[titangirl]

I've been married for 10 years. I just turned 40 and all things considered look great. My hubby & I have recently revved up our sex life (like when we were in our 20's). Recently I've found that he is spending late night hours online looking at the same porn star again and again. It's like he's become obsessed with her. I let it go for awhile but couldn't take it anymore. When I got upset about it he did his usual tactic of turning it around like I'm the one who is being ridiculous. I tried to tell him that I feel like I have to compete with a 24 year old wh***. No matter how good I look, I'll never look like that again (not after having 2 kids and breastfeeding).

Am I wrong for getting upset? Years ago we had agruements about this same thing. I just can't stand it. It makes me feel betrayed. All the effort I do to stay looking good and keeping him satisfied and I feel like it doesn't matter because that is what he'd rather look at.

Your opinions please (girls and guys)

[rcoreyus]

Opinion from a guy:

I don't have any particular objection to people watching porn, but if he is ignoring you to watch it, or it is taking time away from you, that is a BIG problem.

If he is only looking at porn when you are not available, I am less concerned. I don't think he is comparing you to the fake people in the movies.

[commonsense]

I've been married for 10 years. I just turned 40 and all things considered look great. My hubby & I have recently revved up our sex life (like when we were in our 20's). Recently I've found that he is spending late night hours online looking at the same porn star again and again. It's like he's become obsessed with her. I let it go for awhile but couldn't take it anymore. When I got upset about it he did his usual tactic of turning it around like I'm the one who is being ridiculous. I tried to tell him that I feel like I have to compete with a 24 year old wh***. No matter how good I look, I'll never look like that again (not after having 2 kids and breastfeeding).

Am I wrong for getting upset? Years ago we had agruements about this same thing. I just can't stand it. It makes me feel betrayed. All the effort I do to stay looking good and keeping him satisfied and I feel like it doesn't matter because that is what he'd rather look at.

Your opinions please (girls and guys)

He should care that it's upsetting you. Your feelings should be what's most important. Maybe your feelings should be important enough to lock up the "cookie jar" for awhile if you know what I mean.

[SorridLives]

I think it is a pretty common situation these days. Men like porn a lot of the time. I have to admit, I would be upset too because it is the same woman all the time. Then again, I think he would probably grow tired of looking at her too, eventually. Men like visual stimulus. My man likes porn, especially when he wants to relieve himself (get a release from masturbation)...but he also using it just to get him juices flowing. I would talk to your husband about it....but try not to get upset. Men think differently than women do a lot of the time, IMO....

[SorridLives]

I think it is a pretty common situation these days. Men like porn a lot of the time. I have to admit, I would be upset too because it is the same woman all the time. Then again, I think he would probably grow tired of looking at her too, eventually. Men like visual stimulus. My man likes porn, especially when he wants to relieve himself (get a release from masturbation)...but he also may be using it just to get his juices flowing. I would talk to your husband about it....but try not to get upset. Men think differently than women do a lot of the time, IMO....

[SorridLives]

Didn't there use to be edit buttons? How do you edit on these messages now? I re-submitted my last message with corrections since I couldn't edit....

[anonymouswhitefemale]

Edits were being abused, so they were disabled. As PMs have been (I believe).

As for the topic, it's perhaps a little worrying if he's focusing on one person so much, but even that in itself doesn't really mean anything, as the whole pornography is just too abstract. Men don't have to (and VERY often don't) feel something for an object of fantasy.

As a guy, I think that women shouldn't be hurt by this. There's so many reasons (outlined in many other threads) why, for the guy, it is totally harmless - and we know it. It's also something that is generally very nice for us, and it's difficult for us to let go of something fun from an overreaction to a harmless situation. It's not rational, so as a man - does not compute.

I think that the extent that a man watches porn is generally up to his partner - in how completely she satiates him.

[LadyLane]

I was wondering if possibly he was looking at it to even keep his libido up? She said their sex life has been revved up lately.

[ChelseaRenee]

Edits were being abused, so they were disabled. As PMs have been (I believe).

As for the topic, it's perhaps a little worrying if he's focusing on one person so much, but even that in itself doesn't really mean anything, as the whole pornography is just too abstract. Men don't have to (and VERY often don't) feel something for an object of fantasy.

As a guy, I think that women shouldn't be hurt by this. There's so many reasons (outlined in many other threads) why, for the guy, it is totally harmless - and we know it. It's also something that is generally very nice for us, and it's difficult for us to let go of something fun from an overreaction to a harmless situation. It's not rational, so as a man - does not compute.

I think that the extent that a man watches porn is generally up to his partner - in how completely she satiates him.

I'm sorry, but that's just silly. The OP clearly stated she does everything she can to keep him satisfied, and he still looks at porn even though it upsets her. Are you really saying it's HER FAULT he looks at porn, because she can't keep him satisfied? Gimme a break...

Titangirl: It's selfish of him to continue doing something that is extremely detrimental to your self-esteem and, in turn, your relationship with him. If you had no problems with him doing it, and he still showed interest in you, there wouldn't be a problem! But he seems to completely be ignoring you in the sexual sense now, and both men AND women need to feel sexually fulfilled and wanted. I can't say I know a solution that would work for you, since everyone is different, but simply telling him your feelings is obviously not enough for this guy.

[anonymouswhitefemale]

I'm sorry, but that's just silly. The OP clearly stated she does everything she can to keep him satisfied, and he still looks at porn even though it upsets her. Are you really saying it's HER FAULT he looks at porn, because she can't keep him satisfied? Gimme a break...

I'm just saying the truth of the situation... I'm not saying that she's OBLIGED to do any more... But I know if my sexual energy is spent elsewhere I won't be going to porn...