[thisperson]

Last night, I noticed my boyfriend's head was up, instead of down when we were having sex. He was acting different than usual, making different noises etc. I turned around and saw that he was having sex with me while watching a porn, without telling me. I immediately broke into tears. He was at first rude about it, telling me that guys do stuff like that all the time. I'm hurt and confused because I've been working out a lot, I'm 120 lbs, 5'6, blonde and people find my attractive (I'm not trying to boast, I just think it's important to note that I'm not in a phase where I'm letting it go and gaining weight.) Before we had that "sex" last night, he was about to go into the bathroom to masturbate, and I wanted to have sex, so I stopped him and told him we should do it. He said he was too impatient to wait for me to finish sending my email (1 minute later….) and went back into the bathroom. Why did my boyfriend want to masturbate when I wanted to have sex? Usually he complains about me never initiating sex, or me never being horny enough. He's way hornier than me, but we have sex usually once a day! How could I be horny if I'm getting enough sex. I know I'm introducing a lot of issues here - but my main question is, should i be really really hurt and upset that he watched porn secretly while we were having sex? Why do I feel unattractive and insufficient all of the sudden? Isn't it sh********ty that he didn't ask me if he could watch porn during sex, and just went and did it? When he's having sex with me, he should be thinking about me, right? I feel very unsexy and useless. Advice?

[Stillness]

I've heard a lot about sneaking and viewing pornography, but never during the act. I'm hesitant to say that people don't do it because I learn all the time that people do all sorts of things that seem odd to me. I don't even understand how it's possible.

I don't know how to answer your poll. I just know that "Guys do stupid things." is wrong. It's not wrong in the sense that it's false, but in the sense that it's a poor excuse.

[Gary7]

My wife and I use porn regularly as part of sex. I've seen her watching it while I'm "acting" on her and I've done the same thing. The only thing that bothers me about what you wrote is that he seemed to be trying to sneak it in. While it's not always easy, things that go on in the bedroom should be discussed in advance if there's any chance of hurt feelings.

On the other hand, you are taking it a bit too personally. The use of porn by most men isn't a personal thing. I can honestly say that I've never compared my wife to a woman in porn and thought I wish I had her instead of my wife. It's more a fantasy and to add a little spice to your sex life, and to perhaps break up the routine a bit.

[atskitty2]

I think based on this and your other post, you're incompatible sexually at this time in your lives.

[Stillness]

On the other hand, you are taking it a bit too personally.

I think her issue is the way he's using it as opposed to just the fact that he is. He can't wait a couple of minutes for her when he's getting it every day and then tries to sneak while they're having sex. There's something wrong there.

We watched pornography together too, before we were married. Our relationship feels a lot cleaner since we stopped.

[effy2014]

While I have a difficult time picturing how one can secretly watch porn and have sex, I can understand your reaction.

First, I agree with Gary that it has nothing to do with your looks. He is not watching porn to compare you to the actresses. I don't know anyone who watches porn for that reason.

However, the fact that he didn't ask you to watch with him while the two of you were having sex, does point to some possible issues. He may be having erectile issues and thinks that he needs the porn to stay erect. He may be too embarrassed to talk about it with you (and be worried that you would take it personally, which you did). The masterbation is also a clue -- he can keep himself erect for the short time it takes to cum via masterbation but not for sex.

As with any relationship issue, it is critical that the two of you talk about it. Not in an accusatory manner, but a conversation out of the bedroom in which you can be empathetic and not get him defensive. Maybe he will be honest with you and talk.

[AshleyAndPaul]

If it was just watching porn during a relationship, then it would be true for most men. Guys keep watching porn, even during a relationship. Myself and Ashley have a great sex life, but sometimes, when she ain't around for a couple of days, I surf to my fav porn sites like pornhub and (Edit link by Mod) It's only natural.

However, your guy was watching porn during the act. I don't think that's normal at all and and it's a total lack of respect towards you. You should ask him, how you can spice up your sexlife?

Communicate

[Lexhill]

What, wait, how is that possible. As many others here I struggle with how it is possible. But I do also kinda think that he have to have known that he would get caught. Therefor I am thinking he might be trying to send a message. I don't understand how he could ever think he could be watching porn while having sex without getting caught.

And as other people say. Do not take this personally. It is something dumb he did that shows a complete disrespect to you. I would ask if there where anything he was trying to achieve by this behavior. And maybe get some perspective to why he could not tell you before the action.

I do use porn as well but for the purpose of visual stimulation when my wife is not there, because I struggle to maintain a sexy picture in my head. The other is for ideas and fantasies. But then again I would never ever ditch my wife for doing it my self or porn. The only time I would think of using porn with my wife, is if we watch it together as a foreplay. As for doing it my self is only if my wife is not in the mood, or as a teaser to get her in the mood.

So the actions I would look at is the can't wait thing and him using porn behind you when he knows he will get caught.

[raindancer]

So, do you think the way a man behaves should change if his partner isn't pretty, and/or puts on weight?

Men and women who are "ugly" (beauty is in the eye of the beholder) and/or obese may have great love and sex lives with understanding and dialogue. Some good looking people may have awful love/sex lives. It isn't about beauty.

I don't know why he was looking at porn, but if I had to guess, I'd say he's into more kinky stuff than what you are currently doing. Should you change to please him? I think it's a mistake to try to please the perhaps-unpleasable. Unless you also want more than what you're doing.

The fact is that only his watching porn during sex has already hurt you. Your natural reaction was to be hurt. You aren't right, nor wrong. It was a genuine reaction. We are who we are.

Think of all the things happening and decide if your relationship is sustainable. Is it good for you, or is it mining your self-esteem?

[Motorguy]

Last night, I noticed my boyfriend's head was up, instead of down when we were having sex. He was acting different than usual, making different noises etc. I turned around and saw that he was having sex with me while watching a porn, without telling me. I immediately broke into tears. He was at first rude about it, telling me that guys do stuff like that all the time. I'm hurt and confused because I've been working out a lot, I'm 120 lbs, 5'6, blonde and people find my attractive (I'm not trying to boast, I just think it's important to note that I'm not in a phase where I'm letting it go and gaining weight.) Before we had that "sex" last night, he was about to go into the bathroom to masturbate, and I wanted to have sex, so I stopped him and told him we should do it. He said he was too impatient to wait for me to finish sending my email (1 minute later….) and went back into the bathroom. Why did my boyfriend want to masturbate when I wanted to have sex? Usually he complains about me never initiating sex, or me never being horny enough. He's way hornier than me, but we have sex usually once a day! How could I be horny if I'm getting enough sex. I know I'm introducing a lot of issues here - but my main question is, should i be really really hurt and upset that he watched porn secretly while we were having sex? Why do I feel unattractive and insufficient all of the sudden? Isn't it sh****************ty that he didn't ask me if he could watch porn during sex, and just went and did it? When he's having sex with me, he should be thinking about me, right? I feel very unsexy and useless. Advice?

Well Thisperson why do you feel this way if this is the only problem is he watching porn. How about saying hey you like to watch this lets watch it together see what is reaction will be. Me and wife watch porn together all the time we have for many years and 27 years of marriage. I am consider a expert on the topic along with wife. We only do it because it adds to the whole love making for us as it can gets us into the mood and we will make comments on it as well. So if you think porn is gross you not doing anything different then what is being done in the porn movie. So just tell boy friend to grab the lap top watch it together he will not want to sneak watching it anymore without you knowing you are all good with it. I really don't think this is a real problem now if he was going out dating other women then yes you have problems there but him watch porn is not a problem I am sorry but it's not. But if you already have kids together please lock the door to your bedroom for safety concerns with kids.