[SorridLives]

Thanks for telling me about the edit button.

I just disagree with a woman's sex drive being a large factor in why men masturbate. I think men masturbate cause they like to. I would agree maybe they would do it more if they had partner sex less....That I will buy. However, I think a lot of men masturbate even when they are getting partner sex a lot. I am starting to realize it is a *different* experience that some men actually miss when they aren't able to do it. I think a lot of men make up excuses why they should masturbate. I think my SO has actually rationalized that he *should* masturbate...After alll, I was going to be having "that time of month" starting that day, etc., etc. Reasons like that. I also gather men want to have some sexual release almost immediately when they feel horny...so they masturbate,- even though they know they could be having partner sex in just a few hours.

[anonymouswhitefemale]

Yeah, it's a different kettle of fish, really. I know that I can, for example, sustain a good length of time in great pleasure, just short of orgasm by myself, which someone who isn't feeling what you feel can't quite match that. Although it's just a different nicity. Why isn't there room for both? Why must we choose?

[SorridLives]

Yeah, it's a different kettle of fish, really. I know that I can, for example, sustain a good length of time in great pleasure, just short of orgasm by myself, which someone who isn't feeling what you feel can't quite match that. Although it's just a different nicity. Why isn't there room for both? Why must we choose?

Well, my guy doesn't choose. He does both. I just try to get him to keep his self-pleasuring to a lesser amount so it doesn't interfere with our partner sex-life. I don't mind when he does it sometimes. I had to go through a period of learning more about it and about how a man and my man views it, experiences it. I have come to grips with it....no pun or joke intended. LOL.
Good point about holding yourself at a state of pleasure close to orgasm for a period of time. I guess you can call the shots....make it as long or short as you choose. That's one of the benefits of it.

[rcoreyus]

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Good point about holding yourself at a state of pleasure close to orgasm for a period of time. I guess you can call the shots....make it as long or short as you choose. That's one of the benefits of it.

You can learn to do that for him with a bit of practice.

Do you think there is ever a situation where he would rather masturbate at that moment, than have sex with you at that moment? Or, is he trading sex later for masturbation now?

[SorridLives]

You can learn to do that for him with a bit of practice.

Do you think there is ever a situation where he would rather masturbate at that moment, than have sex with you at that moment? Or, is he trading sex later for masturbation now?

It's complicated, but to try to answer the question as presented, I would say he is trading sex later for masturbation now some days. He has been alone home a lot while I have been at work. I think he thinks of something he saw recently and gets horny and then he just wants to get the porn out and go at it, then and there. No waiting. The reasons could be all that have been mentioned here....It is *different* from partner sex, he doesn't have to worry about my needs, and he can bring himself near orgasm and then back off, if he wants...prolonging it. Truth is, I think he can do that (back off and make it last longer) during our partner sex too. He is not *quick* by any means. I think he enjoys both masturbation and partner sex, but there are times (weeks) when he prefers one to the other- in a way....when he doesn't want to wait for partner sex if he is alone and in that way.

[rcoreyus]

It's complicated, but to try to answer the question as presented, I would say he is trading sex later for masturbation now some days. He has been alone home a lot while I have been at work. I think he thinks of something he saw recently and gets horny and then he just wants to get the porn out and go at it, then and there. No waiting. The reasons could be all that have been mentioned here....It is *different* from partner sex, he doesn't have to worry about my needs, and he can bring himself near orgasm and then back off, if he wants...prolonging it. Truth is, I think he can do that (back off and make it last longer) during our partner sex too. He is not *quick* by any means. I think he enjoys both masturbation and partner sex, but there are times (weeks) when he prefers one to the other- in a way....when he doesn't want to wait for partner sex if he is alone and in that way.

I wonder if he ever preferes masturbation to sex, or if he just doesn't want to wait? Maybe he gets horny and wants something NOW, would prefer you, but since you aren't there, takes care of himself. That would suggest a lack of patience, but he might still always prefer you.

[SorridLives]

I wonder if he ever preferes masturbation to sex, or if he just doesn't want to wait? Maybe he gets horny and wants something NOW, would prefer you, but since you aren't there, takes care of himself. That would suggest a lack of patience, but he might still always prefer you.

The truth is that I think he "can't wait" some days and he just likes to masturbate other days. I think the cats and away and the mice will play thing is a turn on in itself (to him). Other times, I think he gets a specific fantasy in his head and gets sort of compulsive. That is just my take.
From his point of view, it's natural. I am pretty sure he thinks I should let things take there natural course. I think he feels like...*if* there are weeks we have partner sex twice and he masturbates the other few days, then maybe the natural flow of things was supposed to be that way, and maybe we should just go with it. I think his previous relationship was like that. She spent a lot of time out and with friends. He didn't know where she was half the time...and she did cheat on him. But I think he sort of misses that he could do what he wanted. She certainly did not expect intimacy every night nor did she want it. That is going back a couple of years ago now.
All that said, he tells me he prefers partner sex but likes to get release from masturbation when the moment strikes and I am not home. By the way, he did/does lie and say he does not do it (masturbate) even half of the time I think he does. He likes doing it frequently *at times* (some rarer weeks up to 3 out of 7 days) and then deals with having partner sex when not always *in the mood* because he is still satisfied from masturbating. Sometimes it's a problem to do it twice in 8-12 hours. It takes him a lot longer to climax. I have had to tell him to knock it off when I know he has been at it a lot...with him still protesting that he did not do that....when I knew he did.

[misskitty3]

one thought occured to me while talking with a friend about this same subject (since i am now on a basically 5 week dry spell) but maybe for men, its just easier to take care of themselves.

think of it this way.... for him, he doesn't have to worry about showering, he doesn't have to worry about pleasing you, he doesn't have to worry about stamina, he doesn't have to worry about duration, and most of all he doesn't have to worry about disappointing his woman.

it is an "easy fix" as i think someone else said. now, it bothers me that he does it and hasn't been paying attention to me, but i don't know whats going on in his head. maybe he's depressed, maybe he's having an issue with his body, maybe he has no energy, i don't know. and of course no man can vocalize exactly why they "aren't in the mood"

its tough to deal with, but in all honesty i don't mind that much that he does it cause you know what? he's done it before me (since teenage years) and he'll do it now that i'm in his life. who am i to say that its wrong?

when we personalize things that may not even be about us, it causes trouble. i always like to think, "what does he think/feel" and it kinda helps me depersonalize the situation. as women we tend to have more insecurities but men have them also and its not fair to think that men are always going to be in the mood with their partner. sometimes they just don't want to put forth all that effort.

hope i didn't go on too much, but like i said i'm dealing with this also, and i'm trying to understand and not feel bad about it.

[SorridLives]

one thought occured to me while talking with a friend about this same subject (since i am now on a basically 5 week dry spell) but maybe for men, its just easier to take care of themselves.

think of it this way.... for him, he doesn't have to worry about showering, he doesn't have to worry about pleasing you, he doesn't have to worry about stamina, he doesn't have to worry about duration, and most of all he doesn't have to worry about disappointing his woman.

it is an "easy fix" as i think someone else said. now, it bothers me that he does it and hasn't been paying attention to me, but i don't know whats going on in his head. maybe he's depressed, maybe he's having an issue with his body, maybe he has no energy, i don't know. and of course no man can vocalize exactly why they "aren't in the mood"

its tough to deal with, but in all honesty i don't mind that much that he does it cause you know what? he's done it before me (since teenage years) and he'll do it now that i'm in his life. who am i to say that its wrong?

when we personalize things that may not even be about us, it causes trouble. i always like to think, "what does he think/feel" and it kinda helps me depersonalize the situation. as women we tend to have more insecurities but men have them also and its not fair to think that men are always going to be in the mood with their partner. sometimes they just don't want to put forth all that effort.

hope i didn't go on too much, but like i said i'm dealing with this also, and i'm trying to understand and not feel bad about it.

Oh...I do agree with all that you said, Miss Kitty. Sometimes I feel bad wanting him to have sex almost everyday. I do want to have partner sex almost everyday, and he says he wants to too,....but sometimes I do just because I don't want to feel like there is something wrong. I do have some insecurities.
I think he would like to masturbate to climax a couple times a week (if his time alone allows) and not have to worry about satisfying me later that day or night. I think he feels like he might still be in the mood for partner sex later (even after masturbating) but does not want to feel pressured or guilty if he may not feel like it. He'd like me to just let what comes naturally- come naturally, I guess. I can't say I blame him. I just have all these preconceived notions that get in the way. etc. And, of course, I want to feel like we are close and have plenty of hot sex. I should try to go with the flow more, I guess....
And I do feel like there might be some other things going on sometimes too. You are right. Men may also suffer from depression or feel pressures. I guess we can always satisfy ourselves and wait for things to cycle themselves out at times like that. I do believe things cycle. Meanwhile, I do get plenty of partner sex now. No problem there. It must be hard for you. Are you getting sex at all?

[misskitty3]

i must admit that we had sex once two weeks ago, but i feel that doesn't even count! it is so frustrating!i bought my first dirty magazine ever last week! even though i have my "alone time" i want to feel needed... that's pretty much how i feel. he holds me close when we sleep, he does all the chores, cooks me dinner, packs my lunch, etc... so i know that he loves me (obviously) but i want to feel needed so i can satisfy him (and myself) i also want to feel close in that sense that you get when you make love to one another.

i have a tendency for depression, and guess what always makes me happy?! i know that if i'm in a bad mood its cause i need to get some, but its not happening now. so i guess i gotta deal... i am tired of pursuing b/c when you keep getting turned down, you feel what's the point? so i wait, and wait, and wait for a miracle to happen and it never does....well for now. i have a couple ways to entice him, but i'm not sure it'll even work. i'll keep ya'll updated i guess...