[Claret]

Not a psychologist here but I'm seeing something regarding the religious overtones of what you are saying. Perhaps there is a deep-seated fear of your religion and your relationship with your God and/or your upbringing that told you sex outside of marriage is "unpure" and that this may be a way of punishing yourself for having sex. The thing with deep seated fears is that often-times they don't really make a lot of sense on the surface of things and they seemingly in a rational conversation wouldn't arise as a fear -- it would be just something you do.

Let us know if you think you have any unresolved religious issues centering around sex. Let us know if you have family issues that would impact how you are feeling about this as well.

If you think because you are enjoying the sex that you need to be punished, then it makes a whole lot of sense.

[effy2014]

I get what Elizabeth is expressing. A lot of Type A personality people in the work world love to be dominated in bed. Handing over control and being forced (in a role play context) into doing "dirty stuff" (usually nothing more than a "forced" BJ or sex bent over a table or licking feet etc). Its not the actions but the being dominated and forced that creates the degradation. I don't think there are any deep psychological issues. Just having fun

[Magnetism]

If a couple enjoys what they're doing and nobody is "forced" or being hurt, I don't see the problem.

I used to also wonder if there was a psychological issue behind my sexual preferences, but I don't care anymore.

[effy2014]

I used to also wonder if there was a psychological issue behind my sexual preferences, but I don't care anymore.

I was a bit freaked out when my SO wanted me to play rougher. She had been physically abused in one relationship and raped in another when she was in her teens. There were so many questions floating around in my brain. The great thing about a relationship in which there is open communication, I could ask them all. Turns out her past had nothing to do with it . . . she felt safe to explore. As you write, sometimes the why isn't important. It just heightens the sexual pleasure.