[sickles91]

Here's my dilemma. My husband wants to bring other women into the bedroom; he wants a threesome or for me to just watch him with another woman. He doesn't want this to be just a one-time thing either. Im just not comfortable with it. Let me give you a little background info...
At this time Im dealing with a lot. Last year I got an infection in my blood from an abscessed tooth. The infection had made a home in my hip, thigh, and knee and had to have multiple surgeries to rid my body of it. Because of the infection, my hip joint is shot and i need a hip replacement. I havent been able to walk on my own since last August. We still have an active sex life though. We have figured out positions that work for us, but I cant be as active in bed as he or I would like to be. We have sex at least once a day, we might skip one here and there, but it still isnt enough for him. Ive tried "spicing things up" but maybe im not doing enough?
Anyway, on top of having a bad hip and having to use a crutch and wheelchair, Im pregnant (Due Dec 26th). I really am dealing with a lot myself, but i still try my best to make him happy any way I can.
So to get to the point, we fight a lot about this "swinging" idea. He wants it so bad and I cant bring myself to be on the same page as him. I want to make him happy and compromise but with whats going on with me, I just cant. The loss of my mobility completely affected my self-esteem and the pregnancy only makes it harder to feel comfortable. I had a hard time opening myself up to him after I got sick. I just dont understand how he could think I would be comfortable with another person added into it. I cant bring myself to just watch him either. He told me the other day that I satisfy him mentally, emotionally, etc but just not physically. So the thought of him being satisfied by another woman really hurts. I try my hardest to make things better in the bedroom. My effort obviously isnt working. So what do i do? Just give in so hes happy and risk my own happiness and state of mind? Or stick to my guns and just continue to push him away?

[bubba29]

sounds like an ************** to me.

does he want to swing for variety sake or does he want to swing because he is not getting what he needs from you? you are obviously going through some very rough health issues. he needs to be supportive of you and know that you will get better with time and sex will get better when you are healthy. make him aware that there is a light at the end of the tunnel and you know things will be fun when you get there. in the meantime, buy him some good sex toys, tell him to be patient, and work as much as you can on getting healthy.

[sickles91]

From what he has said to me, he's not getting enough from me right now. I have told him that "things will get better once I get my hip replaced" His response? "Thats why I want to do this now, because we wont need to when youre better". He also feels like he missed out on being"crazy" because he is only 20 and is married.

[bubba29]

From what he has said to me, he's not getting enough from me right now. I have told him that "things will get better once I get my hip replaced" His response? "Thats why I want to do this now, because we wont need to when youre better". He also feels like he missed out on being"crazy" because he is only 20 and is married.

that is his own fault regarding getting married early....learn top deal with it. it's great he feels comfortable enough to be honest with you but he is being very selfish. question is, would you EVER be interested in swinging when you are better? would you be OK with being with another man while he is with another woman? would he be OK with you being with another man?

[atskitty2]

At best, he's being insensitive & selfish. The comment about doing it now, because you won't NEED to when you're healed is very revealing, if you think about it. You're giving more than I would under similar circumstances, and he's terribly ungrateful for your efforts & trying to take advantage of you.
How long have you been married? Are you also early twenties?

[sickles91]

I would be interested in it once I get full mobility back and can do in bed what I used to be able to do. (It's hard to feel comfortable and sexy when you can't move much and have arthritis pain). I would be comfortable with another man while he was with a woman, but I don't necessarily get super turned on by the idea either. I dont feel like I need another man to sexually satisfy me but I would still be intrigued.. Ive asked him how he would feel if a man was involved, He said, "if it was a man and woman involved with us yeah, but not a threesome with me and another guy." What does that say to you?

[sickles91]

We're newlyweds and yes, I'm 22. We have been together only over a year but we knew we were meant to be together. We have never butted heads like this before, we have always been able to talk things out and compromise. We prided ourselves on having good communication. I think the stress of marriage, baby, and my handicap is starting to take its toll on the both of us..

[DreamP346]

I am hoping some of the swingers on this forum will also response.

Swinging is a wonderful experience for couples with a healthy sex life that have open communication and understanding about each other's needs and understand what the boundaries are. It is not a solution for an existing problem, which in your case is your husband not getting enough sex. That is a sure way for heading towards disaster. You can't bully somebody into swinging (as your husband is clearly trying to do) and you can't engage in it if there are current unresolved issues.

Also, your husband's behavior is very telling about the person he is. He had a lot of growing up to do. Basically he wants to substitute you every time something comes ups. So if you are in the hospital, he will just find a replacement wife until you get better. If you break your arm, he will just find another woman to cook for him. If you loose your job, he will just find another woman to make more money. But that's OK. Because as soon as you get to your old self, he will come running back to you. What happens when you get old, start putting on a few pounds, get sick, go through menopause? Is he going to find a replacement till you get back to your old self again?

[effy2014]

Here's my dilemma. My husband wants to bring other women into the bedroom ********** So what do i do? Just give in so hes happy and risk my own happiness and state of mind? Or stick to my guns and just continue to push him away?

For goodness sake, stick to your guns. If you drive him away, you are the better for it. I admit that I am a huge fan of monogamy, but even swingers will say that it has to be a completely willing relationship. Pressuring your spouse to be a swinger is not acceptable.

Your husband is acting like an immature person -- and the fact that he is 20 just confirms it. He has a sick and pregnant wife, who nonetheless is having sex with him one a day, and he whines that he is not satisfied and wants to have sex with other women. But you can watch. When you say that you are uncomfortable, he keeps insisting. His actions show a complete lack of respect for you and the lack of any compassion for your condition or feelings. In additions, he dishonors you even though you are carrying his baby. And you feel that you were meant to be with him?

Frankly, he does not want to swing, he wants a cheating pass. I would be more concerned about what this means for the future. When the going gets tough -- when you have kids, a mortgage, a real job and he has to be a provider, a father and a husband, what will he do? Cut and run? Take as many lovers as possible? I don't think you knew enough about him before marriage and now you see how he reacts to adversity.

[Baboy]

I was going to stay out of this thread, because I could think of nothing encouraging to say.

I now feel bound to say that I am in complete agreement with effy.

As I see it, you will have to cave in to your husband's desire to swing, and sacrifice your own happiness, or be prepared for him to cheat, regularly. Ordinarily I try not to be too pessimistic. In this case I see no reason for optimism for the long term.