gay?" lol

[Motorguy]

You're right,and you'd like to think in this day and age, the taboo aspect would be taken out by now

Oh yea Patti the Bi Taboo image has been gone for at least 15 years now. But I think more with the women side then the men side.

[kira]

If she's a 1 I'm a negative 4. lol I would put someone who has repeatedly done things with the same gender way up the scale from me. When I first got sexually active lots of stuff turned me on that I found rather confusing because when thinking about acting on it the idea was often nearly repulsive. After satisfying my sex drive with heterosexual activities I no longer have any of those urges when looking at the same gender. You'd have to pay me a substantial amount to even touch or let another woman touch me. No curiousity in the least. I will go without any type of sex for the rest of my life before I do it with the same gender. I don't have a problem with other people doing such things though. My husband tested out curiosities with other guys and I've had bi friends.

I would call someone bi if they did something more than once or twice with the same sex. I know lots of curious people try things out once and may do something with the same gender more than once in order to try out more than one thing. The ones I don't consider bi though don't do it again and settle on only wanting to be with the opposite gender. Of course you can call yourself whatever you like but just like every person has to decide where they put themselves on the scale we decide where we put other people on the scale so we can hold discussions and comparisons without tripping over every term.

[calibri~]

I'm intrigued by this thread. Depending on your definition I'd be either straigh bi-curious or bi.
Why does the label matter to people?

[Little]

People like to put things in boxes, calibri - boxes are very convenient

IMO the "taboo" against being bisexual is still out there. I am "not really bi" because I am monogamous and married to a man. As a teenager, I wasn't "really bi" because it was "just for attention." In the LGBT community I am "sitting on the fence" because I'm "not really gay." I imagine that for bisexual men it's worse because the stigma of being gay is such a public thing, whereas for women it seems to be more permissible.

Kinsey did a lot of really fun stuff. I read the bare basics about him in high school (about this scale particularly) but later read more about him in Mary Roach's book Bonk. It's been a while since I read it, but it's a book most WHers would enjoy

[jen1447]

Why does the label matter to people?

Boxes, and also in OP/Lovcookie's case, I think confusion. He may not really understand his wife's sexuality, and that makes him uncomfortable to some extent. Eliminate the uncertainty thru definitions.

(Not presuming to speak for you Lov, just surmising since you asked initially, and based on your description of events.)

[Motorguy]

People like to put things in boxes, calibri - boxes are very convenient

IMO the "taboo" against being bisexual is still out there. I am "not really bi" because I am monogamous and married to a man. As a teenager, I wasn't "really bi" because it was "just for attention." In the LGBT community I am "sitting on the fence" because I'm "not really gay." I imagine that for bisexual men it's worse because the stigma of being gay is such a public thing, whereas for women it seems to be more permissible.

Kinsey did a lot of really fun stuff. I read the bare basics about him in high school (about this scale particularly) but later read more about him in Mary Roach's book Bonk. It's been a while since I read it, but it's a book most WHers would enjoy

Well Little I think there is another stage of being Bi and that's being in a heterosexual marriage. But allowed to enjoy her bi side with other married bi women. Not something they do everyday but once in a while for that feeling being with a women.

[Lovcookie]

Trying to understand her sexuality better yes. How strong is her bi nature. Wondering if long term we are good matches as I find as time goes I find myself realizing this type of behavior will where off on me. She does attract the eyes of other woman. Her smile, voice and legs are not just magnetic for men lol. She has had a few women in her day fall in love with her.

No other women this week. Like it was the first few months I knew her. Today just her, her daughter and myself enjoying a nice sunny day. I kind of like that. Maybe I'll ask what she rates herself

[effy2014]

I'm intrigued by this thread. Depending on your definition I'd be either straigh bi-curious or bi.
Why does the label matter to people?

After reading the posts in this thread and SA's new thread about his GF's sexuality, the labels seem far more important to the observer than the person involved in the activity.

For the observer, I agree with Little's suggestion that buckets/boxes are convenient for descriptive purposes and perhaps to measure up our own sexuality. Parents who are embarrassed by their daughters sexuality have a label short of lesbian to describe her to themselves. Other women could use labels to see where they might fit. There is also a predictive nature to labels -- if she is only bi-curious, I as a male, may have a chance. Labels are an easy way for us to know (as if we have any right to know the sexuality of anyone) and for our own purposes what you are . . . a 2 though 5 gives US no good information since each person would rate thing differently (just like those pain scale numbers)

To the person involved in the "gay like" activity, the fluidity scale is far more comforting and, at times, more accurate. To answer Patti's question, the societal taboo is alive and well. Those willing to be honest with themselves can accurately report where they are in relation to the absolutes. Others will view themselves far different then their actions. Jen's lover is a perfect example. She can label herself as a 1 because she doesn't think she is even close to being a lesbian even though, when she is going down on Jen, Jen would rate her a 5.

After writing this, i tend to think that labels and scales are not particularly useful. We are not defined by any particular action and who we are may change in various situations.



For the

[jen1447]

The scales are made even more confusing by the fact that they often change over time. I think the real trick for the label-inclined is just learning to accept the lack of absolutes, whether A or B or 1 - 6.

edit - it's interesting in that there are even some days when I feel more bi or more straight, so yeah ....the number is totally fluid. Has to be.