[Motorguy]

Well some married couples enjoy having a women join them in the bedroom if the wife is bi or another man if the women husband OK watching the wife enjoy another man this is swinging.It's really not cuckolding that's not really the right term but simply a swinging life style is more like it. Some married couples like to add more spice in there bedroom this is how they do it. Now if the husband and wife are both OK with this life style then there's really not a problem in my book so no skin off my nose.

[Parallax]

You think this can work out?

Can a traditional and monogamous work out? Cuckolding/hotwifing has the same chance for failure and success as any other relationship arrangement. Like any other thing in life, you have to try it before you actually know if it will work on not.

After a 15+ years with my wife, she finally decided to venture out on her own to have an online affair, that quickly turned into an emotional and possibly a physical and sexual affair.

At first she didn't tell me, even though she knew i had been fantasizing about this my entire adult life, even prior to meeting her. I felt so betrayed when I accidentally discovered she was having this online affair behind my back. At the same time I was aroused and excited for her and myself. I was full of jealousy and rage, but once the dust settled, we had an open dialogue and set boundaries for this new found experience. My jealousy was replaced by joy and a healthy dose of sexual tension. For the past 2 weeks, we haven't been able to keep our minds and bodies from each other. The feelings of guilt and betrayal were quickly replaced by all the emotions of meeting and touching someone for the time. It has been so liberating for the both of us. She is honest with everything she does, and keeps me well informed with all the details of her emotional affair! I can't really explain this feeling, but I know at a conscious level that this is an intrinsic and natural emotion, I know this is exactly how I should be feeling. This just feels right to me. This isn't some delusional excuse i am using to allow my wife to be another man. I truly want her to be with him.

Immediately I was told that this doesn't in any way give me a free pass to be another women, and since I never had any intentions with being another women, I didn't feel like I was getting the short end of the stick. Not once, has the thought crossed my mind that if she can do it, I can do it too. My "true" fantasy is for her to be with another man, even though I have deep thoughts about other women, nothing turns me on, more than the thought of my wife having a strong connection with another man, nothing even remotely comes close.

My wife and I are at great time in our life to allow us the opportunity to explore new lifestyle, and hopefully this can be a long term activity. Had this happened a few years ago, I think our marriage would be dissolved. Timing is everything. I don't see myself as a full out cuckold, I am not submissive, I am dominate, I take and work for what belongs to me. I don't take orders well, and never will. I don't have any issues with insecurity or the feeling that I am entitled to this because I have provided and will continue to provide for our family. I definitely will not accept being humiliated, compared or chastised in or outside of our bedroom by my wife. She wants to explore this new found experience, she is doing it in a safe and non disruptive way. All the power to her.

She has my full support, and I have given her full leeway to proceed in any way she wants. There is no pressure or time table for what she is doing. In fact, if she wanted to end her affair tomorrow, I wouldn't be disappointed because at the end of the day, this is her body and emotions at stake. She has total authority of this situation.

I think the most important aspect of this experience is the honesty factor. If your relationship is not built with honesty and trust at its foundation, no arrangement, traditional or not is going to work no matter how much you desire it to.

[effy2014]

After a 15+ years with my wife, she finally decided to venture out on her own to have an online affair, that quickly turned into an emotional and possibly a physical and sexual affair.

Why did she find the need to go outside your marriage?

It has been so liberating for the both of us. She is honest with everything she does, and keeps me well informed with all the details of her emotional affair! I can't really explain this feeling, but I know at a conscious level that this is an intrinsic and natural emotion, I know this is exactly how I should be feeling. This just feels right to me. This isn't some delusional excuse i am using to allow my wife to be another man. I truly want her to be with him.

How has this liberated you, and from what? It is hard to see how happiness and exhilaration is an intrinsic and natural emotion from betrayal.

I was told that this doesn't in any way give me a free pass to be another women, and since I never had any intentions with being another women, I didn't feel like I was getting the short end of the stick. Not once, has the thought crossed my mind that if she can do it, I can do it too.

I think the most important aspect of this experience is the honesty factor. If your relationship is not built with honesty and trust at its foundation, no arrangement, traditional or not is going to work no matter how much you desire it to.

In my view, the "you don't get the same rights I do" makes it a pure cuckhold relationship. You may not want to have an emotional affair now, but you may in the future. What gives her the right to make those rules?

As for honesty -- she was not honest in the beginning. I do not understand this arrangement in the least -- you revel in the fact that your wife has found another man with whom she has both an emotional and physical attachment.

[Baboy]

Parallax, I suppose you deserve some credit for being able to to put a positive spin on a significant act of betrayal.

I see the merit in not upsetting the applecart and in using the revelation of the affair as a catalyst for dialogue with your wife and the exploration of new possibilities.

Effy's questions are ones I would ask. I share effy's uneasiness with the "you don't get the same rights I do" aspect of your new-found arrangement. You say you were told immediately no free pass for you. The classic "don't do as I do, do as I say". Perhaps that strikes some chord with you. Perhaps you want to be "put in your place" and treated unequally. Some of what you say, and your acquiescence in the new regime, is difficult to square with your comments about being dominant and not taking orders.

I also see not a scintilla of merit in the arrangement, but then I am looking at it through the eyes of someone who is fiercely monogamous, "vanilla" to the core (if not skim milk, as honorable member effy has described himself), and for whom the situation in which you have found yourself would, in all likelihood, mark the denouement of the relationship.

As a footnote, permit me to add that I find your username "Parallax" entirely appropriate to the situation at hand. We seem to be looking at the same thing, along two different lines of sight, and seeing things quite differently.

Further, accept that I am not intending to be disparaging of your relationship with your wife or how you interact with her. That it would be anathema to me counts for nothing. What matters most is that you are no longer being fooled, as you were at first. You made the discovery and you have accepted. Equally what matters is that you are accepting of the new status quo, indeed, inspired by it. If such be your true feelings, then all is well. You say you at first felt rage, but you have now arrived at a détente through open communication and your relationship has entered a new and exciting era. It's not my place to tell you you should not be happy.

[Parallax]

Q1
She went outside the marriage, because she accidentally stumbled upon it on craiglist. She didn't know what was involved. She didn't see any harm in reading and just talking to guys. Put it this way, if she wanted to cheat on me earlier, she could of done it years ago when we first went out. My marriage is far from perfect, but isn't really a catalyst for what she did. she was probably bored one day at home and decided to have some fun. can't blame when she is in heat.

Q2
I did not get the feelings of happiness from betrayal. Sorry for any confusion. the happy feeling deriving from finally having my wife possibly even considering being with a man is very natural for me.

Q3
I can't always get what i want in life, there are times when you have to compromise or make sacrifices in life to get a part of what you truly desire. however in my case, i am so thrilled with the fantasy of hotwifing that any other fantasy comes in a distant second. I come from a programming background, and everything in my mind, derives from a decision tree. I am getting my most optimum fantasy coming to reality, there is nothing else that can fully get my juices running. As for my wife, she is the jealous type and can't stand it even when i unintentionally flirt with other women. Under no circumstance would she ever allow me to be with someone else, and since she is soul mate and the person that i most desire, i have to take into account her jealous and play by her rules. It would be different if it was a non rational rule, like i can't see my family on my own terms or play golf, then it becomes a control issue.

She wasn't honest because this was her first time, she was as confused as I was. She even said that it was too much for her and ended her emotional affair after realising that it was getting out of hand. It was causing tension and all these mixed emotions within our family that she rather not do it any more. Lucky for me, we had a heart to heart and are taking it slow. Like I mentioned before, we didn't know what to expect.

My fantasy was to see her with another man, but I wasn't prepared for all the emotional and logistical challenges that we had to deal with. This isn't as simple as, lets go get an ice cream at the grocery store and smear it all our selves. First you have to find a "bull", then she has to establish some sort of relationship. She doesn't want to bed anyone, there are requirements, and we also consider our career and family and the challenges that presented. The bull had to involved with some else, so that there was some skin on the line by both parties. Not to mention the natural highs and lows of a new relationship, jealousy, denial.

My wife couldn't understand why i was so turned on by the thought of another man being with her. When we had sex before she would get kind of turned on as well, but not to my extent. In fact, she probably still doesn't fully understand it. I think in her mind, this is something she hasn't done before, it is way for her to escape to her fantasy world, and still be safe knowing that I will be there waiting. Her fantasy is also safe in the sense that she doesn't have to deal with real life drama from her bull and he doesn't have to deal with hers. The thing about fantasies, obsessions and fetishes is it is very difficult for others to put themselves into your shoes. Some people can't understand why others like to travel, golf or exercise so much. Even something that is socially acceptable or mainstream, can be difficult to explain to the non involved.

[Baboy]

Thanks Parallax for the added detail and answers to effy's questions.

Q1
The thing about fantasies, obsessions and fetishes is it is very difficult for others to put themselves into your shoes. Some people can't understand why others like to travel, golf or exercise so much. Even something that is socially acceptable or mainstream, can be difficult to explain to the non involved.

You expressed yourself quite nicely there. If you and your wife are happy with where things are at, then enjoy it!

[Parallax]

don't do as I do, do as I say

I can relate to what you are saying, i never had any siblings but i would image this would have to same sentiment knowing that someone who is suppose to be treated equally as you, might get some special exceptions to the rule or preferential treatment. it is very common to question why am i treated unfairly?

Quick answer is - life is not fair.

Long Answer to my situation - at my job I am dealing with a subordinate who is consistently late and takes massive washroom breaks, 30 mins each time, twice a day, i have another subordinate who is never late, and will do anything i ask anytime to the best of his abilities. Truth is, if i had to take one or the other, it would stand with logic to pick the latter fellow. However, i would take major **** guy over the other guy because he is simply better at his job. Even with his short comings, his positives are so high, that I can turn a blind eye. Point is, everyone is different, and sometime reality takes over logic.

My fetish is seeing my wife with another man, we all know that by now, i wish i could use some sort of acronym for that statement I would love to go around and bed another women, or 2 or more. I can confidently say i could find one in 30 mins no problems to be with, but that would mean sacrificing my ultimate goal. I am not being put into my place, i am merely taking over the situation. My wife is so good at everything else in our relationship, and if it means I have to faithful then I will continue to do so even if she decides to not full fill my "dark" fantasy. So having her see another man doesn't change the fact that I still need to be faithful her in our marriage. Those are her expectations, and I intend to keep them.

Furthermore, our existing relationship was and will continue to get stronger. This "affair" of her is not meant to fill a void but merely fill the gaps within our relationship and our own feelings, desires and fantasies. I am not naive to think that even prior to this discovery that my wife wouldn't only fantasise about me or not found other men attractive. Only difference now, is she has my blessing to discover in a controlled fashion how it would be like with another man.

[Baboy]

Sounds like you have a pretty good grip on things, P. I hope all continues to go well for you.

[Parallax]

Sounds like you have a pretty good grip on things, P. I hope all continues to go well for you.

thanks for the kind words, hopefully I can contain myself when the wife gets to be with another man

[Baboy]

thanks for the kind words, hopefully I can contain myself when the wife gets to be with another man

If it would help, perhaps on that momentous occasion, we could have a small contingent of esteemed WH members standing by, sort of like a silent chorus in a Greek tragedy, to help keep things under control.