[JonDoe]

I didnt start realizing my appreciation for women until my late twenties or early thirties. Before then I had a rather strong response to anyone suggesting I kiss a girl.

About a year ago, my wife finally shared with me that she occasionally fantasizes about a woman going down on her when I give her oral or when she is masturbating. However, the thought of her giving another woman oral repulses her. For those of you that have read many of my posts, you know that my wife is a taker, not a giver with regards to sex.

We've been married a long time, and this is the first time that she opened up. I was hoping this was an opening to reignite the spark in our relationship, but she dislikes talking about sex so much that I haven't been able to take the conversation much further. Not sure if this fantasy developed when she was younger or at a much later point in our marriage. Doubt I'll ever know.

[Something_Awesome]

Well that's interesting. Were you surprised pleasantly or not so much?

Um, I guess that to have such a thought means that you must have at least a sliver of doubt? When I imagine our marriage, I imagine nothing but bliss lol. The open relationship thing never entered my mind. Now I am a Capricorn, so we are not wired in a way to sleep around as we are quite loyal. But she is a Sagittarius and they can be quite the horn dogs.

I don't think astrology is the ultimate truth, but I believe there is some truth to it. It is true that I am loyal and she is a horn dog lol.

[effy2014]

Oh, it was like 2 a.m. when I started the topic and I forgot to include something else. My GF said that for the sake of saving our marriage she would consider having an open relationship (assuming things got stale). I did not know how to respond to that. I think I was about to spit out my drink. She said her ex (whom she thought she was going to marry) had parents that would go to swingers clubs in Brazil to keep their marriage fresh. So the husband was having sex with other women and the wife was having sex with other men.

Given your posts, I'm sure that was not an easy thing to hear.

[Something_Awesome]

Well, she said she doesn't want an open relationship... She was just speaking hypothetically. It was not a hint.

[atskitty2]

Are you planning to discuss this with her in more detail? Sounds like you are "bothered" enough that further info should be shared. Would you be OK with that some day?

It could be that she senses in herself the potential to get bored with any one person, so she's thinking ahead. Doesn't mean it will become necessary or be requested.
But talk to her more. Get all that out in the open.

[Something_Awesome]

Oh we did talk. No way I was going to want to leave that topic alone. She's grew up in a culture where men cheat. And her ex, who she was supposed to marry cheated (she walked in on it). She is super attached to me and she meant it as a way to keep us from splitting down the road. I guess brining it up now makes sense. It would probably be a more sensitive issue to bring up for the first time if things are not going well down the road.

I was just more surprised that this came from the mouth of a Pastor's daughter.

[effy2014]

Oh we did talk. No way I was going to want to leave that topic alone. She's grew up in a culture where men cheat. And her ex, who she was supposed to marry cheated (she walked in on it). She is super attached to me and she meant it as a way to keep us from splitting down the road. I guess brining it up now makes sense. It would probably be a more sensitive issue to bring up for the first time if things are not going well down the road.

I was just more surprised that this came from the mouth of a Pastor's daughter.

She is looking out for you. Give her the comfort that her for eternity will be spicy enough -- especially if she keeps slapping your balls.

[Something_Awesome]

She is looking out for you. Give her the comfort that her for eternity will be spicy enough -- especially if she keeps slapping your balls.

LMAO.... Well, I did tell her the HIV thing.... how much more committed can you get?

[Stillness]

I don't think Something's girlfriend's upbringing sounds so horrible. My stepmother-in-law does the same thing with my sister-in-law. I think her concern is not so much the other girls, but other people besides the girls, like parents, older siblings, etc. But I hadn't even considered experimentation with her peers, so that may be part of it.

Either way, my sister-in-law seems to be thriving and is very well-adjusted. I'm not saying that's THE right way. It's way better than letting her run wild without any discipline, though. Calling restrictions "brainwashing" is extreme.

Also, it doesn't sound like Something's girlfriend is having a terribly unfulfilled experience with him either.

[effy2014]

LMAO.... Well, I did tell her the HIV thing.... how much more committed can you get?

She is concerned that you will get bored with her, not that you don't love her. Her concerns are unfounded nor, based on your comments here, do you need to bring a third person into your relationship. I was just suggesting periodic reassurance.