[C]

I'm sorry if anything I said was out of line for this board - it's just that you mentioned that you wished you'd tried it, and that you saw your age as an insurmountable obstacle to this end, so I thought I'd educate you on the reality of the situation. I shouldn't have done that.

Anon: I swear this did not bother me, it is the kids watching that I was thinking about.....I am well past the age to be scandalized....

I wish, I wish, I wish, I wish. But my days of wishing are gone. WhenI think of my days of long ago, I did pretty good and ended up with my sailor.....Years from now when you age, you will look back and say, I did that and shock yourself. Sometimes I wonder how I ever grew to be this old with all the chances in life....

Again no problem here....I kind of like being educated by youth.......it is like learning a new part of yourself.....TC, C

[LadyLane]

Anon, I wasn't yelling, I preferred caps to bold text to drive home a point, so you can stop patting yourself on the back.

What I meant when I said thank god you aren't my child is that you seem to view parents as the enemy, people from a foreign planet who could only dictate and not relate to you. That's sad.

My girlfriend used to say this to me all the time when she had children and I didn't yet, and it drove me crazy, but I am more than happy to share: Unless you have children, which you don't, you have no idea what I'm talking about.

Thanks Caroline, for the props. I know you know where I'm coming from.

Little, I am talking about surveillance for the good and safety of my child only. And what I mean is not that I don't trust my child, I don't trust what the internet could bring into her life. I would never spy - she would know, flat out, this is what your father and I are going to do on your computer and this is why, etc. What she'll learn to hide from me will be a whole different story - I hid stuff from my parents. Who knows what technology will be around in ten years, when she's fourteen? This whole conversation may be moot.

But when you have kids, you change. You just do, its organic. Someone looks at your child the wrong way and you turn into a tigress with newborn cubs. Its visceral.

misskitty, you hit the nail right on the head of all the things I was trying to say. I just get too wordy and emotional.

[anonymouswhitefemale]

Anon, I wasn't yelling, I preferred caps to bold text to drive home a point, so you can stop patting yourself on the back.

*stops mid pat* - I just thought it was quite funny, as it was basically exactly the way parents talk to patronize/lecture etc.

What I meant when I said thank god you aren't my child is that you seem to view parents as the enemy, people from a foreign planet who could only dictate and not relate to you. That's sad.

I do think that parents can relate to you. I also know, that if you approached parents with many problems, you'll wind up in a worse state than you were in before. They might help you with that situation, if that's what you need, but you'll suffer for it.

My girlfriend used to say this to me all the time when she had children and I didn't yet, and it drove me crazy, but I am more than happy to share: Unless you have children, which you don't, you have no idea what I'm talking about.

I suppose there is that old chestnut, you've never done it so how could you know....

I am talking about surveillance for the good and safety of my child only. And what I mean is not that I don't trust my child, I don't trust what the internet could bring into her life.

So where exactly does this 'surveillance' draw the line? Is it just reading their myspace to check for suspicious old guys, is it reading the emails that your child is sending and is sent by their friends? You're right though, the internet isn't trustworthy, and you'd be a bad parent for allowing a person under 18 (or so) their own internet connection.

Anyway, the mothers that go through their childrens rooms, and act likie prison guards are the mothers that are hated and feared by their children - exactly why they don't go to them about issues.

That's all I've been trying to say and I'm not wrong.

[LadyLane]

I'm not sure what kind of problems you mean when you say you'd be worse off approaching your parents. A girl who's cutting herself? In an abusive relationship? A boy with a drug problem? A child being bullied?
In those instances, which are the ones that come to my mind, how is the child suffer for reaching out?

And wouldn't you want your child coming to you with a problem, you who has wisdom and life experience, rather than them going to their peers, who don't (usually) have the insight or the experience necessary to help them?

[anonymouswhitefemale]

I'm not sure what kind of problems you mean when you say you'd be worse off approaching your parents. A girl who's cutting herself? In an abusive relationship? A boy with a drug problem? A child being bullied?
In those instances, which are the ones that come to my mind, how is the child suffer for reaching out?

Bullying: tell your parents, they tell school, school tells other parents, other boy gets beaten up by his dad again, and next day you go to school you get a brick in your face.

Drugs: "mum, I feel a bit ****, I've been drinking and smoking cannabis" - get slammed for disobeying rules, doing drugs, don't you understand what you're doing to yourself? I don't care if your friends do it, if you do it again you're dead. etc.

As for the abusive relationship and cutting yourself, MAYBE you could talk to your parents about that, as effectively you need to be protected, not disciplined.

And wouldn't you want your child coming to you with a problem, you who has wisdom and life experience, rather than them going to their peers, who don't (usually) have the insight or the experience necessary to help them?

I definately would, which would be why I wouldn't be acting like a tyranical snooping and authoritarian parent.

[alibaby]

...I definately would, which would be why I wouldn't be acting like a tyranical snooping and authoritarian parent.

I will always feel that I have to look out for my children's best interests and I'm human, so they know that if they've been warned not to do certain things and they do them anyway, I will find out and I'll be on their cases and I may be upset, but just for the moment, not forever. So if that's what a tyrannical, snooping and authoritarian parent is, then I guess I'm a member of the club. What caring parent doesn't have a bit of all of these qualities? I know that some exhibit them in a stronger fashion than others, but we're really not all so bad. On the otherside, you're right...what kid wants to come home and tell their parents that they're having 'issues'? That's why parents need to exhibit those 'qualities'.

[anonymouswhitefemale]

Don't get me wrong, never have I said that it's wrong to want what's best for your children. There is a happy boundry however to be found between letting your children live, and instilling a figurehead of protection and doom over their heads. I've said that I wouldn't endager my children to the internet at a young age at all, which is a step further than it seems you guy's'd go, but I wouldn't put a GPS on their phone or read the emails they get from their friends. It's a recipe for a hate filled family and a minorly psychologically disturbed child.

Everyone should want to do what's best for their kids, I'm not saying otherwise. I just think that careful thought needs to go into what's the best, without overprotection.

[xo_shavonn]

As far as kids growing up. It must be hell. Living with the mess of the world. How do they plan a future?

It's not hard for everyone. Not every teenager is some sex crazed kid who does drugs and ends up ruining their life. I lost my virginity at the age of 16 which i still think was a HUGE mistake. But it's my mistake and there's no need for adults to assume just becuase you're sexually active before you're married or considered "old enough." Honestly i have sex pretty much everyday. I dont think im a bad person for it. Not every teenager lives a life full of drugs, gangs, sex, and everything else that makes adults feel like the youth is going down hill pretty quickly.

I myself. I think i am a wonderful teenager. As everyone says the world is pushing drugs and many other terrible things on us; i say no. Sure dont get me wrong there are plenty of young girls and boys my age who fit the description of these so called sex crazed teens. I just graduated from high school less than a year ago; i am 19; i work 2 great jobs (1. as a medical assistant and 2. as receptionist everyother weekend); i own a brand new car which i worked for every cent i spent on it. i am still in school becuase i plan on making my future even better than my life is now. Im not trying to brag about how great i am and prove you all wrong.

I just want you guys to know..... not every kid is ruining theyre life by having sex. not every teenager watches people do drugs on tv and decides "hmmm maybe i should go smoke some weed now because it looks cool." The world is not coming to an end just becuase a few teen's are doing not so good things. Last time i checked theres many adults much worse off than us kids.

[Little]

I'm 19, in college, working part-time, not given a cent by my parents, never did any type of drugs, don't drink often, and am in a healthy sexual relationship with my boyfriend.
And I started this thread to outline to other posters why we, the fortunate and educated in sexuality, should respond to the questions of younger girls and teens without prejudice towards their age.
Not to bash my peer group.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

who's to say?

When i was 11, i grew breats. When i was 13 i had my first period. In those days, we didn't have sex education and my mother only said, sex hurts. So in today's age, who's to say that some of these teenager's parents are the same as ours? That they don't teach anything, and the child/woman gets going and doesn't know from there what to do. If they can't talk to their Mother, they have no sister, can't talk to a doctor, who are they meant to talk to, young friends that no no more than they do? Good for them, i say for trying to find answers. That shows maturity in my books.

And, i still spell wrong sometimes, it's not about brains in that area, as i am a business woman and own several properties, so i must be ok.

We are who we are, we can not and should not be good at everything in life, just keep learning.

My thoughts.